Hi Jayne, fellow aussie here, G'day
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Coming a bit late to the thread but I'd like to tell you my story to see if it helps as I see some similarities didn't know really until 40, crossdressing a man in women's clothes.
In my 20's I started to dislike aspects of my male body (hair and later hips/bottom). I probably wasn't that male to begin with more likely androgynous so hence the low dysphoria. To combat hair I was shaving legs (arm hair wasn't a problem then) and at 28 to combat hips/bottom I put on some weight to get the desired effect (slight detrimental effect on waist).
Fast forward to 40 the further masculinisation (is that a word?) had me having some dysphoria but it wasn't that severe (like removing penis time). I lived with it with the help of a good non-gender specialist psychologist for which I had been going to for a couple of years for other issues. During these sessions I decided I was transgender, being gender non-conforming to gender assigned at birth, but I had not decided what flavor.
A year later I was referred by my GP to a psychiatrist because of a breakdown with depression/anxiety that became unmanageable. And in our first meeting I came out and said I was transgender and the reply was to asked if I had crossdressed to which the answer was no, so therefore I wasn't transgender. The psychiatrist saying this caused me no end of angst and confusion because I felt the label fitted somewhat. It goes to show that even specialists have biases, it took me a while to believe that even with their training they still make profound mistakes.
When I was 42 I went to gender experienced psychologist again in our first meeting I came out again and was received well regardless of the clothes I wear. I was given help with identifying myself in the transgender spectrum as I didnt feel that 100% MTF was the right thing for me. I also was given the name of a gender experienced psychiatrist to replace the previous psychiatrist I dropped because of sub-par results.
In my sessions with the new psychiatrist, I have started experimenting with crossdressing (after thinking its just clothes and they would do nothing for me) and I too have hit the why bother since I just look like a man in womens clothes. The small success (via trial and error) I have found that it is best to have pants/jeans which are sized for your hips and long length to match leg length and tops/arms which are sized for your shoulders and I guess the styles I have bought pretty much results in having a androgynous look.
I am also starting with an endocrinologist to be prescribed anti-androgens because of my dislike of certain aspects of my male body hopefully the AA with help my male based dysphoria, I guess when this is sorted out oestrogen will be next.
I pegging myself as non-binary agender/androgynous/fluid, agender because I don't feel particularly male or female, androgynous because I don't like certain aspect of male (hair, v-shape torso) and want some aspect of female (hips, bottom), and fluid because sometimes I do want breasts and a vagina, and other times I can live with the penis and testicles.
Hug, hopes this helps and good luck in finding some peace to your angst and confusion (I know it can be an ordeal).
Regards, Pip.
