Passing Time

[Dante]

I am an FTM Transsexual and I need to pass the time until I am 18 and can transition (If I still feel the same way.). I've told my parents, and they are okay with it. My sister knows as well. That means my Mom, my dad, my step-mom, and my sister know. My mom's boyfriend, however, does not know. I let my dad ask me questions after I asked him to tell my mom for me. I answered them all as best I could, although there was one question that I could not answer: Whether I was lesbian or not. I don't really know. I've never really 'loved' anyone besides family, although there is a guy at my school that I am so jealous of, to the naked eye, it would seem as if I had a crush on him. I might though, but I really kinda doubt it.

Whenever I see him I get extremely upset, even though I don't show it. It's just that he is basically everything I've always wanted to be. And it hurts just seeing him. And I always seem to bump into him, and he is in my Math class. I doubt he even knows my name, but whenever I get to ask him a question or talk to him, I feel better.

Can anyone relate? And can anyone tell me what I can do to pass the time? It pains me just to think about him.

Posted on: October 10, 2007, 05:10:03 PMSorry about the double post, just wanted to add something in about my mom.

My mom is really religious (Christian), and I asked my dad to tell her for me because of the whole 'against the will of god' thing. Dad told her, and she was understanding, but I haven't had a chance to talk to her one on one about it. Now it seems like she's completely forgotten what I am; as if my dad had never told her. Am I just thinking this, or is she trying to avoid it, or what? She said she wanted to talk to me about it, but we never got the time.

And one other thing; If god created us all equal, than why are we discriminated against and why does everyone say that being gay, lesbian, a transsexual, or anything like that is against the word of God?

I'm not saying that I'm not religious, but that I am not as religious as my mom is.

[greg-unknown]

And one other thing; If god created us all equal, than why are we discriminated against and why does everyone say that being gay, lesbian, a transsexual, or anything like that is against the word of God?

thats why i dont believe in god

[shanetastic]

And one other thing; If god created us all equal, than why are we discriminated against and why does everyone say that being gay, lesbian, a transsexual, or anything like that is against the word of God?

thats why i dont believe in god

What about the how come after I prayed for like three years for him to change me he didn't

[J.T.]

I answered them all as best I could, although there was one question that I could not answer: Whether I was lesbian or not. I don't really know

simple... guys aren't lesbians. lesbians are women who like other women.  So if you're a transguy you can't be a lesbian.

As for passing the time, being a teenager is hard enough.  Find some good people you feel comfortable around, take care of yourself as best you can (survive), and if college is in the future work hard.  Is there a teacher you can confide in?

As for your mom... it takes some time, unfortunately, for parents to get a complete grasp of everything.  Even parents who are 100% supportive.  Keep up with it, try and get her to talk when the time feels right.

Hope that helped a little...

[Dante]

That is true that guys aren't lesbians... I was more referring to the fact that I don't know if I like boys or girls, or both.

I've tried to get some friends that are guys, but guys aren't comfortable around girls, no matter if the girl wants to be a girl or not. And I'm just really bad at making friends. I have fun with my own friends, but it's just not the same as being friends with a boy. A girl would just recognize me as a 'Tomboy', while a boy would recognize me as 'a member of the group.' It's completely different.

As to confiding in a teacher, I've tried to hint it to my English teacher, because he's my favorite and he knows a lot about discrimination. I know this because just today we were discussing The Outsiders in class, and we were talking about the fight between the rich (Socs) and the poor (Greasers), and how the Socs just go around jumping the Greasers. We discussed it and we were trying to figure out why the Socs just go around beating up Greasers, and he said a few things that made tons of sense to me, like how the Socs(The ones not like us) think they are better than the Greasers(Us).

We had to write an essay about something we like to do. I chose to write my paper on video games, mostly the game Kingdom Hearts. In the last paragraph of the essay, you had to write why you like the thing you chose. I wrote a little bit, then added, "I also like being a boy in the games. Being a girl is terrible, and I hate it more than anything." I thought it was being a little risky, and I'm not sure if he understood what I meant. But he did put a little comment on the side of that paragraph saying, "Interesting", but he could have been talking about anything or everything in that paragraph.

