I don't think very many of us want to transition, it's something that we just have to do to make our lives a lot easier. Now that's a joke. The words transition and easier in the same sentence because transitioning is anything but easy as we know!!
We fear things that we don't know or understand. We don't know what's going to happen when we tell others and that's where our fear comes in. Our fear makes us want to give up and stay the way we were and in turn we are agitated, sad and depressed and fighting our inner self for control of, well, us!
You're right in that until you are back in the USA, there isn't much point in doing much and doubt is creeping in. See, telling family, unknown and as a result, fear building up.
We are all, in many ways, role models already. We are role models to others if we transition, role models to others if we don't. I suppose the model you want to be remains with you or how far you want to go.
From what you have written though, I must agree you have made some progress. You state that a few months ago, you would have had all manner of anxiety and now it's just annoying. That's good. I'd rather be annoyed as opposed to anxious any time.
Try not to sweat it. Things will happen when they happen and for a reason.
I wish you luck and inner peace with the decision you make and inside, you'll know it was the right one.
Love,
Clare
