I haven't personally had the harassment, but I've had the extreme fear of it, debilitating even. It took several different therapists to help me get over that because I kept thinking they were lying to me about stuff or trying to get me hurt. Therapy helped a lot with it, but the thing that ultimately put me over the top was the depression from social anxiety. I decided it was worth the risk in order to know what happiness feels like. But therapy was absolutely necessary for me. Without it I wouldn't be here today.
I had friends, but I couldn't hang out with them for more than about an hour without feeling a NEED to get the heck out of there. The conversation would always turn to something that I had zero interest in and it would stay there the rest of the day/night. I felt like people were talking down to me. I felt like I only ever got invited if I happened to be there when they made the plans. I felt like they were telling me one thing to my face and discussing me behind my back. Some family members would even joke about beating up LGBTQ people just because they were there, others would constantly remind me that those people were going to spend an eternity in Hell. Mind you this is all before any of them knew the real me, so the fact that I already had this anxiety dramatically increased my fear of coming out.
But I can tell you that now that I've taken the plunge, I am considerably happier than before. I still have some anxiety mainly because I'm uncomfortable with my voice progress and around certain types of people like laborers because I expect them to behave like my father did. I wish family would have accepted the news better, but I couldn't have asked for more with friends and coworkers. I also run into weird looks and sirs and see news articles that make me think maybe this isn't the best idea.Then I remember the path I was heading down by avoiding this and realize that no matter how difficult this path gets, it's the only way forward.