Sorry to get off on the whole story, but I just don't think teachers get it. They always will say, "It's just a stage," or something like that.

By the way, does anyone know any Gender Therapists around the San Fransisco area? I live south of San Fransisco.

[tinkerbell]

By the way, does anyone know any Gender Therapists around the San Fransisco area? I live south of San Fransisco.

San Francisco

Dr. Barbara Anderson
1537 Franklin St, Ste. 104
San Francisco, CA 94109
(415) 776-0139




Koen Keri Baum, LMFT
3896 24th St.
San Francisco, CA 94114
(415) 646-0565
E-mail: juicylucyfish@msn.com
Koen is a transman himself, and is a gender specialist as well as a couples therapy and communication expert. Works with both couples and individuals on a variety of issues including: gender identity; Butch/Femme identity, S/M and other expressions of sexuality; transition; transitioning within a couple; and transgender sexuality. Also addresses concerns around problem solving, anger management, spirituality, loss and self-esteem. Has an in-depth awareness around Ethnic and cultural diversity and when working with clients take into consideration how "isms" in its many forms may affect each individual.




Lin Fraser, Ed.D.
2538 California Street
San Francisco, CA 94115
(415) 922-9240
E-mail: linfraser@aol.com




Gender & Self Acceptance Program
GSAP
P.O. Box 424447
San Francisco, CA 94142
(415) 558-8058
A private personal growth-counseling program providing individual, couple, and small group sessions focusing on gender, self & social acceptance, whole-self integration, coming-out, cross-dressing, HIV concerns, and ACA/ Co-dependency issues. Short & long term counseling, small group support and quarterly weekend workshops focusing on gender & acceptance/ integration issues. Sliding scale fee. Serving TSs, TVs, and other minorities. Provide professional counseling & training.





William A. Henkin, Ph.D.
1801 Bush Street, Suite 111
San Francisco, CA 94109
(415) 923-1150
Psychotherapist and board certified sex therapist specializing in work with adults living alternative sex and gender lifestyles. Gender identity concerns and transitions, SM/DS/BD, infantilism, sexual orientation included. Individuals, significant others, couples.




Gianna E. Israel
Community Counselor/Author
P.O. Box 424447
San Francisco, CA 94142
(415) 558-8058
E-mail: gianna@counselsuite.com
Individual and Relationship Counseling, Nationwide Telephone Consultation, Evaluations and Recommendations.




Tenderloin Self-Help Center
191 Golden Gate Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94102
(415) 554-0518
We are an innovative, non-traditional mental health program. We are a project of Central City Hospitality House. Training in peer counseling, support group facilitation, job training. We offer peer counseling, TS/TS support groups, A.A., shelter referrals and emergency medical care referrals, and other basic survival needs. We serve the Tenderloin/'South of Market' communities of San Francisco.



**********************************************************************



South San Francisco

Anne Vitale, Ph.D.
D Street Counseling Group
610 D Street
San Rafael, CA 94901
(415) 456-4452
E-mail: avitale@nbn.com
Web site: http://www.avitale.com/
Psychotherapist specializing in gender- related issues. Counseling Psychologist. Post-op TS (Jan. 1980). In private practice since 1984. Member of HBIGDA and Bay Area Gender Associates. I provide complete pre- and post-op psychotherapy, and make recommendations for hormonal therapy and sex reassignment surgery when applicable. Gender issues group work available and recommended.




June Martin, Ph.D., M.F.C.C.
215 North San Mateo Drive, #2
San Mateo, CA 94401
(650) 348-4835
E-mail: junephd@ix.netcom.com




Good luck!

tink

[J.T.]

That is true that guys aren't lesbians... I was more referring to the fact that I don't know if I like boys or girls, or both.

I've tried to get some friends that are guys, but guys aren't comfortable around girls, no matter if the girl wants to be a girl or not. And I'm just really bad at making friends. I have fun with my own friends, but it's just not the same as being friends with a boy. A girl would just recognize me as a 'Tomboy', while a boy would recognize me as 'a member of the group.' It's completely different.

hey, you'll figure it out.  I know being a teenager can be a confusing time.

