Given a secret... What's okay?

[AnonyMs]

I'd rather lose a friend than let somebody get hurt.

I realized that I don't tend to think of it like that. For me its more abstract, what's right and wrong, and also more about me. Perhaps more like personal honor. I'm not sure losing a friend really compares to that. I wonder if I'm odd?

[Tysilio]

If the person who told you this is an adult, they have an absolute right not to disclose the identity of the abuser, for all the reasons given above. The consequences of disclosing will fall on them, and it's not your place or anyone else's to decide "what's best for them." That's a very demeaning, disrespectful thing for one adult to do to another.

If the person is a child, it's more complicated, but I assume that's not what we're discussing here.

[janetcgtv]

To elaborate that I feel that even asking for permission is an act of betrayal:

Why do you want to tell others about my secret?
Can't you keep your mouth closed?
I trusted you because I wanted you as a close friend.
IT is my secret to tell NOT yours.
Will I be able to trust you again without worrying about you asking my permission?

I have a friend who had a hysterectomy and asked me not to tell anyone. And I did so.
Friendship is more important than even having the potential of ever losing a friend.
She eventually  told others as it was her secret to tell not me.

She and her sister tell me when they tell me something to not tell the other sister.
My lips are sealed

Janet

[Kylo]

That's a very demeaning, disrespectful thing for one adult to do to another.

It certainly was, but not for the reasons you mean. They told me because they wanted to make the point that the abuse I suffered as a child was "worth less" than the abuse they suffered as a child; i.e. they used it as an excuse to justify what they did to me. So it was quite demeaning, really. For me.

People keeping silence about a child molester is something I have some issues with; but particularly when the one they abused went on to screw up my life, too, as my parent. After all, the cycle of abuse has to be broken. I would quite like the person who ruined more than one life by way of what they did to face some kind of justice, but I know they never will, so never mind, I guess.

But that's beside the point. It is an interesting question to ask anyone what they would do. My opinion is colored by the fact I am involved directly in it as a family situation. And in that case you're damned right I'd decide what's best. 

If it was some completely unrelated person then no, that's more their business than mine if they're an adult.

[IdontEven]

I'm sorry for your personal connection to anything so awful, and the consequences it's had for your life. Justice would be good, but sadly it seems pretty rare in this world.

[Kylo]

Np, it's made me into a person who doesn't take crap from anybody.

On topic, thinking about it I've been told some pretty awful secrets by people, and most things are fine to just hear and ignore. Some of them darkly funny in their own way. I mean one person confessed to me of stealing someone's ashes because they didn't want someone else to be the one to bury them (family infighting), and filling their casket with charcoal or something like that, so the other person buried some charcoal with great ceremony. I mean that's just hilarious in an awful way, but none of my business really. I kept the secret from who it was supposed to be kept from. Wouldn't do any good telling them anyway.

So I thought a while about this question and came to the conclusion that most secrets are fine. I'd only really have a problem if someone came to me and told me they'd got ten people in their freezer or were abusing kids. Yep, I'd turn on my best friend if they turned out to be a murderous sex pest. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

I wouldn't care if they robbed a bank or whatever. In fact I know people who are serial fraudsters and can't help concocting one scheme after another to fake this or forge that, and it's fairly harmless since they're so inept. It's like a bad TV show.

[Claire_Sydney]

...can't help concocting one scheme after another to fake this or forge that, and it's fairly harmless since they're so inept. It's like a bad TV show.

Hilarious. I know who NOT to call if I need a new passport to sneak out of the country..

[Kylo]

Yup,
near gasses himself trying to gold plate worthless metals in his shed... and much more...