I had a particularly bad day yesterday and it wasn't caused by misgendering or dysphoria. It was caused by people close to me telling me why I'm the way I am and what I need to do to fix it and how I'm ruining my life by doing this. I built up a lot of mental fortitude prior to going fulltime, but this caught me off guard because it was someone that showed initial support for over a year, then suddenly blasts me for using this to fix my problems and telling me I have a mental illness. They went on further to describe how they once knew a postop that took their own life and that's where I was headed. Do they not get that doing this to someone that you already believe is depressed, will make it worse???
Anyway I spent the night crying, wondering what the point of being alive was, wondering why everybody but me deserves to be happy, etc. I'm better now and not having any bad thoughts though. I also cut that "friend" off because I don't need that crap in my life, but that's hard too because I've known them for several years. I didn't post this for sympathy. I posted this because I believed that the days of depression were gone now that I finally knew what it meant to be happy. Not depression like missing people. Depression like there's no point to living. I was totally unprepared for that to happen. I thought maybe it would be a good idea to post this so future transitioners can be better prepared than I was.