I'm bad at making friends too, very socially awkward.  It sucks.  I never wanted friends when i was your age, when you learn social skills.  Now that I want friends I can't make 'em.  Have you thought about joining an after school group?  That may be an easy way to meet some guys. 

And your teacher writing interesting... maybe that was an opening from him to expand further on the subject?  I find out 10 years later that one of my teachers suspected i was trans.  It sounds like you trust and like him.  Maybe continue to pop in hints and once you build up your confidence he'll be there for you.

[Dante]

Thanks for the list Tink. I'll check into some of those, and maybe my parents can get me to one of them; I think that would help a lot.

And thanks for the hint, J.T. Hopefully I'll have other chances to talk to my teacher. I think he would be supportive of me, if I can explain myself well. I don't know why, but it seems easier to tell people you don't see as often or that you don't know as well.

I'll talk to my parents and see if I can go to a Gender Therapist. I'll try to talk to my teacher, or 'hint' it to him through my papers.

Thanks for all your help everybody!

[shanetastic]

Thanks for the list Tink. I'll check into some of those, and maybe my parents can get me to one of them; I think that would help a lot.

And thanks for the hint, J.T. Hopefully I'll have other chances to talk to my teacher. I think he would be supportive of me, if I can explain myself well. I don't know why, but it seems easier to tell people you don't see as often or that you don't know as well.

I'll talk to my parents and see if I can go to a Gender Therapist. I'll try to talk to my teacher, or 'hint' it to him through my papers.

Thanks for all your help everybody!

Being a teenager sucks I really have to say that from my past experiences.  I'm still a teenager, but to say the least The_Unforgiven,  I isolated myself until I was about 16.  Then when I got a car, I got a job and just worked all the time after school, I didn't have very many friends, and I was pretty cought up in all my own problems for the time, so I just worked.  I hated high school with a passion as well, so needless to say I didn't go that often, and I ended up graduating early, and running off to another place to try to reinvent myself in college.  That failed as well, so now I'm back home, going to college here, and even now it's still difficult, but no more passing time for me finally! 

I understand how hard it can be, so just hold in there.  Your on your way to becoming who you want to be.  Just keep at it and nothing can stop you. 

[Dante]

I just wish I knew for certain that I am a Trans, and that I could prove that to my dad. I still believe that I am trans, but there is still that chance that the teachers were right, and that it is just a stage.

My Story Of The Day:

I got to talk to that guy that I'm really jealous of today. I can't say his name for his own sake. It made me feel better, even though it was only about four sentences long. I had gone over to his table to work with my friend (Girl), and he asked me, "Hey, you sit next to ______, right?" "Yeah." "Is he kinda weird?" "Yep, I've been sitting next to him for the past 7 years."

That was pretty much it.

I know it sounds kinda like girl gossip, but I want you guys to know what's going on with me.

Oh, and the other day, my friend was complimenting my boyish clothes, while we did a guy's handshake. She's a tomboy, but I know she's not trans because she still loves to hang out with girls and do girl stuff.

[greg-unknown]

there's a guy in my religion course who thinks im a guy. which you would think is a good thing right? but im not out! and ive known this guy for a year! but we only talked in religion class, this year and last year (we were in the same class last year too). and sometimes the teacher calls me by my full name which is definatly a girls name or the shortened version which is a unisex name. and when she calls me by my full name this guy is like "what? did she just call you____???" but he calls me "he" and "him" and makes jokes to me that he doesnt repeat in front of our other friend, who is a girl. i have no idea what to do here, because im ftm, but im not out as a guy, but he thinks i am one, but everyone else knows im not :|

[Dante]

Well... If you want to be thought of as a guy, you know you're getting somewhere, right? Maybe you should tell him the truth. But it's really up to you. You could also ask the person to stop calling you by your full name, to make things less complicated.

Posted on: October 21, 2007, 10:57:13 PMJust wanted to update some news.

