Brake down

[Midnightstar]

So i am moving endocrinologists or at least that is my plan because i don't feel safe with my other one and i don't know very much about her experience but i don't have a good feeling, so i decided i need to find someone i can lay my trust on and not feel worried about, i know it'll be more complicated for me but in  the long run at least i'll maybe meet someone i actually trust. But my problem is i was holding the number in my hand today while walking around my house while everyone was sleeping. The next thing i know i'm sitting there breaking down just staring at this number. I don't know if the reality hit me or if something was locked up inside but whatever it is it it was emotional. I have a lot of mixed feelings on why this could have been and i don't have a complete one way answer for anyone. But i was wondering if others may have experienced a similar brake down it just seems so random to me and i'm searching for my answer...and maybe by listening to others i can find something that may solve why i felt how i felt inside that moment.

[Cindy]

Fear of the unknown?

Have you talked to your therapist about this?

You know this happens all the time in the early days. I'm frightened, my subconscious is frightened, my life is all over. i'll never do this, I doubt, I'm a wreck. Is this the right choice. Why?

So you tell your subconscious to shut up, it is full of the primitive fears we have.

You look in the mirror and say. One day I will be me.

Then you pick up the phone and call the number.

And one day you WILL be you.

Just as I am!

Then one day you may have a TV crew in your room asking "How did you get the courage to be you?"

And you have a think and you say. I don't know, I think I am me because I couldn't be someone else.

They look blank; but it makes sense to you.

[Midnightstar]

Fear of the unknown?

Have you talked to your therapist about this?

You know this happens all the time in the early days. I'm frightened, my subconscious is frightened, my life is all over. i'll never do this, I doubt, I'm a wreck. Is this the right choice. Why?

So you tell your subconscious to shut up, it is full of the primitive fears we have.

You look in the mirror and say. One day I will be me.

Then you pick up the phone and call the number.

And one day you WILL be you.

Just as I am!

Then one day you may have a TV crew in your room asking "How did you get the courage to be you?"

And you have a think and you say. I don't know, I think I am me because I couldn't be someone else.

They look blank; but it makes sense to you.

Nope because this just happened last night after i came home from a appointment with my therapist
Before i came home it was mostly him trying to get me more confidence and have me realize doubts are okay, on top of that he stated he thinks i have huge trust issues that prevent me from going where i'm really wanting (outside in the world exploring new things basically, moving forward) but that wasn't mentioned because it happened after.

I think some of me is still trying to grasp that this is common i grasp parts of that understanding
but other things just don't stick or click until later. But i'm starting to see the pattern others are seeing slowly.

[Dena]

One of the shows on radio had a therapist who people would call up to talk to about their problems. When they were stuck explaining something, she would ask them if they were "Happy, Sad, Mad or Afraid". Pretty much what we feel can be boiled down to those four emotions and then you have a direction to explore. I ask question of you, which of the four are you feeling?

[Midnightstar]

One of the shows on radio had a therapist who people would call up to talk to about their problems. When they were stuck explaining something, she would ask them if they were "Happy, Sad, Mad or Afraid". Pretty much what we feel can be boiled down to those four emotions and then you have a direction to explore. I ask question of you, which of the four are you feeling?

I guess if i had to pick between 4 emotions even if its not spot on fear would be the closer

[Dena]

The next question is what do you fear?
Do you fear the changes that will happen to you?
Not being able to change? An unknown future?
A known future?
The reaction of others?
The decisions you need to make?
Or something I haven't thought of?

[Midnightstar]

The next question is what do you fear?
Do you fear the changes that will happen to you?
Not being able to change? An unknown future?
A known future?
The reaction of others?
The decisions you need to make?
Or something I haven't thought of?

I would say probably a couple of them combined.  A big one would be what i'm doing in the decisions.
Sometimes I wonder if because of my learning difficulties if I completely comprehend or understand everything I'm doing my family treats me like i don't and i wonder if they are right. I know I'm slower than others and that concerns me a lot definitely when I'm freely making my own decisions in my life. Even though I probably do understand what I'm doing... It's almost like how I was raised to see myself is interrupting my confidence within myself making me doubt i'm able to do this alone. (I just recently realized that)
But even pushing that aside there is a lot of things that could be causing it mostly everything you wrote basically is a problem accept for a couple.  I actually think i just hit the nail on the head problem remains though.

[Dena]

A classic case of over thinking the problem and we all do it to some degree at first. This isn't a problem you can use logic to solve so it matters little if you have learning difficulties or are a genius. We are born with a set of feeling that we carry through life. This decision has to be made on an emotional level instead of a logical level because this is much like love. You no more logically decide you love somebody than you logically decide you are transgender.

You are isolated in an island for the rest of your life and no human will every see you again. How do you want your body to appear. That is your answer.