Transitioning with kids

[dana.c]

Hey everyone, I'm Dana.

I've only been a member for a few days, so still trying to navigate the site, but I've read all of the "Site Policies and stuff to remember" - I swear!

I'm 26, full time student, from the UK. I'm in the very early stages of gender transition, FtM, and have a lot of questions, so don't want to bombard you! I'm sure I'll get a chance to ask them in time.

The most important bit is that I have a 6yr old son (who I carried when I was female) and I feel guilty pursuing a transition. He knows me as "mum", as does his biological father's family, and I doubt very much that I would be accepted by them as male... I think this is the only reason that I'm hesitant to go further with this - for his sake! Alone, I know that I'm male inside, but outwardly with other people, I feel kind of ashamed of this part of me...

So I was wondering if there was anyone else in a similar situation?

Thanks, and it's great to be part of this supportive community! - Dana

[Pollyanna]

I was/am in a similar situation, though I am MTF and both me and my son are older. I went round and round on this stuff, until I realized that A) my son (and my wife, for that matter) want me to be happy; B) that transitioning is not really *that* devastating (particularly lately, and if it's handled tastefully); and C) if people don't accept you for following the very depths of your heart, against all odds, f 'em. It's your life, not theirs. Life is too short to be ashamed, and frankly doing what your heart tells you is no reason to feel ashamed anyway. My son told me recently he looks up to me for doing what I want and not following the dictates of society. It's tough, but honestly I believe that not following your heart is tougher. I hope this helps! Good luck to you! Polly


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[jeannie]

   Hi Dana,...I was convinced by my therapist that if I didn't want my kids to suffer the same sexual disorientation that I suffered for thirty years,I would have to continue on,as a male,(I'm MTF),until such time as they were sexually oriented.I certainly did not want them to suffer at all because of me.So,for the next 20yrs. I forced jeannie back in the closet and gave my children and wife a husband/father.
     Looking back,I have come to believe that it would not have made much of a difference as it all comes down to our parenting skills.Communication is paramount!The more informed they are,it's amazing just how enlighten they really are!Both my kids are now in hetero relationships;and have since come to me and thanked me for giving up those years for them and that they were both very happy,in their relationships and that They were happy for me that I could now become the woman that I always have been.
     I would say this,Dana,...it's never too late or too early to self identify...just keep your child in YOUR loop with lots of love and communication.

love jeannie

[Jacqueline]

Welcome Dana,

Good to see you familiarized yourself with the TOS. Hope you find some great support here.

Lots of great people with many back grounds. Feel free to look about, ask questions and join in.

Wishing you love, acceptance and a smooth path.

With warmth,

Joanna

[dana.c]

Thank you, everyone, for your replies. It's really lovely to hear from people who have embraced themselves as well as you have! It does make me feel much safer opening up.

My son is great, and he asked me once, before I'd even really considered this internal voice to be such a massive part of me, if he should call me "dad" instead. I nearly cried! He knew me before I did, and he's 6! I'm not worried about what he'll think of me... More about the rest of the people that we have to associate with, like extended family.

I suppose that's something that every trans* person has to face at some point - I just don't have the confidence yet to live as Dana, as my friends still mostly see female me, apart from the close few, who know how horribly dysphoric I am.

But I'm so, so glad to be part of this wonderful place. You're all so welcoming, Polly, Jeannie and Joanna - thank you - it means a lot to talk to people on a similar path!

Dana

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[V M]

Hi Dana 

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