friends?

[Amy413]

I'm mainly talking about that best friend, the BFF, as people say. The platonic BFF, the brother or sister from a different mother, however the chips fall for you.

What are some experiences with that person in your life as you went through transition?
Say they are an open minded, accepting person, they are your BFF after all.

How has that relationship changed? How has your view on them changed?
Different people have different degrees of acceptance, and have their own issues as well that could be 100% unrelated to yours, but still could give a person subtle hangups.

I guess if they are a true friend it will not matter and if there are difficulties at times you will work them out.

[Ms Grace]

My male BFF...supportive but once I transitioned to full time we tended to spend less time together and he admitted to "missing dude me". He's very much a womaniser, not that I have ever been but he somehow saw me as an ally on that front and now is much more coy about discussing his exploits and love of boobs.

My female BFF...supportive and our friendship has grown even closer.

[Kylo]

Nothing has really changed with my friends.

I lay down the rules of friendship in the beginning, so there are less problems later on.

None of my friends are trans though so even if they don't mind, they still do not understand my deal at all. But it's not much different to having a different political opinion or being religious or something. If two people can handle the fact they don't think the same, there's no problem.

[Amy413]

I've hinted in recent months to test the waters, with hypotheticals, he seems cool.
Just seemed concerned about what I was going to do about my deep voice.
He's a brother to me, actually I have adopted his whole family. They are all cool.
He has two sisters (identical twins), that I was 'kinda' friends with, I wanted to hang with them more and be platonic 'girlfriends'.
We used to be co-workers years ago, and tried starting a web development company together. I've counseled him as a friend through his relationships with women, and yeah, he's just a brother to me. He has his own junk to process, but he's my best friend, I let him make his mistakes as he lets me make mine, but if either is being a dumb*** then we call each other on it. That what friends do.

When I started hanging out with him years ago, he had moved back home for a bit and his sisters were around a lot. I had also started developing independent friendships with them. They moved away various places and lost contact for the most part with my friends sisters. I still talk frequently on the phone with my best friend. We are both software developers and we have a few indie game ideas between us.

He lives 1000 miles away, the only change he will notice is my voice actually. We only visit in person every year or so.

He and his family (sisters, parents) are actually some of the more "balanced" and "head screwed on right" people I've met.
That why I like them so much.
I'm pretty sure I'm stressing nothing.

But because of my male appearance and name and all that (still presenting as male til I get rid of facial hair and get good with makeup), friendships with women have always been tough to foster. Personally I'd like a female circle of friends, but on the platonic level things get segregated frequently, and I'm stuck with the guys talking about guy stuff and pretending to be interested. I just feel more comfortable and at ease around women, I always feel I have to be on guard around men. I find male-male friendships to be very adversarial. To me at least, It seems as if all males are playing one big game of king of the mountain. I don't like that game.

[TG CLare]

When I transitioned I told those close to me before I began my change. Know what they did? They all took off like they owed me money! Dodged phone calls, didn't just "drop in" for some wine. I used to volunteer at a museum until I received threatening telephone calls with someone disguising their voice. I stopped going because of it, no more phone calls.

I was still the same person, just different wrappings on the outside that was all. Being trans isn't contagious but I was treated like I had some horrible disease.

Their loss as I am now a happy, vibrant woman as opposed to the depressed man I used to be.

Love,
Clare

[Amy413]

When I transitioned I told those close to me before I began my change. Know what they did? They all took off like they owed me money! Dodged phone calls, didn't just "drop in" for some wine. I used to volunteer at a museum until I received threatening telephone calls with someone disguising their voice. I stopped going because of it, no more phone calls.

I was still the same person, just different wrappings on the outside that was all. Being trans isn't contagious but I was treated like I had some horrible disease.

Their loss as I am now a happy, vibrant woman as opposed to the depressed man I used to be.

Love,
Clare

I'm glad you didn't let them bring you down.

A lot of "friends" I had over the recent years I have systematically cut off before coming out for revelation of their ignorant attitudes. They were 12 step people, supposedly "sober" and living a 'good' life. It wasn't directed at me, I wasn't out. But I had an AA sponsor preaching all his homophobia & transphobia righteously. This is a "respected" 22 year sober "deacon of AA".

The friend I spoke of in an above post is one of very few.
Most I don't even bother being "friends" with with because of their attitudes.

Another reason I feel socially isolated, from my view, the world is full of those phobes.
I feel bad because I'm letting them win. They have successfully intimidated me.