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husband now wife has asked for a divorce

Started by lostconfusedone, February 20, 2016, 03:22:15 PM

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lostconfusedone

I thought I'd share where I'm at with my husband (now a woman in transition) and I are in our relationship. At first I Could not STAND to even think of him as a her, yet in time I decided to stay with him. Now she has come to me to say its not working. That they have decided to file divorce and that they wanted to tell me up front.  I was blown away. My husband explained that to much was different between us, that to much was not working (we fight) and struggled with him coming out, the kids are being affected by our arguing, screaming and fighting. He is unhappy and can't truly be himself, and quite frankly I feel the same way. He said that he knows I'm miserable and he is miserable because I don't fully accept him  or blindly love him. What really bothers me, is I know that his therapist has helped him come to this conclusion, that doesn't help things but at least it finalizes them for me.

So we are getting a divorce I've agreed to work with him to find a settlement that works for both of us. At this point, I think its best, and most healthy way forward, I need it so I can be me again, he needs it so he can really be she. I'm super worried though, I'm older, he is older..we were stronger together, I'm not sure  how we will be apart. I will never marry again, and I am worried about the future. Whether I will find a man ever again at my age, how I will pay for things, how I will support our children, there are a lot of things I'm facing now.

I have to go cry now.

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stephaniec

sorry you have to deal with this I know there is nothing I can say to help because this has unexpectedly happened to you. I hope you'll find strength to move forward . You will survive, I know it's worrisome because it's something you never planed for , but people do move on and things do turn out all right.
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Peep

Some of your worries sound like things all divorcees will worry about. As well as trans SO support, you could think about finding support groups for people going through breakups. Is that a thing? It would give you a space where you didn't have to talk about trans things haha
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Laura_7

*hugs*

Well hope you get well soon ...
you might think about counseling for yourself...
there might be free counseling, or social workers ...

well I'd say mourn a bit but then try to look forwards...
try to see things positively ... there can and will be new opportunities ....

If you feel like it please reach out...
you might talk to a friend or to relatives, and there are helplines....

and you can come here, people will try to support you ...


hugs
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PrincessButtercup

#4
You will support your children via child support that your ex will pay. You may also be entitled to alimony. Don't think you haven't earned or don't deserve these things because you do. Get an attorney to represent you and your interests.

I'm sorry you're going through this, you neither asked for, nor deserve it. If you need to vent or need a sounding board, I am always here. I will PM you my email address if you ever want to talk offline.
Female since birth, female til death & an unquestionably inflexible heterosexual CIS female in between who happens to be married to a non-binary male who identifies as male.
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Marienz

Hi
I followed your story the entire way through.
I'm so very sorry to hear this:( it's devastating I know, I am here if you feel like a private chat.
My ex partner and I do not have children... But I would of stayed with her (f2m).

We also just 2 days ago started living apart, it's tough. I'm here for you:)

Keep strong xx


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Significant other
Heterosexual woman
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elkie-t

Just because you guys divorce, doesn't mean you cannot be friends.


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