Am I trans?

[samsea]

I feel like there are quite a few signs that I'm probably trans (FTM), but also quite a few signs that I'm not, and I don't know whether I am or not.
On the one hand:
- I have always felt very uncomfortable having breasts- I refused to wear a bra until i was 14 or 15 and my mum forced me to go bra shopping. Ideally I would be completely flat chested. These days I am more comfortable wearing bras than I used to, but I still wear sports bras a lot of the time to try and flatten my breasts a bit.
- I have always been uncomfortable having periods, and for several months I hid the fact that I had started my period from my mum because I felt so disgusted by it.
- I feel uncomfortable wearing women's clothes, and try to wear gender neutral clothes where possible. I feel sick thinking about the fact that soon I will be graduating from university and starting a job, which will presumably require me to wear a women's suit. I really want to wear a men's suit and tie.
- I have always felt uncomfortable being called Miss. Recently I tried using Ms, thinking maybe the fact that Miss is just quite patronising is what was making me uncomfortable, but I still feel awkward using Ms too. I also hate when people refer to me as lady/woman etc.
- I feel really detached from my name, like it belongs to someone else or something.

So all these points pretty much point towards me being trans. BUT:
- I have no desire to have a penis, and am actually quite repulsed by them. I think vaginas are much more attractive and quite like having one.
- The only porn I like is lesbian porn and that's the only type of sex I can ever really imagine myself having. I have no desire to use a strap on.
- When I play video games or whatever, I always play as the girl if there's the option (except one game where I played as the guy in order to marry a cute female character haha. But if the game had allowed lesbian marriage, I imagine I would have gone for that)
- I have no desire to have facial hair/hairy chest etc
- I have only ever really had female friends, and while I was tomboyish growing up, I was never "one of the boys" and I feel far more comfortable around women than men.

So what do you guys think this means?

[suzifrommd]

- I have no desire to have a penis, and am actually quite repulsed by them. I think vaginas are much more attractive and quite like having one.
- The only porn I like is lesbian porn and that's the only type of sex I can ever really imagine myself having. I have no desire to use a strap on.
- When I play video games or whatever, I always play as the girl if there's the option (except one game where I played as the guy in order to marry a cute female character haha. But if the game had allowed lesbian marriage, I imagine I would have gone for that)
- I have no desire to have facial hair/hairy chest etc
- I have only ever really had female friends, and while I was tomboyish growing up, I was never "one of the boys" and I feel far more comfortable around women than men.

So what do you guys think this means?

I don't think the body interests really have anything to do with being trans. All sorts of people prefer all sorts of bodies. Ditto the friends and the role playing games.

My gender therapist tells me I can wear myself out trying to classify myself. What's more important is how I want to live. With that in mind, I made plans to transition to being a woman without even being sure I'm trans. I'm very glad I did. It's a much more natural way to live.

[purplewuggybird]

I think a real question you should ask yourself is do I want to live as a woman or a man for the rest of my life? There you might find the answer.
Purple


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[Peep]

Also remember that you don't have to be binary male/female to be trans. there are people who identify with no gender at all but still physically or socially transition in some way

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. What you are describing is non binary. Binary means male or female and non binary would mean not quite male or female. Non binary is a transgender classification but it's not transsexual. It might be desirable for you to have breast surgery and T might be a consideration depending on how you feel but there is nothing wrong with maintaining your vagina and what ever sexual relationship you are comfortable with. We have a non binary section you might find interesting but feel free to enjoy and post anywhere on the site. To help you understand transgender and non binary, I am giving you a link to our Wiki where you can start your education. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have and I will do my best to answer them.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[Tasha_]

I think it means that you are a complicated person, with complicated feelings just like every other person on the planet. I believe that everybody is trans in their own way, only it takes an open mind to admit it. The gender spectrum is infinite, and there is an infinite number of places a person  can be on it.

