I'm so messy

[lincoln_2u]

Hello everyone, as you can see I'm new here.
I don't understand why we live in a world where male must be manly and female girly... I am male, but I don't feel so manly. I've always been more inclined to girly things... So I'll explain.

When I was a kid, I always liked to do girly things. I come from a christian family, so I was raised to be manly. Growing up, I always tried to keep these thoughts away, as I've always seen everyone not hetero wrong. I never had friends because boys need to befriend with boys, thing is, I've always felt "out of place" hanging out with boys, and never had female friends. A couple of years ago, I was talking with an girl from school (we're already in college), and I felt she was sad somehow. And talking about how depresed she was, one day she came out to me as lesbian. Seeing how hard it was for her, as her parents are homophobic and she was going with a hard relationship with another girl, I began to google about everything to better understand her. And then I found a lot of things about myself too... First I tought I was trans, but I don't know now... Here's why...

I've always liked female fashion. I love dresses, skirts, etc... So I really wanted to be a girl myself. I don't like my genitalia but then I don't hate my male body. A female clothes woud not go good with a male body, so that's why I want a female body. I don't know if this is dysphoria because, regarding my sexuality, I like girls. Even so I don't care if is a girl with a boy's body. I really FEEL like a girl sometimes, but when I see myself at a mirror, I feel like a boy. I'm so confused because I want to be a girl and then I like girls... I want to look like a girl but it's not that I "hate" my actual appearence (even so I always hated having a penis). 

Someone had a situation like this or I'm really not "there" yet. "there" I mean that everything is so new for me and maybe I need more time to discover more about myself...
I'm feeling lonely because my friend asked me to leave her alone for a while because she needs to think about her life. And then I found this site...

I think this post is already huge, so I'll discuss other things later.

[arice]

First, sexual orientation and gender identity are separate things... probably not independent but separate none the less. It is entirely possible for you to identify as feminine and be attracted to women. It is also entirely possible that you are non-binary and don't identify as exclusively male or female.
Good luck with your journey of self discovery. I hope you find it filled with more love and joy than pain.

Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Sexual identity and sexual preference are not the same thing. The rules are no different for the transgender than they are for somebody CIS. You may become a woman but your sexual preference could be heterosexual, gay, bisexual or asexual. The second issue is we experience our discomfort differently. You could be uncomfortable because of the way society treats you, the way your body appears or both. In my case, my discomfort was mostly social but I was happy to have surgery and move all the way into womanhood. I am not exactly sure you are non binary but I could be wrong so I am going to give you two links that may help explain things to you. The first is our Wiki where you will learn what the major groupings are. Don't worry if the description is not an exact match because it's more about what you feel than what the book says. The second link is "the transition channel" which is more aimed at the transsexual end of the scale. If you may or may not be transsexual but that is for you to decide. Feel free to ask me any question you might have and I will do my best to answer them.

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[lincoln_2u]

Thanks for the help... I'll take a time and read the wiki and see this youtube channel too. I'm so busy with college, I have time for nothing...
Thank you.