I got to talk to my mom for about an hour this weekend about this 'situation' if you will. I actually told her that I had been researching my case and found out about Gender Identity Disorder, and that I think I have it. (I'm pretty sure.) She seemed interested in what I was going through, and she said that she had gone through something similar herself. I know she didn't feel exactly the way I feel, but she just said that she hated being a girl when she was my age because girls annoyed her. I feel the same, but I hate being a girl for more reasons, and to a much higher degree. And I really want to be a boy. She asked me a few things, and made some suggestions as to why I might feel this way. She asked if there was any way she could help, and I told her that there really wasn't any way to help me at this age, except get a therapist. I think I'll talk to my dad about that. I think it would really help.

[shanetastic]

Hopefully you'll be able to get a therapist to help sort through your feelings and emotions.

[Dante]

Yeah, that'd be nice. I'm just waiting for a time to ask my dad to go to one. Anyone know how to approach that?

Story of the day:

I had to write a personal summery for my new history teacher (the school had some difficulties so we finally got a new permanent teacher), and I told her about me having GID. I don't know when she'll read it, but I think I'll know because she'll have this certain look in her eyes when she looks at me. I know the look pretty well; only your parents don't have it cause they've known you for to long for something like that to hurt them (not in all cases). I haven't told many people, but if it's someone you don't know as well, they get that judging look in their eyes as if they don't know what to think of you now that they know. They don't understand that I was the same way before I told them. Odd.

I wasn't planning on telling her, but since the opportunity arose, I told her. She's kinda scary, but I think she'll keep the secret. If she didn't, I could get her in serious trouble for ignoring my privacy.

And on a totaly unrelated topic, I finally finished my costume today! Now all I got to do is spray-paint my weapon, I'll be ready. I'm going to be Sora from Kingdom Hearts II, and my weapon is the Keyblade. I don't know if any of you know who he is, but if you do, let me know! (But don't tell me what happens at the end of Kingdom Hearts II, cause I haven't quite finished it yet.)

Posted on: October 23, 2007, 09:00:29 PMSorry for the double-post.

I just got back from my Halloween dance, and it was kinda fun.

I asked my friend (girl) if she knew the guy I've been telling you all about. She said she'd talked to him before. So it is now official that he knows all of my friends. I've seen him hangin' out with all of my friends, and even with some of the people that were with me in Elementary School. Although I still haven't met him. I've talked to him, but I don't think he even knows my name.

It still sounds like I'm in love with him or something, and who knows? I might be. I still don't want to be around him too much, but I really think I should meet him. What do you all think? Has anyone ever faced a problem like this? I really need help cause every time I see him I get that feeling of hopelessness, that feeling that there's no way out; no escape.

[shanetastic]

I really need help cause every time I see him I get that feeling of hopelessness, that feeling that there's no way out; no escape.

That used to happen with me and one of my really really good friends.  Were pretty much best friends.  Anyways though, ultimately, yeah she has an awesome life and great friends and stuff, but I'm happy for her, and it's a wake up call for myself is what it came down to. 

Isn't that weird though when your best friend used to symbolize hopelessness and that feeling of no way out?   Anyways though Unforgiven, just let it guide you sort of, I know that feeling for sure though.  I know I'm not great with explaining all this stuff, but really, try not to let it get to you.  I know it's hard not to, as I've felt that same way, but just make it your feelings of hope.  There's a way to do that, but really it comes down to how you deal with it in order for it to turn out right for you.

(I'm rambling now great)

[Dante]

I really wish I knew how to do that. But I don't even know him really; all I know is his name, some of his habits, and who he hangs out with. That ain't much to know about someone.

Posted on: October 27, 2007, 10:52:04 PMOk, I have a new story to tell.

Today, for our English class, we had to bring in something important to us; something that symbolizes us in a way. I couldn't think of anything terribly important to me, so I brought my pocketknife. (I would have taken a picture of my computer, but I was running short on time.) You're technically not supposed to bring weapons to school, but this thing couldn't hurt a fly. I'm serious, I can run it across my finger and it won't do anything. (Don't ask why I tried that, cause I don't remember.) Anyway, we had to write down on a piece of paper why we chose this item to represent us. I wrote this:

'This symbolizes toughness to me. Also, it kinda shows that I don't like being a girl, even though it isn't obvious.'

I wrote something like that. Anyway, hopefully he'll read it soon.

