Depression and Abilify

[Tristyn]

So I was started on Abilify a couple of weeks ago and noticed a difference. After all of the puking, I am very mellowed out now. But sometimes, I just feel too mellow to the point where I really have to wind myself up to get anything done. Like it takes a lot out of me to do even the simplest tasks like washing dishes or even tying my shoes. Like things seem so pointless now almost more than before Abilify. But the nice thing about it is that it's keeping me out of the hospital. I don't need to have a relapse, especially while I am in school making good use of my time. Anyone else on mood stabilizers or other mental prescription drugs that cause you more depression, guilt, embarrassment, shame, and anxiety than before?

Also, do little things irritate you after being on medication like this for a while? I mean, I was always like that, but some things seem amplified when it comes to irritation. Like when I was at seminar for school tonight, online, one of the male students made the winking emoticon and said my legal name as if to flirt with me or something. I was imagining what he might look like so I could make bloody meat sauce out of his face. Things like that, that really don't matter. Anyone have this issue heightened with meds? For some reason, if a female had done that, I wouldn't have gotten angry at all. I would welcome that. 

[stephaniec]

if they help you it's good. The first time I was put on antidepressants and antipsychotics was when I was going to the University of Illinois and another college in Santa Fe  New Mexico. They mellowed me out too much where I ended up dropping out. Before I took that stuff I was an A and B student then after starting that stuff I went bust. It affected me differently because I was so sick at the time. I was a severe anorexic and they were just trying to help me , but my school work went to hell. The second time I was put on antidepressants and antipsychotics was 2 years ago before I started HRT and was about to end my life. I personally can't take that stuff because the cure is way worse than the illness, but that's just me and everyone is different.

[Tristyn]

if they help you it's good. The first time I was put on antidepressants and antipsychotics was when I was going to the University of Illinois and another college in Santa Fe  New Mexico. They mellowed me out too much where I ended up dropping out. Before I took that stuff I was an A and B student then after starting that stuff I went bust. It affected me differently because I was so sick at the time. I was a severe anorexic and they were just trying to help me , but my school work went to hell. The second time I was put on antidepressants and antipsychotics was 2 years ago before I started HRT and was about to end my life. I personally can't take that stuff because the cure is way worse than the illness, but that's just me and everyone is different.

Nah, I agree with you Stephanie. I don't like taking these things either but I don't have a choice. If I had a job, I would totally rely on natural remedies. I am starting to feel like a zombie and just not wanting to do anything. I am only able to do things cause I really force myself. I never really want to do them. I couldn't deal with anti-psychotics. Those drove me nuts with those involuntary muscle spasms in my eyes. Never again, with those. So, it sounds like you also had an awful experience with these things. How do you manage your mental health now without any prescription drugs?

Also, has anyone had any experience with cannabis or medical marijuana? Like I am that desperate to feel better. My mental state is just slowly deteriorating day after day. Only my fear of death is keeping me here. I sometimes wish I would fall asleep and never wake up. 

[stephaniec]

Well, I'm coming from the other side of the tracks. so what helped me isn't going to help you. the thing that helped me and was a good replacement for anything like antidepressants and antipsychotics was the estrogen. I don't know how you guys react to T mentally, but T has the opposite effect for me.

[Tristyn]

Well, I'm coming from the other side of the tracks. so what helped me isn't going to help you. the thing that helped me and was a good replacement for anything like antidepressants and antipsychotics was the estrogen. I don't know how you guys react to T mentally, but T has the opposite effect for me.

So in short, transitioning with hormones is what you needed. I am still struggling to find an endo. I'm having so many setbacks that I cut myself today out of anger and desperation for hope. I think I know one I can see but I just don't want to get my hopes up anymore just so it gets shot out of the sky again like a duck.

How can someone who can't be on hormones right now manage poor mental health? I'm so desperate, I might get them illegally and I don't want this. I just want to be able to live. This is not living. I'm dragging my feet all the time, not looking forward to this hernia repair I have to get on Friday, don't want to do anything. The only thing I want to do is disappear.

[Arch]

What other drugs have you tried? I tried three different antidepressants from three different families, and an antianxiety med. Only the last antidepressant, Wellbutrin, did anything for me without unacceptable side effects.

One med had me sweating 24/7, and I couldn't orgasm. I didn't feel better, either.

Another med made me so draggy that I could barely haul myself out of bed in the morning. I wasn't as depressed per se, but I could barely function because I was so ->-bleeped-<-ged out all the time. I felt fuzzy and muted. That was...depressing.

