Sexuality/Confusion

[Midnightstar]

I'm a little bit confused on my sexuality
I notice that with me I can love and care for a person I can even get physical but I prefer not to and I don't like to so I simply don't. I consider myself a gray ace meaning I can have sexual attraction but "For me" I don't, to be honest it's more of a choice for me.
In the past days something has come up and it made me wonder quite a few things one of them being why is it that I don't seem to feel the same type of love as other people? I can deal with hugging or cuddling, it doesn't bother me. The problem is I don't necessarily want to hug or cuddle and I don't actually really feel anything towards it. Not that I don't love or care i do love and i do care. But there's something about this physical stuff that I don't seem to register. I guess I'm looking for some answers or advice because it's confusing. And being in a relationship I definitely don't want everything to go downhill just because it turns out I can't give what they're wanting eventually.

[Laura_7]

There is a biological explanation for being transgender.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,206300.msg1830792.html#msg1830792
This might help with self acceptance.
Its nobody's fault, it just is.
Over time your body will be more like you would like it.
You could try to appreciate what you have now.
And you could try to see love as some kind of energy, independent of body parts.
With stimulation with vibrators like magic wands a feeling detached from body parts is possible, making for pleasurable experiences.
You could enjoy a fantasy meanwhile, and learn to simply enjoy the feeling, and connect it all with love and something pleasurable.


*hugs*

[Midnightstar]

There is a biological explanation for being transgender.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,206300.msg1830792.html#msg1830792
This might help with self acceptance.
Its nobody's fault, it just is.
Over time your body will be more like you would like it.
You could try to appreciate what you have now.
And you could try to see love as some kind of energy, independent of body parts.
With stimulation with vibrators like magic wands a feeling detached from body parts is possible, making for pleasurable experiences.
You could enjoy a fantasy meanwhile, and learn to simply enjoy the feeling, and connect it all with love and something pleasurable.


*hugs*

Sorry i'm a little lost this is about my sexuality more then anything
i'm not interested in being sexual nor are they i'm just trying to figure out why i don't feel the same sort of love others do?
(i may have misunderstood something idk)

[Laura_7]

Sorry i'm a little lost this is about my sexuality more then anything
i'm not interested in being sexual nor are they i'm just trying to figure out why i don't feel the same sort of love others do?
(i may have misunderstood something idk)

Imo because you are blocked.

You are not really in your body imo. Not in an emotional sense.
You might try to come down knowing your body will go in the direction you want expressionwise.

Its like you hover above ... and are not really present ...

right ?


*hugs*

[Midnightstar]

I guess the only way I could describe it is like the friendship I have with my best friend sort of like that in a sense. For example: when I was leaving one day me and my friend decided to hug each other and say goodbye I didn't necessarily feel no love I mean I expressed compassion and I was going to miss her I also didn't want to leave. However when it came to the hugs I really not only did not know how to respond but it felt quite awkward. I guess its the same with relationships when it comes to physical contacted it feels the same way awkward almost like I have absolutely no connection to the hugs or cuddles given.
But I have a connection and emotions to the person not so much the actions, that probably came out strange.
Naturally I would probably claim that this is what happens when you're like me and have absolutely no friends around you often and only occasionally get to see actual people who are friends so my contact with people is very little. But it doesn't really seem like that's the case because even with my best friend around me who I felt extremely comfortable with it so happens just in another way just we are not  in a relationship that was just an example but it's basically the same thing.

[Laura_7]

I guess the only way I could describe it is but the friendship I have with my best friend and sort of like that in a sense for example: when I was leaving one day we decided to hug each other and say goodbye I didn't necessarily feel no love I mean I expressed compassion and I was going to miss her I also didn't want to leave. But when it came to the hug I really not only did not know how to respond but it felt quite awkward I guess with that relationships when it comes to physical contacted feels the same way awkward almost like I have absolutely no connection to the hugs or cuddles given.
But I have a connection and emotions to the person not so much the actions, that probably came out strange.

Its possible there are a few things.
When people numb down emotions usually all emotions are numbed down. Its not possible to numb only a few.
You might try to feel more emotions ... wanted and unwanted ones... you will get used to it, and there wil be more positive ones if you concentrate on them... like enjoying them, and prolonging them.

You could try to feel more in your body. Not only being there in a rational sense but really liking it ... enjoying the sun on the skin ... a cup of warm tea... consciously being in the body in nice moments. You can recapture those moments later.
It helps feeling more in the body, and then hugs are less unfamiliar.


*hugs*

[Dena]

What you describe could make you asexual. When you are asexual, the physical attraction may not exist but the desire to  be with others and even the desire to be sexually active can still remain. I am demisexual but there are other variations. While the link discusses Demisexuals, the site also discusses other variations so see if any of them apply to you.
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual

[Elis]

For me physical contact makes me uncomfortable. I like my own space. When I had a gf and we were first dating I found it hugely uncomfortable when she started touching me to flirt. I guess it's partly due to me being demisexual and partly me not being used to human contact.

[Midnightstar]

For me physical contact makes me uncomfortable. I like my own space. When I had a gf and we were first dating I found it hugely uncomfortable when she started touching me to flirt. I guess it's partly due to me being demisexual and partly me not being used to human contact.

Yea, i think that's part of my problem.

[KarlMars]

I have felt this way all my life, Midnightstar.

[Laura_7]

For me physical contact makes me uncomfortable. I like my own space. When I had a gf and we were first dating I found it hugely uncomfortable when she started touching me to flirt. I guess it's partly due to me being demisexual and partly me not being used to human contact.

It can be learned.

Don't live only in your head, try to do a few things that you like and acknowledge your body.


*hugs*