Getting Closer to Girl Friends

[RedheadWhovian]

So one thing I'm loving about my transition is that I am getting much closer to all of my female friends. Just today, I did a foot soak/facial mask/manicure/pedicure hangout with my friend Kaitlyn. Hormones have decreased (and sorta changed) the way my sexual drive works, so it was super nice to just hang out with a girl without any sexual tension. I find her physically attractive, but today just felt like us two girls, and it was wonderful. No awkward feeling. It seems to be gone with her. We can just be friends. ^_^ In some ways, I loved it. We got to gossip a lot, and I noticed the whole day I was standing, sitting and just acting very feminine. It didn't necessarily feel elating, but it felt super natural. Like I just did it subconsciously. I enjoyed it all a lot, though it does worry me a bit that I simply enjoyed it because I was getting closer to a friend who I felt awkward around before. I also didn't come away loving the manicure, but that could be cause of my mannish hands, and my crummy work. First time! XD

[Ms Grace]

Yes, that can often be a great benefit. Before transition I used to be very cautious about hanging out with female friends who were in a relationship or marriage lest it give their partner the wrong idea. But that is now a worry of the past and it is awesome to spend time together doing all sorts of girly stuff.

[purplewuggybird]

Hanging out with girl friends and developing strong relationships are important, and for me have really been the cornerstone of feeling better about myself. I am glad that you could have such a good experience as this!


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[HappyMoni]

I have noticed a number of woman who instantly relaxed with me when I came out to them. They no longer had to keep their guard up. I was less threatening in a sense, I guess. One girl said "Oh now I feel like I can tell you anything." That made me feel good. I don't know how much more relaxed I am around a group of woman though. I need the confidence to see that I will fit in. As far as guys go, I am enjoying letting the guard down, not feeling like I need to show "macho." I even enjoy teasing them like a girl can. Isn't it amazing how important the social changes are when transitioning? Being transgender, I think, many times is a very isolating situation. I always knew I would like the body changes, but I am floored by how much I like the social transformation. I am going to The Keystone conference in PA next month. I am curious to see how I interact face to face with people similar to me. It's funny being trans myself, but I am worried  I might say the wrong thing to someone, hurting their feelings. Oops, I hope that is close enough to the topic of the tread. (otherwise sorry)
Moni

[autumn08]

I'm happy you had a nice day. 

Based on this post and your prior one, I recommend you stop looking at transition through the lens of your preconceptions, because if you are happy and productive, the cause doesn't make a difference. Even if you learned the reason you want to be female is an uncommon reason, it doesn't change the fact that you want to be female, and thus you are transgender. 

[Katelyn]

Oh wow, maybe I have some hope in decreasing that sexual tension.  I hate being attracted to women in a romantic way and would really love having close girl to girl friendships!

[Adchop]

So one thing I'm loving about my transition is that I am getting much closer to all of my female friends. Just today, I did a foot soak/facial mask/manicure/pedicure hangout with my friend Kaitlyn. Hormones have decreased (and sorta changed) the way my sexual drive works, so it was super nice to just hang out with a girl without any sexual tension. I find her physically attractive, but today just felt like us two girls, and it was wonderful. No awkward feeling. It seems to be gone with her. We can just be friends. ^_^ In some ways, I loved it. We got to gossip a lot, and I noticed the whole day I was standing, sitting and just acting very feminine. It didn't necessarily feel elating, but it felt super natural. Like I just did it subconsciously. I enjoyed it all a lot, though it does worry me a bit that I simply enjoyed it because I was getting closer to a friend who I felt awkward around before. I also didn't come away loving the manicure, but that could be cause of my mannish hands, and my crummy work. First time! XD

I understand how you feel. There have been times when I have seen women & felt super awkward, since I was attracted to them. There have been other times when at my job (Elementary School Teacher) that I have been at lunch or at work with the women and felt completely normal. I told myself in the past that I felt comfortable with them because I was a gentleman, but now I know it was something different.

