General talk about personal journeys

[Tasha_]

My daughter is about to turn 13... and she has always been very accepting of people being different. She forgot to ask me how I was dressing one day though and her friend caught me... but her mom is hippie-liberal and she is also discrete, so I basically explained it to her and asked her not to tell, she is a good kid too....

I actually went out in cute flared jeans, caged high heels, and a lacey shirt with makeup on once, but it was still not overtly obvious, while I had my facial hair still, and the server AND the bus boy went way out of their way to make me comfortable. Did I tell you about the second story balcony of a hotel? If not I'll have to tell you the story after work.... it's funny as hell.... and went a long way to helping me be more open in public.

The first time I shaved, my son said o look like someone he doesn't know, then told me to look in the mirror and tell him if I knew who I was... lol... then I got dressed and did makeup, put my wig on for the first time, he said I looked like a girl... I said good, am I cute? He said yes and continued playing.... it's easy for them I think...

[amberwaves]

Did I tell you about the second story balcony of a hotel? If not I'll have to tell you the story after work.... it's funny as hell...

Yes you did tell me that story. It's quite amusing.

[Tasha_]

We'll ladies, I went all out last night!!! Dinner at Olive Garden... shopping at three stores and two visits to convenience stores!!! I meant to bring stuff to clean off makeup in case I got scared.... but left it at home.... which was probably a good thing...

My wife talked me into wearing a dress instead of just jeans and a shirt... I feel like I totally passed, until I got carded for a drink at dinner to calm my nerves.... which went over no problem.... I was sooo nervous in the beginning that I was shaking, but it turned I to excitement and I was still shaking.... but it was wonderful to go out and be accepted!!!!

Thank you girls for all your support and sharing your experiences you have really helped me through a tough hurdle in my transition!!!

I had a hard time not giggling when I was referred to as a lovely lady, and almost DIED when my wife informed me that I was oogled at after I drove away from a man hitting on me.... that was not only the weirdest thing I have ever had happen to me, but also made me realize how annoying and pushy men can be towards women.... wonderful night!!!!

And thanks again for being here girls!!!

[amberwaves]

Well it's been a whirlwind of a time lately.  Came out to a bunch of people in the last few days.  Came out to my Mom, my sister and her husband, and a few friends.  Everyone has been supportive or at least accepting.  Moving forward with things.  It's nice though to not have to hide it.  Not that I felt terribly uncomfortable with having not told them.  Now I don't have to worry as much about how I'm presenting and things I say.

There is almost universal consensus from people that I seem happier than I've been in years.  That and the positive support from people helps me to believe that I am doing the right thing and making a positive change in my life.

[IdontEven]

Hi there, just sticking my nose in your thread to say the color on that wig is awesome, Tasha.

...

Seems like I should say something else, but I got nothin...

Be well!

[Tasha_]

Thank you!!! I feel like it looks too fake to wear it out, but I do like it!!!

Tasha

[Tasha_]

Well ladies, I have been slowly moving toward this apparently, but I am almost full time outside of work now. My voice is getting better, and I am really beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin. When I started all of this, I thought it was a fetish thing, then it became more, and now only 6-8 months later, I call myself a woman. I sometimes want to cry because I am not in a position to truly live full time, but I also appreciate that I can be fluid and not be stuck in one gender (even though I would like to lean even more towards my female self).

My wife accepts me completely, she has found joy in learning the new little things that Tasha likes, how she likes to be treated, and the things she enjoys doing. We have become so much closer and more intimate and honest with each other, and our relationship has only gotten stronger. My wife is my biggest supporter, and it's funny because she is attracted to ALL of me, all the time. We can be man and woman, and woman and woman, we have girl nights, dates, lovers quarrels, and most of all, deep meaningful conversations that we always love. We laugh together, and get angry together. And I have had the opportunity to get to know her as a girl-friend I  the platonic sense, as well as the other, and we have such a  fulfilling relationship that I never knew that it was possible.

I am not trying to brag, just revel in how happy I am becoming the farther down my path I go. It has not all been easy, and we had differences, and I had doubts and fears, and so did she. But as we earn together and get to know Tasha, we learn more about ourselves and learn to truly love.

It feels wonderful to have finally accepted myself and to actually know what is meant by not being able to love until you love yourself. I wish you all of you girls the happiness and hopefulness that I feel right now. Thank you all for being here for me to bell me discover myself. You will always be a huge part of my happiness.

