News and Advice

[shanetastic]

Good evening everyone!

I know the subject of this post is a little weird, so sorry for that ahead of time!

We'll start first with the advice and question for all of you who have been through this.  Today I was just thinking about this, and I'm a little stressed / scared / worried about the fact of when I eventually live full time.  Now, this is a problem within itself, but I have something more specific I wanted to adress.  I'm still living with my parents, and I can't stop thinking about how awkward it will be when this happens.  I don't know exactly why, but I can already feel it like there's going to be some tension, not really in a bad sense, just in the sense like "Uhhhhh what the heck.  We knew this was coming but this is weird."

Not only is it going to be weird for them, but also for myself.  Of course my therapist and I have talked about this little minor issue, but ultimately, it's something that can't really be solved.  I have no doubt in my mind that it's going to be weird, but I'm hoping that it isn't totally awkward to the point where it's going to be hard to talk to them.

Either way I'm going to be moving in like August or something, but still, depending on when I try to go full time, there is going to be that stage of. . . oddness.  I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to prepare or sort of break them into the idea as time goes on.


Okay, now moving on to the news (even if it is only one little super dooper small thing heh).  I finally decided on a name!  I know that's sorta sad I haven't thought of one over these years, but at least I finally chose one.  I decided to go with the first name of, "Brittany."

No, I still haven't decided on a middle, hehe, but I figure that's not that important either way!  Anyways, thanks for spending the time to read, and hopefully you can give me some suggestions in regards to my parent situation.

[Kat]

I was in pretty much the same situation as you living with the parents wise.  I came out to my parents in January, and I was going to be living at home until August.  Apologies, but have you already told your parents or are you about to?  What I did was pretty gradual changes at first.  For the first two weeks I just kind of let the idea soak in and I talked with them a lot.  After two weeks I would wear girl's jeans around the house, but I would change out if we were going anywhere.

I took it step by step going a little further each time so they could adapt to both the new name and the new appearance.  By March I think I was Kat all of the time on the weekends, but I didn't really go out of the house.  In April I would get home from school and change into Kat's clothes ASAP.  By then my parents pretty much were used to it and I didn't really have any problems after that.  I recommend that once your parents are used to it, ask if they could call you Brittany (I like that name!) when it is just you and them around so they will be less likely to slip up later.  The more they use the new name, the easier it is to say it naturally when talking about you.

Hope this helps some 

[shanetastic]

I was in pretty much the same situation as you living with the parents wise.  I came out to my parents in January, and I was going to be living at home until August.  Apologies, but have you already told your parents or are you about to?  What I did was pretty gradual changes at first.  For the first two weeks I just kind of let the idea soak in and I talked with them a lot.  After two weeks I would wear girl's jeans around the house, but I would change out if we were going anywhere.

I took it step by step going a little further each time so they could adapt to both the new name and the new appearance.  By March I think I was Kat all of the time on the weekends, but I didn't really go out of the house.  In April I would get home from school and change into Kat's clothes ASAP.  By then my parents pretty much were used to it and I didn't really have any problems after that.  I recommend that once your parents are used to it, ask if they could call you Brittany (I like that name!) when it is just you and them around so they will be less likely to slip up later.  The more they use the new name, the easier it is to say it naturally when talking about you.

Hope this helps some 

Yeah my parents know about everything.  They seem to be really open about it for the most part (my mom was the one who actually helped me go to my first support group meeting a while ago).  I'm just a little nervous of my dad though, I don't talk to him too much about this, actually I never really have.  My mom usually discusses what's going on to him (I know I'm a coward ahhh).  I'm just sort of worried about that shock they'll have and be like what the heck!  But thank you for the advice, I'm going to chit chat a little more with my therapist about ideas, but of course I could just be making this a whole lot worse than it is going to be.  Either way, better to be prepared

Thanks again Kat

[gothique11]

Well, we all go through this stage (ironically, I just finished talking to another friend who's wanting to go full time in a couple of months -- by the end of the year, anyway -- about this.

But, yeah, you just got to do it. There's no real "easy" way. It will be weird for the both of you, but just keep going and eventually it will become second nature.