[Phek]

my gf loves to do my nails and lets me do her makeup sometimes :3 the other day, my sister asked if she could borrow one of my scarves. dont really have female friends out here yet other than those two, but they're great, and this is new to both of them, so im getting closer to my family and lover, but dont know any non related platonics

[RedheadWhovian]

Yes, that can often be a great benefit. Before transition I used to be very cautious about hanging out with female friends who were in a relationship or marriage lest it give their partner the wrong idea. But that is now a worry of the past and it is awesome to spend time together doing all sorts of girly stuff.

Thank you for your input! I am glad that you could get past that uncomfortable feeling. I worry a little bit when the attraction comes back. Hell, I was already hating myself for being attracted to my friend's girlfriend. I'm absolutely never doing anything about it, of course. But she's quite beautiful, and sometimes it messes with my head. I'm also a little worried about messing up my relationship with my male friends, of which I have two particular, very close ones I am thinking about especially.

Hanging out with girl friends and developing strong relationships are important, and for me have really been the cornerstone of feeling better about myself. I am glad that you could have such a good experience as this!


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It is! And I guess one thing I am discovering is that women aren't EXTREMELY different from men? It helps to shatter those stereotypes and that border.

I have noticed a number of woman who instantly relaxed with me when I came out to them. They no longer had to keep their guard up. I was less threatening in a sense, I guess. One girl said "Oh now I feel like I can tell you anything." That made me feel good. I don't know how much more relaxed I am around a group of woman though. I need the confidence to see that I will fit in. As far as guys go, I am enjoying letting the guard down, not feeling like I need to show "macho." I even enjoy teasing them like a girl can. Isn't it amazing how important the social changes are when transitioning? Being transgender, I think, many times is a very isolating situation. I always knew I would like the body changes, but I am floored by how much I like the social transformation. I am going to The Keystone conference in PA next month. I am curious to see how I interact face to face with people similar to me. It's funny being trans myself, but I am worried  I might say the wrong thing to someone, hurting their feelings. Oops, I hope that is close enough to the topic of the tread. (otherwise sorry)
Moni

Awww well I certainly don't mind any meandering ^_^ Say whatever you want! I'm glad you could get past that discomfort, and I wish you all the luck and hugs with meeting up with other trans women. If you don't mind, could I ask you about my interaction with my male friends? I still find myself at many times acting like a total male around them, and it's not always just to keep up appearances. Sometimes it just feels right, which also bothers me. I'm such a confusing dumb dumb. XD.

I'm happy you had a nice day. 

Based on this post and your prior one, I recommend you stop looking at transition through the lens of your preconceptions, because if you are happy and productive, the cause doesn't make a difference. Even if you learned the reason you want to be female is an uncommon reason, it doesn't change the fact that you want to be female, and thus you are transgender. 

Oh my gosh! Thank you for finally reaching out. It touches me to know others have been watching, and care. ^_^ Uuum do you mind if we PM later?

Oh wow, maybe I have some hope in decreasing that sexual tension.  I hate being attracted to women in a romantic way and would really love having close girl to girl friendships!

I can definitely say that they get much closer and more intimate, which is a wonderful feeling! In some ways I miss the attraction, but hey. One thing I am discovering through this transition is how much more important it is that I myself am happy before I try to be with anyone else.

I understand how you feel. There have been times when I have seen women & felt super awkward, since I was attracted to them. There have been other times when at my job (Elementary School Teacher) that I have been at lunch or at work with the women and felt completely normal. I told myself in the past that I felt comfortable with them because I was a gentleman, but now I know it was something different.

Hmmm I wonder if that was me too! I did used to pride myself on being a gentlemen. I was a very chivalrous person, and an extremely affectionate, selfless boyfriend... Or so I'd like to believe. People would compliment me on that trait, sometimes calling me the perfect guy because I was so sensitive. But idk... I think they had the wrong idea. While I absolutely love being chivalrous to people, and showing love to them, I never stopped having that desire of not wanting to be "The gentlemen," but instead "the lady." Now when people say "But you were the perfect guy!" it makes me worried about giving that up. :/

my gf loves to do my nails and lets me do her makeup sometimes :3 the other day, my sister asked if she could borrow one of my scarves. dont really have female friends out here yet other than those two, but they're great, and this is new to both of them, so im getting closer to my family and lover, but dont know any non related platonics

I'm so happy for you! That sounds really wonderful for you.