And we switched seats in Math today. The only reason I'm saying this is because I would have a chance to sit next to that boy that I've been talking about. I sit closer to him now; he sits at the table next to mine and I could talk to him if I wanted to. Although that's still awkward. I know if I sat next to him, I would have to talk to him, so then it would be easier. He seems to be friends with whoever he sits with.

That's my story for today.


Posted on: October 30, 2007, 03:17:04 PMDoes anyone know if you can wear a binder during P.E.?

Posted on: October 30, 2007, 10:03:42 PMI just keep adding to this post, don't I?

My Halloween Story:
Today, I have proven that to those who don't know me, I can pass as
a boy. I was standing in line for lunch, and one of the guys in the
other line asked me, 'What are you supposed to be?' (That question came
up a lot.) I told him I was Sora from Kingdom Hearts II. He told his
friend, and apparently, his friend knew who I was. They started
whispering to each other, and I heard the question, 'Is that a boy or a
girl?' asked quite a few times. I know that they didn't want me to hear
cause they thought I'd get mad, but I heard and I felt great. Since I
wasn't in normal clothes, obviously it would be harder to tell my
gender, but it was cool.

[shanetastic]

That's awesome Unforgiven

Keep it up and you'll be yourself in no time huh!  Halloween everyday right!??!  YAY!

[Dante]

You know, I've been realizing something lately. That boy I was telling you all about (I keep mentioning him, don't I?), I realize that I copy a lot of things he does. For instance, I used to keep my hands in my pockets only once in a while, but now, I can't resist the urge to stuff my hands in my pockets while I walk. And it's all his fault! He does that all the time. And I seem to do only the things that he does during class, like if he's watching the teacher write on the board, I watch too. I try not to, but I can't help it. I just feel like to be seen among the boys, I have to act like one 100%. Some of the guys recognize I ain't girly, and, of coarse, all the girls notice more. I seem to notice that for being a 'guy' the standards are lower for girls, but a bit higher for boys. The girls I guess see me as a tomboy because I don't dress girly or like girly things. The guys, however, would have to see that I'm like them, instead of not like a girl. I've no idea if that made any sense.

Anyway, I'm starting to think he's noticing. I mean, today at lunch, I was standing next to my friends (one boy one girl) and he walks up. Now my friend (girl) has a square of really squishy stuff as a keychain. So he just comes up, pokes it a few times with my other friend, and walks away. He didn't look at me, but he looked at both of my friends.

Anyone ever known somethin' like that? I NEED HELP!!!

       


Posted on: November 05, 2007, 04:19:13 PMOk, awesome news!!!

Today, when I went into my history class my teacher talked to me. When I walked in the door she said "Hi" and I said "Hi" and then she said this:

"Oh, I've been meaning to talk to you. (I knew exactly what she was talking about) In your personal summery... well, thank you for sharing that with me. I just want to tell you that if you ever need anything or if you want to talk, you can come during lunch or break or even after school, ok?"

I was just kinda smiling and nodding. I said thank you. We didn't actually say what 'it' was, because 1, we both knew what it was, and 2, there were other people in the room. Then I asked her about changing seats because she said we were changing seats that day, and she told me to go check the seating chart on the podium. Turns out, I'm sitting in an all-guy row, and there's only three girls sitting anywhere near me! Whoo-hoo! 

[shanetastic]

Haha congrats Unforgiven!


You got the all guy row   By the way that took some big courage to write that in a paper and give it to your teacher, so another big congrats to you sir!

[Dante]

Thanks. I didn't know exactly what to say, so I kinda told her a bit about what it feels like, and some facts too.

Posted on: November 08, 2007, 05:44:17 PMOk, seems I have another problem. Now my dad is acting the my mom did! Acting as if I had never told him.  I keep trying to 'remind' him, by saying things that hint it. Like the other day I had to get some new biking gloves, and he made me try on both men and women's gloves. In the end, the women's gloves fit my hand better. But I told him, "There's no way I'm wearing gloves with girly little flowers on them!" And then, for the rest of the trip, I kept asking him what the difference was between a Women's and a Men's (insert item here.). (Example (about kid's bikes) "What makes this one (point to blue) a boy's bike and this one (points to pink) a girl's one? The only difference is the color!") I think it annoyed him, but hey, I'll do anything to make him understand.