Worth the read

[Adchop]

http://gu.com/p/4hbd4/stw

[Tessa James]

Yes a good read and important to understand that our children and other family and friends can reasonably experience a sense of loss and grief.  I have two adult children and one of them accepts me.  I may want and wish and try to be open to a relationship with my dismissive son but no one else controls how he feels.

It is difficult and hurtful to be seen as a disappointment but being truthful about my identity is equally important to me now.  I tried for a very long time to be what was expected of my externally gendered appearance.  That was delaying the inevitable in my case and just led to a longer period of repression and denial to overcome.

Being true to ourselves does not come without consequences.

[Steph7]

I must admit a major barrier to my transition is how will my children handle it and will it have a long term impact on them not having someone called Dad.

[Adchop]

I must admit a major barrier to my transition is how will my children handle it and will it have a long term impact on them not having someone called Dad.

I completely understand. That factor is also on my mind as I decide how far/fast I wanna take my transition.

[suzifrommd]

Sorry, I feel a rant coming on. Skip the rest of this post if you want to remain rant-free.

Oh, for heaven's sake, skip the drama. Let me get this straight. You have a close, loving, warm, nurturing relationship with someone who used to be your father, but instead of celebrating, you're whining about her not being who she used to be? Sorry to tell you this, Mr. Hewitt, but no one in your life ever, over any long period of time, will stay the way they are. Everyone changes and grows, learns and evolves. People change jobs, move around the country and the world, get college degrees, experience tragedy and trauma. All of these things change people. I'm sorry to say I have absolutely zero sympathy for your lament that one particular person in your life didn't stay exactly the way they were for your benefit.

Whew. OK, rant over.

I must admit a major barrier to my transition is how will my children handle it and will it have a long term impact on them not having someone called Dad.

Your children will see that you did what you needed to take care of yourself. You loved and cared enough about yourself to allow yourself to be who you are. Your kids could have no better role model.

They will also learn tolerance for unusual lifestyles (which face it, is nearly everyone - people's lives only look normal from the outside), and will benefit from having a parent who is fully present and not fighting gender dysphoria.

Studies have shown that children raised in families with LGBT parents do every bit as well as children raised in traditional straight 2-parent households, and actually score better on their ability to understand the feelings of others.

[Tessa James]

Sorry, I feel a rant coming on. Skip the rest of this post if you want to remain rant-free.

Oh, for heaven's sake, skip the drama. Let me get this straight. You have a close, loving, warm, nurturing relationship with someone who used to be your father, but instead of celebrating, you're whining about her not being who she used to be? Sorry to tell you this, Mr. Hewitt, but no one in your life ever, over any long period of time, will stay the way they are. Everyone changes and grows, learns and evolves. People change jobs, move around the country and the world, get college degrees, experience tragedy and trauma. All of these things change people. I'm sorry to say I have absolutely zero sympathy for your lament that one particular person in your life didn't stay exactly the way they were for your benefit.

Whew. OK, rant over.

Your children will see that you did what you needed to take care of yourself. You loved and cared enough about yourself to allow yourself to be who you are. Your kids could have no better role model.

They will also learn tolerance for unusual lifestyles (which face it, is nearly everyone - people's lives only look normal from the outside), and will benefit from having a parent who is fully present and not fighting gender dysphoria.

Studies have shown that children raised in families with LGBT parents do every bit as well as children raised in traditional straight 2-parent households, and actually score better on their ability to understand the feelings of others.

LOL, I can count on you Suzi!  Thanks for that wake up call.  And you're right, even if there is legitimate loss, what is the reasonable statute of limitations for grieving?  Moving forward despite loss and major changes is something we will all be faced with at some time in our lives.  I say that in respect to my own situation too.  If my son wants to keep life's hurt and loss close to his heart then he is feeding it at some point and using it to keep from addressing real opportunities to feel better.

We do our children no favors by pretending or keeping our true nature hidden.  In fact I believe we are rarely successful at that.  And if we are, then are we saying lies of omission are OK?  Who are we protecting?