I don't want to hurt my family/name change.

[Midnightstar]

I'm starting to want to let my parents use my birth name, many people tell me i don't need to put up with that and not to feel bad. But to be honest i do feel bad in fact i feel terrible because i have a problem, and i have empathy for that problem for the reason: My grandfather wanted me to have that birth name even though my birth name is unisex its associated with female so it makes me personally unhappy because it makes me "Think" people are thinking about my birth name being "Female" and how i am at birth a "Female" and it makes me think its easier for people to point out i am trans because of this name having connections to a female side. But my grandfather and he is a great person, and i truly wish i didn't have to in someways even it creates problems if i don't change the name. He always wanted a kid named what i was....so it hurts knowing i'll be dropping it in front of my family. So i was thinking about legally changing my name and eventually moving so where i live i can be called Jorden like i am wanting. But if i move away then people at my home place and around that area can still call me my birth name and no harm is done or at least i'm hoping. I don't want to hurt my family......and i want to make it balanced but i don't know if it'll work and i want advice. Because where i am one of the easiest things would be to actually change my name
problem is this is stopping me. 

[cindianna_jones]

Change your name to what you want. Ask your family politely to use it. They'll probably come around after a while. I gave in to my family a bit and let them use a nick that can be used for either gender. That was over thirty years ago and they still use it even though I asked them to call me by my legal name over 25 years ago. I think it is best to start out with your choice.

[Obfuskatie]

Your chosen name is the person you are and will be. Your given name is who you were. I'm not entirely sure about the whole name given by your grandfather thing, but it doesn't hurt to ask your family to respect your decisions.

After a while of everyone around me calling me Katie, it's bizarre when I visit my family and I'm back to Casey/Case/Caser/etc.. But they're my family and I'm going to be patient with them. I will say that when my mom called me Katie in public the first time, it was a big deal for me and I teared up. I didn't realize how much it mattered to me until then.

Maybe moving is the answer, maybe insisting with your family, who knows. You're going to have to try something. My childhood home is somewhat comforting, but I don't feel comfortable moving back because it feels too much like trying to inhabit the place where my old self resides, that I don't particularly like much and was very unhappy being.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[cindianna_jones]

I couldn't see my kids often for many years. I could only get back to Utah once a year or so. They grew up calling me "Uhm." I don't know where that came from but it was fine. It seemed to fit pretty well at the beginning of a sentence in public. I never said anything either way about it. My son now calls me by my very old nick "Micki." I used that for like one year when I was transitioning. My real name is Michelle.

[Elis]

I don't get why you can't keep it as a middle name or choose a similar sounding name as your middle name. I wouldn't feel bad about changing your name because you can't help the fact you're trans and the name just doesn't fit you anymore. It's simply the circumstance you're faced with and it can't be helped.
I picked a name that was so different from my birth name; plus I had middle names that I didn't want to keep or adapted to a masculine alternative. Not sure my family like that but I have to live with my name. Plus I spent a good 21 yrs with a name I didn't like so I deserve the name I picked for myself.

[Midnightstar]

I don't get why you can't keep it as a middle name or choose a similar sounding name as your middle name. I wouldn't feel bad about changing your name because you can't help the fact you're trans and the name just doesn't fit you anymore. It's simply the circumstance you're faced with and it can't be helped.
I picked a name that was so different from my birth name; plus I had middle names that I didn't want to keep or adapted to a masculine alternative. Not sure my family like that but I have to live with my name. Plus I spent a good 21 yrs with a name I didn't like so I deserve the name I picked for myself.

I am i'm planning on using "Jorden Samuel"  and have it changed a little problem is idk if that'll work.

[Elis]

I am i'm planning on using "Jorden Samuel"  and have it changed a little problem is idk if that'll work.

That's a really nice sounding name Samuel happens to be a masculine alternative to my birth name.
I used to find people deadnaming me to be very depressing but I'm now sort of used to it because it doesn't feel like that was ever my name and it doesn't feel like they're referring to me. Plus the person deadnaming me looks pretty stupid for calling me that when I don't look like that person anymore.
Anyway; there's always a chance people will deadname you whatever name you choose. Family have a special skill of doing that. So you may as well pick a name you like

[Tessa James]

Dear Jordan Samuel,  As your fairy godmother and fairy godfather please know that our love for you is based on mutual respect.  Our early thoughts about your destiny have and must give way to your real destiny as you make it.

Please understand that we support your self determination in life and want our relationship to continue with real regard for who you are and how we love one another. 

Family hierarchies need not be based on age, obligation or gender.  Guilt and shame do not reflect well on any of us and not the incentive we want to keep our family together.

We want to really know you and what animates your life.  Please tell us how you feel, that's important to us too.

Signed in an imaginary style.