It's also good that your parents know and are open minded about the whole thing. This is going to help you more so. You don't need to worry about freaking out parents that are going to kick you out. They at least know before hand which can give them some adjustment room (you too).

--natalie

[shanetastic]

. . . I suspect the real concern that you and I still share and will have to face together is how others outside of your immediate family will accept and react to what we are indeed doing. Your parents have neighbors/friends and my kids have their school & playmates (with their own respective adults/parents of course)

That's really true.  I know it's weird I'm so focued on how my parents are going to react and adjust and stuff, but I totally haven't though about other people that much.  I'm just hoping I'll be able to semi decently pass (*hopes*)  The funny thing is my niehgborhood consists of a whole bunch of old people who don't even know us.  So luckily, I pretty much have no neighbors, especially since I'm normally out of the house either way.

I do not really know whether I will be changing jobs/moving or not (have wife in the equation to deal with too!) but I am doing all I can in the meantime to continue to transition to the person that I know I want to be and find myself otherwise having to spend more and more time in order to still nominally present as the male that I know most others expect to see and like I said all you can do really is avoid the "shock value" and take it one day at a time.

Yeah, I wouldn't even want to imagine how hard it would be to deal with the wife and children with regards to this issue.  I have to move pretty much either way.  One day at a time is a very good start   Try to get the people that you see to adjust slowly and gradually into the point where it doesn't matter anymore.

We both have our "peers" to deal with too. You have your friends and I have my wife I suppose and in that dept I somehow suspect you'll probably have a much easier time of it than me!

Hehe I have a feeling I might as well.  Knowing I only have. . . 3 friends I keep in constant contact with, and only one of them actually lives in this town too.  I was struggling when I was 17, so I moved away to go to college a year early to escape everyone and everything.  To say the least, all I did was lose all of my friends, and it turned out worse than before hehe   Oh the joys of regret!




Posted on: October 14, 2007, 02:41:47 PM

Well, we all go through this stage (ironically, I just finished talking to another friend who's wanting to go full time in a couple of months -- by the end of the year, anyway -- about this.

But, yeah, you just got to do it. There's no real "easy" way. It will be weird for the both of you, but just keep going and eventually it will become second nature.

It's also good that your parents know and are open minded about the whole thing. This is going to help you more so. You don't need to worry about freaking out parents that are going to kick you out. They at least know before hand which can give them some adjustment room (you too).

--natalie

Great it will be weird for the both of us   Just what I want to experience when it's awkward enough hehe.  And that's true about the adjustment room, I figure for my parents sake and for mine as well, we'll slowly just break it in.  Little by little should hopefully work.

[Ember Lewis]

There's not much you can do yourself to help the parental acceptance, it's up to your parents to do the accepting. I would try to mention it at a good time, as opposed to a bad time like before a test or dr. appointment. It's hard though I still have not said anything to my dad yet, I know I will have to when my boobs become noticeable though. And congratulations on the name, honestly choosing a name has been one of the hardest things for me. It may not be over too as my best friend told me yesterday that after many months on using Ember she thinks it might be a give away that I am trans. It's ok I do have an alternative, but changing all my accounts will be embarrassing. Traditionally the mothers first name is used as a middle name so that might help you...

[shanetastic]

There's not much you can do yourself to help the parental acceptance, it's up to your parents to do the accepting. I would try to mention it at a good time, as opposed to a bad time like before a test or dr. appointment. It's hard though I still have not said anything to my dad yet, I know I will have to when my boobs become noticeable though. And congratulations on the name, honestly choosing a name has been one of the hardest things for me. It may not be over too as my best friend told me yesterday that after many months on using Ember she thinks it might be a give away that I am trans. It's ok I do have an alternative, but changing all my accounts will be embarrassing. Traditionally the mothers first name is used as a middle name so that might help you...

Yeah, that's going to be scary with the parents, heh.  I can't believe you haven't said anything to your father yet!!  How can they not tell hehe, you look great in your profile pic, I don't get how they could think of you as a male still! 

And I really like your name.  Something about it just sounds awesome.  I guess it's just unique and like. . . I don't know it just sounds pretty! 

Thanks for the reply Ember.  Hopefully the parents will accept it easily.