With due apologies to the Paranoia RPG:
"SERVE PUTIN. PUTIN IS YOUR FRIEND! Putin wants you to be happy. If you are not happy, you may be used as reactor shielding. Putin is crazy. Putin is happy. Putin will help you become happy. This will drive you crazy. Being a citizen of Russia is fun. Putin says so, and Putin is your friend. Rooting out traitors will make you happy. Putin tells you so. Can you doubt Putin? Being a Troubleshooter is fun. Putin tells you so. Of course Putin is right. Troubleshooters get shot at, stabbed, incinerated, stapled, mangled, poisoned, blown to bits, and occasionally accidentally executed. This is so much fun that many Troubleshooters go crazy. You will be working with many Troubleshooters. All of them carry lasers. Aren't you glad you have a laser? Won't this be fun? There are many traitors in Russia. There are many happy citizens in Russia. Most of the happy citizens are crazy. It is hard to say which is more dangerous - traitors or happy citizens. Watch out for both of them. The life of a Troubleshooter is full of surprises. Stay alert! ~~ Trust no one! ~~ Keep your laser handy! ... "