It's tough. It's tough, especially if you're the kind of person who wasn't overly concern with sexual gratification to begin with. At first I kind of hated it, I had that feeling of clitoral swelling when I got aroused, but I also get some lube every once in a while if something manages to really turn me on. Have tried to masturbate, use the magic wand, all that, and it just doesn't work for me, and yet - I've had powerful orgasms in my sleep, during dreams (really sexual dreams, some in which I have a vagina, others in which I'm banging other girls with a dick).
The psychosexual landscape of a TG person is inherently bizarre, or maybe that's just me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't worry about it so much. There's a chance you may never have an orgasm again. I haven't had a conscious orgasm in four years or more. It is what it is. The neo-vag is a hard thing to get used to, and a pain in the ass to maintain. At some point I guess you just have to practice self-acceptance, because despite what we wanted to believe in the beginning, we're never going to come out of that magical cocoon as a perfect woman.
The reality of our physical existence is that we're often bulky, ungainly bodies that have been skillfully carved up into a shape that drives us less insane. That's just it. We can't dwell on what we don't have or never will have, we just have to accept what we've got and find our own truth. Even after surgery, after SRS, FFS, HRT, years and years of therapy, we might get to the other side and still not know who the hell we are or what we actually want - the woman thing will be resolved, we'll be comfy in that. But then it's like the soldier coming home from war looking around and going 'now what?'