[HappyMoni]

I guess I might suggest not being stressed about your interaction with guys at this point. If you are 3 months on hormones you are probably just starting to see how things are changing. I would imagine you will continue to evolve. I am no expert at 9 months on HRT but things are still changing for me.
I am not surprised about anyone who is transitioning being fearful of leaving certain things behind. Your comment about maybe missing being considered being the "perfect guy" might be one of those things. It comes down to the tipping point doesn't it? Someone missing everything about being their old self probably shouldn't transition. Missing a few things seems pretty freaking normal.
Moni

[Annis]

Congrats! I can't wait to get there. My wife doesn't like the girly stuff like manicures.

[Tessa James]

So one thing I'm loving about my transition is that I am getting much closer to all of my female friends. Just today, I did a foot soak/facial mask/manicure/pedicure hangout with my friend Kaitlyn. Hormones have decreased (and sorta changed) the way my sexual drive works, so it was super nice to just hang out with a girl without any sexual tension. I find her physically attractive, but today just felt like us two girls, and it was wonderful. No awkward feeling. It seems to be gone with her. We can just be friends. ^_^ In some ways, I loved it. We got to gossip a lot, and I noticed the whole day I was standing, sitting and just acting very feminine. It didn't necessarily feel elating, but it felt super natural. Like I just did it subconsciously. I enjoyed it all a lot, though it does worry me a bit that I simply enjoyed it because I was getting closer to a friend who I felt awkward around before. I also didn't come away loving the manicure, but that could be cause of my mannish hands, and my crummy work. First time! XD

I so agree and share this.  So much better to have that sexual tension dynamic relatively gone!  It is easier to be friends and part of the girls club that also involves a sweet intimacy such as talking, touching and sitting close without it meaning anything but that we are good friends.  One of the "gifts" of being transgender is to experience the differences in association.  The mens club was too often a competitive bit of posturing that i wanted little part of.  Don't miss it at all.

[Maddie]

I so agree and share this.  So much better to have that sexual tension dynamic relatively gone!  It is easier to be friends and part of the girls club that also involves a sweet intimacy such as talking, touching and sitting close without it meaning anything but that we are good friends.  One of the "gifts" of being transgender is to experience the differences in association.  The mens club was too often a competitive bit of posturing that i wanted little part of.  Don't miss it at all.

Me tooo!

A couple of my now-girlfriends are former lovers, and we're relating now in different ways than before, seemingly without sexual tension.  Also noticing that many female aquaintances becoming more comfortable with me than before, apparently due to me presenting as more "girly" or "female".  Maybe it's me that's more comfortable without the sexual tension?!?!?!

Spent part of last evening with two girlfriends whom I know fairly well, and I found myself included in some very girly conversation, and they seemed very relaxed and comfortable with me 

And this past weekend, my mind was blown, when I was invited by a different girlfriend to a concert at a university theater... 
DRESS-UP OPPORTUNITY!!
Found myself embraced by and a part of a multi-generational clutch of ladies ranging from 60's down to 3 years.  Close sitting/talking, gossip, conspiracies, hugging, complimenting, and even communal ladies' room trips.  Several of us adults spent a couple of hours together at a (rather tame, but still good times) post-concert party.

Competitive male posturing is something I also have wanted no part of and usually avoided.  Worse yet are times when I have tried to participate/engage in it.  Usually, I would ignore those scenes or conversations, but I can shamefully recall instances where I acted unbecoming of my true self, usually in an attempt to try to integrate, or to hide my true colors due to fear 

Consider me officially looking forward to a footsoak/pedicure hangout!

[Obfuskatie]

I've found that being one of the girls is wayyyyy easier when you have a boyfriend you can talk about. Although talking about a girlfriend might work as well, by subtly showing you're already in a relationship and can relate to a lot of the stuff cis women experience, there's a weird connection there sometimes. It also lets them assume what they want about your sexuality and relationship model and not feel like you might want something intimate with them. I'm generally pretty amiable, and unafraid to talk about being trans, enough that I'm kinda uncomfortable talking to people who don't know I'm trans. After a while in your friend/work group, your being trans won't be news anymore.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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