Feeling trapped

[damtal]

Sorry, this may be a ramble!

I'm 28, but have always known that I am male, I've just pretended I'm not to keep others happy and as a result have been miserable and am at breaking point with it. I have to do something about it, I've booked in to see my GP, but that is a month long wait, plus I know the Gender Identity Clinics have enormous wait times. I always wear tight sports bras and pack with a sock when I'm alone to help with the dysphoria, but it is always there. I wish I'd been honest with people from a young age, as a child I told people I was a boy, but it wasn't met well so stopped and pretended I didn't feel that way anymore, now I'm married and have a son, and I have no idea how on earth to approach telling anyone about this.

I'm so torn, I've been miserable for years because of this but I'm so scared of being rejected or destroying my family. Has anyone been in a similar position? I know it is so different for everyone but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[FTMax]

I knew I was trans at 17 once I had a word for it, but I didn't transition until I was 25. There were too many variables that I wasn't in control of, including my family and how they would respond. I basically threw myself into work and school to avoid it. But ultimately I got to a point where I felt like the life I was living wasn't mine, and I couldn't fathom continuing to exist in the same way. I got comfortable with the idea of losing everything if it meant that I could be myself.

It is a tough position to be in for sure, especially since you have a family to think about. Do you have any idea how your partner will react? What about your parents? Children are generally pretty accepting if they're young, so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

[Jacqueline]

damtal,

Hi and welcome to Susans,

I moved your post to introductions. Not a big deal, just that is what this is.

It takes a good deal of courage to come to the conclusions you have. It rarely seems like an easy journey for anyone. I am 51, married 25 years with three teenage daughters.  I am not trying to compete. I am just saying last year I came to a similar conclusion you have. I am one of the lucky ones that have not had their lives ripped apart. Although I am out to some, I am still not out to all. I hope we will all still be together on the other side but who knows.

There are many people here who are in similar situations at many different ages and are at many different spots in their journey. No one really knows where our paths (however far we choose to take them) will lead. Not everyone needs to fully transition. That is something you will have to figure out for yourself.

A GP is good. However, even if you can't get into a gender therapist yet, I would suggest seeing a therapist. If you can afford the visit and the time. They can help us focus on what we need to work on and decide(plus, they may have an in with a gender therapist-I have not noticed jealousy among therapist but maybe I'm being pollyanna?).

Here are some links to some policies and good information about this site:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
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Look around. Ask questions. Join in both the tough stuff and some of the fun, games and silliness.

I wish you love, acceptance and a smooth journey.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Megan.]

Damtal, I agree that if you have money and time, an experienced therapist should be your first stop. I was also married with two young children when I finally faced my own issue. I spent several sessions with a therapist before opening up to my wife, so I had at least some (certainly not all) understanding of what I was, bedside that's what your spouse will almost certainly ask.
I wish you the best, hugs.

[V M]

Hi damtal 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[gennee]

A hearty welcome to Susan's, Damtal.

😊