Maybe moving is the answer?

[WhatIAm]

Hey everyone. I've been sort of down in the dumps lately and honestly just not that optimistic about my transition. That aside, I'm still going to go through with transition. I guess one of the problems I have is the environment I'm in. It's just not healthy, both socially and physically. My family, as loving as they seem to be, would never accept my transition. This fear of coming out to them has led me to the decision that I don't even want to. I just want to leave. I don't want them in my life because I know exactly what kind of reaction they will have when they find out. It's a shame really, because I feel like everyone should have a family who has their back, but mine doesn't, so I guess in a sense I just want to run away. Start fresh. I don't need them and it's about time I was on my own anyways.

I was tossing around some ideas in my head and I'm not really sure what to do. I'm currently in my first semester of college (taking classes at the local CC), and after the semester is over I don't really want to go back. If I go back it means staying in the unhealthy environment of my transphobic family and transphobic friends (I'm not even going to get started about my "friends" but lets just say if they knew about me, we wouldn't be friends anymore). That said, I was considering my options. I don't really know where to begin. I'm a full time student and not employed, but I do have quite a bit saved up in an emergency fund. I have a car and all my important documents and stuff, so there's nothing technically holding me to my parents anymore.

I figure I have a few options:

1. Stick it out and push through for the next two years at my parents. This isn't an option because I'm already on hormones, stuff's going to change, I won't be able to conceal it even if I wanted to (which I don't). So yeah. This isn't plausible.

2. Live in my car. This is, well, honestly a really bad option as well, although I could do this in theory and it might even be fun for a while... I don't think I could ever truly adjust to car living. I need a space I can hide from the world, even if that is an 8x8 room in the middle of nowhere.

3. Move somewhere affordable and actually be able to find a company that would rent to me. This is the most desirable of my three options however I don't see it as very plausible because I'm unemployed, I don't think anyone would rent to me, even if I could pay the lease in full on move in day.

- If I were to move, I'd have to figure out where. The cheapest place I can think of is Phoenix, however Arizona doesn't really sound like the place a trans-girl wants to find herself in. Does anyone have any suggestions about where to move and/or if Phoenix is a good place?

Anyways, that's my little rant. If you could help me out with some advice that would be amazing, if not, that's fine too I guess. I'm just trying to figure out what to do here. At 20 years old and no real attachments anywhere, I figure it's a big scary world out there and it's about time I go and explore it.

Thanks for your time, folks.

[Cindy]

I do know how you feel. I left home went to University and emigrated to Australia when I was  22, mainly because I knew my family had issues. I loved them and they me, but they could't deal with my gender issues.

It is scary and really challenging. I was alone, new no one and had to start s new life. But on reflection it was also a lot of fun.

One thing it does do is make you grow up damn quick!

My experiences. Stay safe, find somewhere safe to live and not your car. Watch out who you make friend with, it is easy to find solace with losers who are just into party life, booze and drugs. Definitely not a safe place for a transgender person. Keep focused as much as you can. Work at anything that pays.

And make a life plan of what you want to do. Then do it.

Good luck Honey

[Ms Grace]

Yes, stay safe whatever you do.

OK, so you're on HRT, that's great. Changes will happen but they aren't instant, you'll have time to plan what you need to do. I'd suggest that if you want to move out you need to focus on securing employment, easier said than done but anything to get you started will be of benefit.

[Felix]

Leaving my blood family was a miracle for me. I even tried going back to them 3 or 4 or 5 or way too many times to try to make it work, and I'm satisfied that leaving was the right choice. I cut ties without even having transition in mind, but it was probably in the back of my head. My relatives are very religious and not accepting of people like us.

I've been so much happier without them. I didn't realize how toxic and dysfunctional our relationships were until I walked away.

I really tried to be family to my family. I agree that family is important and I would have given anything for mine, but in my case that loyalty was a mistake.

I don't know how to tell you about how to go forward. I had to learn to feed myself and find safety in my early teens so it never even crossed my mind that anyone would help me explore adulthood.

