Dating while FTM- any other FTM out there dating cis men?

[Mitternacht]

Hello,
I recently started dating a cis male and we have both been looking for some resources for him but it is hard to find any other FTM/cis male couples or experiences. Anyone have experience with this?


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[Alexthecat]

I wish to someday be in that position. I look forward to the answers.

[Ayden]

*raises hand* I'm FTM, gay and with a gay man. We've been together for 13 years so far and married for a handful of years.

[Kylo]

Been with my cis guy for 10 yrs. Must be doing something right.

[Kanzaki]

Can't say I've been dating a cis guy for anywhere close to a decade like some of the others here, but I still am dating one.

[veniamviam]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half and, while he's genderqueer and therefore not cis, he's AMAB and will file himself under 'guy' or 'shrug whatever' more often than not.

[Mitternacht]

My guy was decidedly not gay when I met him- now he is. Even though I met him after I started to transition. He has even mentioned that he has started thinking other guys are attractive as well. Don't know if it is because he thinks of me as being a woman or if he genuinely likes me as who I am- hoping for the second


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[November Fox]

I can offer you zero experience haha, but I would love to hear how you managed to get a relationship with one  I have no idea how you guys do it. But maybe that´s for a different topic.

[Peep]

I've been dating a straight cis guy for five years, but i wasn't out/ transitioning until last year. so far we're still together, we don't want to break up. I lowkey don't care if he always kind of sees me as female as long as we can stay together and I can see myself as male. I'm not the most stereotypically masculine person though.

[Muscle Matt]

While we're not actually a couple at this point, I have been talking to a guy as of late who's been super great about my transition. We were actually acquaintances before, and never really talked much one-on-one before, until maybe 2 months ago. He broke up with his girlfriend, I came out on fb, and he hit me up, and we've talked every day since. I know since we're not actually dating it might sound silly, but I feel like my experience with him has already enlightened me in so many ways. He's honest, respectful, smart, hardworking...A lot of which I haven't experienced in any of my other relationships in the past. Just talking to him I can see where all these relationships in the past went wrong, and where they were just wrong from the start.

We pretty much don't talk about my transition, and that's how I personally like it. However, the few times we have talked, I've come to realize that he doesn't really know much about the transition process (he thought T would get rid of my chest and that I can just buy a penis one day). I'm sure over time, we'll discuss it a little more in-depth and he'll have a better understanding, but for now, this really works. He doesn't treat me like I'm trans, he treats me like I'm the person he cares about. Even though he doesn't know much about the transition process, he doesn't seem to care about that. We just generally enjoy spending time together.

As ridiculous as I might sound saying this, I've already learned that it doesn't matter what's going on in other people's relationships, or what may have happened in past relationships. There is no comparing what someone else might be going through to what you have. No matter how much we read from others' experiences in here, the world of transition is always new and scary, and there's no telling what life may have in store for you. I was so anxious when I first started talking to this guy, as I've only ever been in straight girl/guy relationships in the past. I was awkward as hell because I didn't know what to expect or how to act in a guy/guy relationship. But now that I'm able to be myself, I'm a lot more comfortable, and everything feels almost natural.

New relationships are always a little weird at first, getting to know the person and figuring out how compatible you guys are. Good luck, I hope you find happiness in this relationship. Treat cis/FTM relationships the way you would any other; build trust by being as honest as possible, and show that you care about them no matter what. The best relationships are built around a strong, well-balanced mental connection.

[spro]

Yeah I've been dating a cis gay guy for 6 months now

He's cool with it and although there can be a learning curve trying to figure out sex things, he thinks of dating me same as dating any other guy. He's younger than me, which probably has something to do with it. When dating I found the younger generation was more likely to be accepting and knowledgeable about trans stuff.

As for resources for him, there's a forum at https://->-bleeped-<-.com/r/mypartneristrans where he can probably find others in the same situation to talk to.

[groudon18]

I have been dating a cis guy for almost two years, and he has only known me as male. We have a very close and loving relationship and he sees me as the typical male.

[randomroads]

Really wish I knew what you guys are doing right. I'm at a point in my life where I wish I had someone to share it with (and sex) without having to compromise my financial stability. As far as I can tell there are no attractime cis OR nonbinary males in Indianapolis that also find me attractive. I'm sure if I moved to Chicago and lived in poverty with 7 roommates and ate Ramen every night for dinner I'd have a better chance.