Are you having trouble finding a label for yourself? Or are you having a hard time identifying how you feel? I think by all labels I fit into the non-binary scope more than anything, as I am a male who feels very feminine some days, and I thoroughly enjoy shopping for and wearing women's clothes, and presenting myself as a woman. Other days I am happy being more masculine and don't feel like fussing with all of it. Other days still I'm in the middle and I am simply a man in a skirt and no shirt. I feel like the gender stereotypes and binary gender system we live by is too arbitrary to buy into, so after 20 + years of feeling like there was something wrong with me, I told my wife how I was feeling and she helped me to just accept myself for who I am, and now I simply try to use a label that people understand, and am not worry so much about what it means.

As far as genitalia go, it doesn't matter how you identify on the gender spectrum, if you like what you have keep it!!! My wife and I are very happy with my parts and I have no intention of changing them.

I love being a part of a spectrum and not being stuck on one side or the other of a line, makes life much more beautiful, and it makes me a happier person!!!

We'll, I hope this helps in some way, and if you ever want to chat about it, or anything else let me know. If you're curious or need help, I'd say you came to the right place, it has definitely helped me getting to meet some of the great people on this forum.

Tasha

[keira166]

- I have only ever really had female friends, and while I was tomboyish growing up, I was never "one of the boys" and I feel far more comfortable around women than men.

How else do you feel socially?  Like, I'm still trying to get to know how I feel about the way I act and think.  For me (historically a person who values irreverent honesty, strength and independence most), I've been trying to figure how I feel about myself when I'm opening up to people, being sensitive and caring about those around me, and other things I wouldn't consider as normal for myself and my sex.  For me, that's the heart of my gender discovery, at least right now.  My body dysmorphia of course is a part of me, but I try to think of them at least partially separate.  If I was born a girl, I could still be unhappy with my appearance but might not consider myself trans then.

I think Tasha and Suzi are right, don't worry about labels as much.  Labels are only as good as finding similar people and stories (like Dena said, maybe check out the non-binary area).  Take the thought that you might be somewhere on the trans spectrum (I mean, you posted b/c you suspected, and those are legit aspects of you) and use it to work out how you feel best.  You may or may not come to the conclusion that you're far enough away from traditional girls to consider yourself trans, but I think the point is to think about what makes you happy (not that any decision is final anyway, life changes, change with it).  My biggest regret is that I was so strict on myself and had stuff I just refused to think about, regardless of almost anything. 

Oh, and yeah, while it feels really weird sometimes, wearing a men's suit, tie, and all that can be really fun, as long as I don't have to for long...

[Emileeeee]

Trying to label yourself is going to drive you insane. Labels are for other people to describe you, not for you to describe you. You are who you are. Why does there have to be a label?

Why not try being a guy in public somewhere away from anybody you know and see how it feels? Or maybe just dress more masculine among friends when going out without actually dropping the T word. Therapy could also help cut through the confusion.

I tried being a girl in public when I was in my 20s and it was easily the best day of my life. It was one of the few days I remembered being happy. I also found as I got closer to transition that it made me every bit as happy to hear someone refer to me as ma'am or referring to our group as ladies. I knew I was trans, but I didn't know if transition was right for me, so I did the only thing someone like me does in that situation. I started it like a first skydive. I jumped first and figured out how to handle it when I no longer had a choice to turn back. Best decision I ever made.

[kaitylynn]

Being that there really is not cookie cutter definition of what our experience actually is (Trans), 'are or not' is less relevant than going with how you feel in this moment.  There is so much more to who we are than just the few sliders we focus on to help us recognize our own cognizance.  Once the questions start, a good therapist with experience in gender studies would be a great asset.

When I first felt any of this, I had no resources to work out what 'this' is.  Kind of winged it thinking I was simply nuts and that may be true.  As time went on I started to explore and delve deep into the oceans of identity.  You are on a good tack.  There is no one way you must be and the questions you ask

A great place that you can start is a local LGBTQ center support group, provided there is one local to you. 

[Tasha_]

Keira has definitely got a point, I know women that act and dress very masculine, and they still identify as female because that is who they are... Some people have said some mean stuff about them, but they don't care, that's just who they are.... You don't have to be a level 9 transsexual, THERE IS NO SUCH THING (not yelling, stressing). You are you. You define yourself. So ask yourself, does this make me happy? If it does, then that is who you are. E plate yourself and don't feel like your are wrong for anything that you find.

Tasha