I have been mentally ill for the majority of my adolescent and adult life. It is only now after five-six years of therapy, in and out of mental/ psychiatric facilities that I am able to achieve a new normal. Before anything else in my life could be reached, before relationships, successful employment, school grades, and a family environment; my mental health had to become regulated. And I will say this, it is a continued battle.
I had the benefit of acknowledging my gender identity later down the road, my mind put that on the backburner because everything else was in turmoil. I cried, I destroyed, and spread sickness like fire. But that was before I learned to breathe. My life has become centered around the most important thing, which I have learned to be myself. When you are mentally ill, it is okay to be selfish. You need to be in order to save yourself. Give yourself what you need, the love you starve for.
You suffer for love, and look for it through other people, or through harm. But other people cannot love you the way you must love yourself, for they do not know you as you know yourself. You need your love. The fight to be a whole person and to acknowledge and accept that person for who he is, when he is sick, when he is wrong or right, is a hard fight. But it is something you must learn to do.
This is not a battle you will have to do by yourself. There are therapists, and a support system to be found, but believe in your inner strength, because you do not know what you are capable of, until you have tried.
I only say this, because I suffer from major deppressive disorder, bpd, ptsd, and I identify as a transman. I believe in the mental healthcare system because it has saved my life. The next portion of my journey that I am fighting each day, is my struggle as transgender.
I hope this has been helpful to you. Believe in your therapy, believe in yourself, and no matter what keep trying. There are people on your side.