[November Fox]

Really wish I knew what you guys are doing right. I'm at a point in my life where I wish I had someone to share it with (and sex) without having to compromise my financial stability. As far as I can tell there are no attractime cis OR nonbinary males in Indianapolis that also find me attractive. I'm sure if I moved to Chicago and lived in poverty with 7 roommates and ate Ramen every night for dinner I'd have a better chance.

Don´t worry dude, you´re not alone 
I actually live in lower middle class sort of poverty (I don´t eat ramen every night, but have trouble paying rent) and live with 16 other people and still no luck (although I live outside of the US).

Maybe a thread on how exactly dating works as FTM would be good...

[FtMitch]

Don´t worry dude, you´re not alone 
I actually live in lower middle class sort of poverty (I don´t eat ramen every night, but have trouble paying rent) and live with 16 other people and still no luck (although I live outside of the US).

Maybe a thread on how exactly dating works as FTM would be good...

I have found that the key to dating for anyone is being willing to ask people out (aka risking the rejection).  I am not currently looking to date, but I have found that people who are "players" or seem to get a lot of dates are actually the ones willing to ask a bunch of people out.  They get rejected a lot more than you average person, but they also get more dates because they don't bother to wait around hoping that the other person will issue them some sort of sign that states it's okay to ask them out.  I am sure if you asked out enough guys, you can find some cis men who would like to date you, no matter where you live.  I don't really understand the references to living in poverty (is it a joke that I don't get?), but there are flexible guys everywhere--you just can't expect them to come out and tell you so.  Bravery is the key to getting dates, but I know as well as anyone else how hard it is, especially for guys like us. After all, any rejection can feel super personal when you think it's because you're trans.  But if you want the best chance of dating a cis man, this is what I suggest.  Heck, it is what I suggest to my cis friends, too, when they complain that they can't get a girlfriend or boyfriend.

[Kylo]

I always approached it by just getting to know people without the intent of asking them out, making lots of friends and acquaintances in work, uni, or wherever I was at the time and getting to know those people. I couldn't really imagine dating someone I knew nothing about, come to think of it. I like to get to know people as friends first, any red flags will present themselves well in advance. I then ended up dating a few people I knew in those circles, having much more fun than problems because I already had an idea what I was in for.

I always approach in neutral, give myself plenty of time to decide if I like someone.

[November Fox]

I have found that the key to dating for anyone is being willing to ask people out (aka risking the rejection). 

That´s true, you´re right that a daring approach works much better. For me personally, I was heterosexual before and now suddenly I´m not, so I´m a little more clueless as to how one would approach someone. A lof of females tend to use indirect signals (looking) or flirting in a more physical kind of manner, so non-verbal. You don´t learn to be forward. Maybe that´s one of the things to learn.

[spro]

There's a lot to be said for being more aggressive in the dating search. I found the amount of dates I got went way up when I was being forward and asking people out. It's partly a female socialization thing that makes people take the more passive route, but in general a lot of people are shy and prefer to sit back and wait for someone than be more active about it. So, why not be the one on the offensive?

On the other hand, yeah it's tough to find people if you're limited to a certain area. I tried all the online dating apps and ended up finding a few people to date, and I live in a suburban area. Sometimes you need to widen your area of search. Sometimes it just takes a long time to find someone. Idk I'm no expert.

[WorkingOnThomas]

I'd like to date more, but I'm pretty passive actually, and I have trouble reading when someone is interested or not. And lately, I seem to be getting mixed messages from some people. So, I don't know. Anyhow, the only cis guy I'm still seeing on a regular basis has started to get a little more uncomfortable now that my facial hair has come in a bit. I don't know if he'll get over it or not. We'll see.

[randomroads]

Ftmitch it's not really a joke. More progressive, LGBT friendly areas tend to be extremely expensive with a very high poverty rate. Those also tend to be more liberal, socially and politically.  I know several people who actually live with 5+ people in 2 bedroom apartments where each still pays $1000 per person in rent. I can't imagine being okay with that just to find love (since the only reason I'd live somewhere like that is the social opportunity).