Confused and feared.

[girlyboy8]

I am born male but for many years inside i want to be a girl. i want to enjoy all girls do like clothes, makeup, heels, etc. Also i want to be a lesbian. Due to fear i have suppressed my feelings and enjoy as a girl only in my dreams. I am still confused whether i am a transgender for a long period. Due to conservative around me and being eldest i couldnt tell to anyone about this till date. But the feelings are growing more and more and i fear alot thinking about this situation.

I want to live a a life as i wish but i couldnt do it here in my country and definitely i want to change and enjoy that life atleast for some period. Also i want to live with some like minded people.

I even ready to relocate myself. nowadays even i want to live alone so many things running in my head. Dont know how to come out of this situation. please any help and suggestion welcome.

[TG CLare]

I don't know where you live but either way it sounds very GLBT unfriendly to me from your description.

I can understand your feelings of wanting to be a woman and still like women. That's where I stand except that I already have transitioned. It's hard to meet a woman who likes trans women but it's possible.

Your feelings of wanting to transition growing is certainly familiar as I felt the exact same way until I could no longer contain myself and went the distance and transitioned. Since I did, I am a lot happier being who I am and have gained confidence to do things that would have terrified me beyond belief such as being in a public place as my true self. Years ago, my heart would be through the roof! Now, it's nothing at all under any circumstances, even using the women's washroom! Such a change in my outlook.

As your country is not the best place to be, possibly a GLBT friendlier place might be in the offing?

Best wishes and love,
Clare