With love,
Tasha

[Wild-Eyed]

May I jump in here?

I'm going to an LGBT youth club on the 2nd May. I'm only really going for the clothes-trade session, as I find I don't really relate to the trans people in my area - they all have wacky hair and ten piercings, whereas I'm just a bit of a square. I'm keeping a lot of my girl clothes, because my boyfriend loved them, but a lot of stuff I never want to see again is going. I suspect I'm going to be one of the oldest people there, and one of the worst-passing, but I'm going anyway because it'd get me into the shower and out of the house.

Next up is the gender identity clinic consultation on the 10th June. I'm terrified for this, as my father has told me that they'll "take one look at me and chuck me out". If that does come to pass, I'll be saving up to go private.

That's about it for me.

[Tasha_]

Hey wild-eyed,

Did you recently come out to your dad? It doesn't sound like he is being very supportive!! If you haven't been getting the support you need, you have definitely come to the right place!! How long has your journey been? There are lots of people here that will talk to you,  keep your head up, life is hard but it's not all bad!!!

[Tasha_]

So, I came out to one more person outside of blood relatives, and it was kind of nice because it was easy to tell him... mostly, knowing that he would be accepting of it. I also wish I would have told someone who I am unsure of how they would react or be negative first so I could vet that out of the way!!!! But at least I am taking steps. Hopefully one day I can stop bouncing back and forth and stay Tasha forever.....

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Hey tasha,
I stumbled onto your post here. it was funny reading your girls talk about me earlier on. well, I'm presuming I'm the Sarah you were talking about.

[Tasha_]

You ARE the only Sarah we know and love here.... started this thread so your introduction didn't become about everybody else.....

[SarahElizabeth1981]

as it should be, i don't want to have to compete with another princess haha   

my thread is for everyone

[Tasha_]

Lol, ya, but this happened before we got got to know you well, and I keep this one around now for being doom and gloom or for bragging.... lol.... I don't want to sound like a b*tch or bring the mood too low over there sometimes.... you are definitely a people magnet.... there is something about you that brought us all together....

[SarahElizabeth1981]

nothing wrong with having your own thread.

i don't know about being a people magnet but we sure got a good little group going. it's interesting that we are so close in age and in our journeys.

[Tasha_]

I think you are all a few steps ahead, but I feel close anyway.... funny thing is, I usually post here because no-one reads it lol.... anyway, it's late for me, I'll talk to you tomorrow....

[Rebecca]

I'd safely say you are many steps ahead of me and incredibly lucky for your wife being so great.

The rest of the universe is fine with Jerrica but my wife does struggle at times which is ok. But to imagine having her full and enthusiastic support well there is no limit as to what we could do.

[Michelle_P]

Tasha, you've got something special going for you with that support from your spouse.  Not all of us are so fortunate.

And Jerrica, I know how that feels.  I've been 'out' to my wife for almost 3 months, and she refuses to see Michelle.   I'm pretty sure she is thinking this is only a passing phase (like that sig line; It's a phase that starts with conception, and probably is over with death.).  No problems with showing up as myself for the therapist, the office staff, the local Starbucks, or retail stores.  (Heck, I think the Ulta folks see dollar signs when I walk in.)  When I get home, though, I have to text when I'm in the garage.  Then she texts back when she's at the far end of the house, with doors closed.  THEN I can come in, and try to present myself as male.  (My 'male' wardrobe is growing, with Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, Lock&Love tops, shoes from the 'wrong' aisle, and similar items.  Shhhh!).  I honestly don't know how long this will last.

At least I'm coming up on the magic 3 month point in therapy, so I'll meet the Endocrinology Society requirement (2009; 3 months real-life or 3 months therapy).   Come on, 'male fail'!  My inner 14 year old girl is getting impatient...

(I hope you don't mind.  The post sort of turned into a vent.  I just have to get it out sometimes.)

[Tasha_]

I do feel very fortunate, I am sorry about you having such a difficult time, it breaks my heart to hear about spouses being so.... rigid, and unsupportive (I just made up a word!!)... I hope things get better for you!!!

[Tasha_]

Death as release... death is relief.

Don't get all crazy ladies, just remembering lyrics from a song I wrote as a kid... called it LSD.... as in ludicrous self departure.... isn't it all, aren't we all?

Love you all!!!