If I were in your position I would research and find the city or state or country you like best, go there, and then look for a job. Being homeless or wasting money on a hotel for a few weeks or months won't kill you. Your life is important. If the economy doesn't have room for you where you want to be you could look into trade schools or short certification courses.

Good luck. I would really really be in the camp of encouraging you to walk away from mean people, but I know I'm biased.

[Kylo]

Freedom and independence is tough and expensive, but it does afford a peace of mind that's essential in some situations. Like ours.

Throwing away toxic environments is a no-brainer. Depressive, fearful, toxic situations not only change your mind but they'll change your whole body chemistry and possibly even your DNA if you spend too long in them. Yup, it's been proven that stressful situations can switch genes on and off in the body. Find or make a better environment and you'll give yourself the best chance at living longer and happier. Even if it's difficult, it's worth it. Bad home situations destroy lives. I've watched it happen and narrowly escaped it myself. 

[Dena]

- If I were to move, I'd have to figure out where. The cheapest place I can think of is Phoenix, however Arizona doesn't really sound like the place a trans-girl wants to find herself in. Does anyone have any suggestions about where to move and/or if Phoenix is a good place?.

Wait a moment, that's my home town!!! I am not sure why you don't want to live here because we have several doctors providing treatment, a great surgeon and a Pride run coming up. I have located several other members of the board who live in the area and one even connected me with a place to receive HRT. As far as cheap, a small isolated town might be cheaper but as you are still in school, we have community colleges as well as ASU.

[WhatIAm]

Wait a moment, that's my home town!!! I am not sure why you don't want to live here because we have several doctors providing treatment, a great surgeon and a Pride run coming up. I have located several other members of the board who live in the area and one even connected me with a place to receive HRT. As far as cheap, a small isolated town might be cheaper but as you are still in school, we have community colleges as well as ASU.

It's not necessarily a personal criticism of the Phoenix area itself. More so to do with the fact that it's a fairly red state and has not been known to be kind to trans people in the law. Just last year there was the bathroom bill issue.  I'm not sure what the outcome of that was, but I'd imagine it didn't go our way.

If you have more information about Phoenix, or just AZ in general, I really could use some convincing.

[Dena]

There have been a few stories but we also have a bar that puts on trans acts. As far as bathrooms, I haven't had any issues with them over the years. I think ASU has transgender support and I am in stores all over the valley and never had a problem. We have an extensive tourist industry so the rule is you don't insult the money supply and most places in tempe cater to the college students so they are careful with students. As far as being a red state, we are more purple as a number of democrats have been elected to high office over the years. The bathroom bill didn't pass so go where you need to. That bar that wouldn't serve a trans woman received an enormous amount of heat over that and are now much more careful about insulting a customer. It may not be perfect but it's not bad.
http://transgenderlawcenter.org/archives/8128

[EmilyRyan]

I'm in the same boat as well 24 years old, stuck home with parents that refuse to support despite seeming loving, and also attending a local community college though I graduated back in May of last year and right now just taking classes to get credit toward a four year degree (long story).  Unfortunately I see no way out of my situation despite being major close to some good resources. 

I'm sure you'll have way better luck that I ever will and if it helps I hear Maryland is a great state for trans people I do believe their state medicaid is easy to qualify for unlike where I live and I hear the Chase Brexton clinic is a good place to get hormones it's informed consent and from what I heard the cost can be little to nothing depending on your income. 

Hope all goes well for ya I wish you the very best whatever you decide to do and remember you're not alone. 

[kk]

I just got the key to my new apartment today. I moved for similar reasons. Want to move from a toxic environment and have time away from family and friends.

My dad agreed to cosign a lease. Is that an option for you? Not necessarily a parent but someone you trust with good credit? Another idea could be to get a van of some sort. Roomier than a car, until you figure things out.

I don't know how far you want to move. I'm in Oregon. My ftm friend who is farther in transition than I said he considered oregon because of its trans friendly laws. I haven't looked into them myself.

[samiam]

I feel this way, too...I have a family that really loves me in their way but would never be able to handle me transitioning. I don't live with them, but I live in a small town near them, about twenty minutes down the road. I'm planning on moving to Chicago as soon as I can get enough saved to make it feasible.