Hi...

[Sushi-Q]

Hello,

I've been lurking about for a while and decided it's time to join you and introduce myself.

I'm a 32 year old genetic male.  I'm married and have a 1.2 month old baby girl and a 10 year old stepdaughter.  As you can all understand, I've been grappling with my gender identity for my entire life.  I won't claim any year that it started other than it's dominated my entire existence.  Life should not be lying in bed wishing and begging God to make you a true Male or true Female and just wanting to cease to exist.

I've done all the stereotypical things that society expects a "Male" to do.  I got married, had kids, provided for my family and succeeded in my job.  However, this was never satisfying and the lying to my loved ones was tearing me apart.

I finally broke down and found a brilliant therapist to help me out.  It was time to be responsible for my life.

I've been diagnosed with GID.  Wow.  I knew how I felt but I couldn't trust it.  Now, having someone quantify how you feel is wonderful.  It's been a long time since I can trust how I feel.

I'm onto my third week of HRT and I'm feeling great.  I've found a doctor and a social group that is very supportive and understanding.  My constant anxiety and headaches are down to an almost negligable level.  I'm finding life alot easier to handle.  Food tastes differently, I'm not angry anymore and I can sleep again.

Things arn't all peaches and cream however. 

My Wife has asked me to leave as she cannot be apart of this marriage.  Her definition of this is a religous one and is not compatible with the situation.  I've gotten my own apartment and, for the most part, started again on my own.  I can see her daily anguish and I can read the pain in her eyes.  Without a doubt, she loves me but I cannot compete with her religion.  I only hope that she does not prevent me from seeing my children.  They are young enough and, I pray, willing to love me unconditionally.

My family structure is in limbo at the moment as my Mother knows but my Father is an old world farmer and extremely homophobic.  I get to meet my family next saturday and explain the situation.

I would like to share my experiences, learn from you all and become more than I have ever been.

Cheers!

C.

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello there, and welcome to Susan's.  As you've been a lurker here, I will assume that you've read the rules and know all about the site.  I've mentioned before that Susan's depends on the active participation of members to keep the site as successful as it is.

I would like to share my experiences, learn from you all and become more than I have ever been.

And this is what Susan's is all about.  Although your situation is sad and unfortunate it has been experienced by others here and I know that sharing your experiences will benefit everyone.  Welcome again and do participate where you can, relax and enjoy your stay.

Steph

[HelenW]

Welcome, Sushi-Q!

It pains me when I hear that religious objections to transexualism are used as a reason to break up a marriage, all the more so because I may find myself in similar straits in the next few months.  All I can think of is, "whatever God has put together .  .   ."

As you are doing, I think I'll have to go ahead no matter if my people come along with me or not.  There is always the hope, however, that if they choose not to come along now that they may catch up later.  I do believe, however, that any pain caused by this issue in my significant others will be self-inflicted; caused by their unwillingness to approach the issues with an open mind and trying to deal with them in positive ways.

I hope to hear more from you in order to share your journey's ups and downs.

Again, Welcome!
helen

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello Sushi-Q,
As HelenW said

It pains me when I hear that religious objections to transexualism are used as a reason to break up a marriage, all the more so because I may find myself in similar straits in the next few months.  All I can think of is, "whatever God has put together .  .   ."

I'm also in a similar situation; marriage, 3 children and 4 grandchildren. At this point I don't plan on going further than telling my wife. I know that my mind is female and do dress up and go out when I have the opportunity. You may have read about that in a one of my postings.

Sushi-Q you are a unique person that was purposely created that way by God. Use your past and present to become all you can be.
I do hurt for you're lost. 
Post more when you can.
You're Sis TG
Jillieann 

[Peggiann]

Hi Sushi-Q,

Glad to have you here to share and help you cope.
I'm Leah's significant other and hope you'll share often what it was like going through your transition. Leah is in the HRT steps and is planning SRS in a year or do. I know at this point I can not nor do I want to be without Leah. We talk continuely about what is happening as we proceed together ahead following her chosen path.

I find this point of view somewhat contradictive "religious objections to transexualism", Judgement of others seperates one from the Lord and Savior.

I feel for her and you and your hurting hearts as you proceed down your journey's path. I hope your family is going to be more supportive this next weekend. You are all in my prayer chain now.

Smiles,
Peggiann

[BFKate]

Hi Sushi-Q
reading your post brought back a few memories of familial confrontation.  I really look forward to hearing about how it goes for you, there are no magic words to make it easier but just the freedom that comes from being who you truly are.  Well Done and Good Luck with it all,
Best Wishes,
Kate.

[Cassandra]

Hello Sushi-Q,

Welcome to Susan's. Glad you decided to finally join in the conversations. Your situtation is both joyous and sad. How wonderful for you that you are following the path leads to being a whole person.

I too am saddened by your wifes reluctance to journey with you for religious reasons. Too often people get so wraped up in their religion they seem to forget what it means to be Christ like. Christ loves and accepts us unconditionally and it is a pity that your wife can not do the same. Perhaps one day she will catch up with you. In the mean time, fix yourself a cup of tea, or other relaxing beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.

Good Journey,

Cassie

[Shelley]

Hi Sushi-Q,

Welcome to Susan's.

I would like to share my experiences, learn from you all and become more than I have ever been.

I think what your seeking will be fullfilled here at Susan's because as Steph said that's what we are all about. So join in and share.

Shelley

[Lisabeth]

Hi Sushi-Q,

I am also happy for you in that you seem to be on a path that brings you much inner peace and fulfillment, but also feel bad for you that you are going down the path at least temporariliy without your SO.  Many here have similar stories.  I have told my wife but have not told my family as of yet.  My Dad is in his late 70's and a bit fragile at this time, and my mom has end stage emphysema.  Even though I would like to tell my mom at least, I feel like the news might be so devastating to her that it might just send her over the edge so to speak.  I do feel like she deserves to know though, it would explain a lot to her about my life, and some things might make a lot more sense to her.  For now though, I will remain in hiding to my family.  I have started therapy as well, and my wife and I have our first joint appointment the day after tomorrow.  I guess you just have to take these things one day at a time.  Anyway, good luck to you.  I hope everything works out for you.  I look forward to hearing more from you.

Lisabeth