Wellbutrin had a dramatic effect. I was pretty insane for a couple of weeks while I acclimated (I could see that my partner was embarrassed to be in public with me), and I was squirrely for a couple of weeks after that. My whole body vibrated, I had visual disturbances, my dreams were bizarre...it was quite a trip. The only lasting side effect was tinnitus, which I had all day, every day, for the entire time I was on the med. I was borderline suicidal over that, but since I was a bit irrational during the first two or three weeks, I was coming up with irrational ways to kill myself. Anyway, the nuttiness passed. The tinnitus mostly went away when I stopped the medication, although I do still get it occasionally. (When I clear my ears, I'm okay.)

The ringing in my ears was hard to take, but Wellbutrin smoothed me out and enabled me to function. I wasn't angry or hairtrigger, I wasn't sluggish, and only the one side effect was the price I was willing to pay.

I've never tried Abilify; that's a newer drug. I thought that it is a co-medication that people are supposed to take with their regular antidepressant? Anyway, my doctor said that antidepressants are unpredictable and that we would experiment with one after the other until we found one that worked. That's exactly what we did. If you don't like Abilify, can you try something else?

[Tristyn]

What other drugs have you tried? I tried three different antidepressants from three different families, and an antianxiety med. Only the last antidepressant, Wellbutrin, did anything for me without unacceptable side effects.

Oh, I've tried so many that I'm losing count. I've tried Wellbutrin before and that did not seem to do anything good or bad. I've tried Abilify before. I originally started taking it again so I could seem compliant after a recent suicidal ideation episode of mine. I've tried Prozac, Trazedone, Zoloft, Geodone, Zyprexa, Clonopine, just so many! I know Zyprexa is actually an anti-psychotic, so does that one even count?

One med had me sweating 24/7, and I couldn't orgasm. I didn't feel better, either.

Another med made me so draggy that I could barely haul myself out of bed in the morning. I wasn't as depressed per se, but I could barely function because I was so ->-bleeped-<-ged out all the time. I felt fuzzy and muted. That was...depressing.

Wellbutrin had a dramatic effect. I was pretty insane for a couple of weeks while I acclimated (I could see that my partner was embarrassed to be in public with me), and I was squirrely for a couple of weeks after that. My whole body vibrated, I had visual disturbances, my dreams were bizarre...it was quite a trip. The only lasting side effect was tinnitus, which I had all day, every day, for the entire time I was on the med. I was borderline suicidal over that, but since I was a bit irrational during the first two or three weeks, I was coming up with irrational ways to kill myself. Anyway, the nuttiness passed. The tinnitus mostly went away when I stopped the medication, although I do still get it occasionally. (When I clear my ears, I'm okay.)

The ringing in my ears was hard to take, but Wellbutrin smoothed me out and enabled me to function. I wasn't angry or hairtrigger, I wasn't sluggish, and only the one side effect was the price I was willing to pay.

Now I see why Wellbutrin was the last psyche med you've taken. You've had quite the rough ride with these things. I honestly don't like the stuff, like Stephanie because the side-effects seem almost worse than the illness. It's not even worth it to me sometimes. I can't believe doctors expect us to deal with the side-effects too! Right now I am definitely feeling unmotivated beyond reason. Kinda like what you explained about not wanting to get out of bed. I know I am a dialysis patient, but even before taking medicine again, I didn't feel this sluggish.

I've never tried Abilify; that's a newer drug. I thought that it is a co-medication that people are supposed to take with their regular antidepressant? Anyway, my doctor said that antidepressants are unpredictable and that we would experiment with one after the other until we found one that worked. That's exactly what we did. If you don't like Abilify, can you try something else?

That's what I was thinking, but I forgot to ask the E.R. psyche doc about it before I was discharged. I think I will see him as my outpatient psychiatrist next month. So at that time, I will definitely mention it.

And yes, I would love to try another medicine. I have to, just to stay away from the hospital and not have those obtrusive suicidal ideations and thoughts of self-harm.

[Arch]

I had a friend on an antidepressant (I think Prozac) and an anti-anxiety med (can't remember what it was) and whose side effects were so bad that she had medications for the side effects. I figure that if meds are better than no meds, then the side effects have to be worth it, but...sheesh.

It looks like you are just using the med that bothers you the least.

I still have winter depression, but I manage. I still have anxiety issues. But my day-to-day depression is mostly under control without meds. I'm not sure how much of my improvement stems from hormones and how much comes from living as myself. Maybe it's a combination. So I don't know how much of my mood problem was situational. At any rate, transitioning helped me a great deal, but I've needed a few years to feel truly stable. I hope you have the same experience...but I've never had to deal with a serious illness. I should think that it would place an enormous amount of stress on a person.

Guess I'm just rambling here. No real help to offer.