I dress as I please at home. My kids are great and my wife has become more accepting as time goes on. I had to do this to keep sane but coming out to them was really scary. Especially with my wife I felt I was risking everything and there have been rough patches. My kids just shrugged and said "whatever makes you happy dad." I think they actually think it is kind of cool to have a dad who is a bit of an "individual".
With everyone else I know, fear holds me back. The coming out train only offers one way tickets. While I'm sure the few people left who really matter to me but don't know, would probably be quite supportive, I'm worried they would treat me differently. I don't feel different dressed, other than more comfortable in my skin, so I don't want to be treated like a different person. I've been growing my hair for nearly two years now and the pony tail gets more than enough attention as it is. I don't think they are trying to be hurtful but they don't understand why a 50 year old suddenly decides to grow their hair long for the first time in their life. It confuses them. They think it is my mid-life crisis and I'll "grow out of it".
I do IT support for small businesses and individuals. I don't want any of these people, some of whom I've known for years, to treat me differently or stop calling so I'll probably always present male to this group.
Having said that, all my jeans are from the girl section. Most of my shirts are blouses. Most people don't notice any of this, especially guys. Everything buttons up the "wrong" way but most people don't notice and if they have, no one has said anything.
I go out shopping with wife and kids often wearing jeggings or obviously girly trousers(pants to you left-pondians) and an obviously girly t or blouse. I wish I had the courage to wear a skirt sometimes though. I much prefer the look and feel and wear skirts and dresses pretty much exclusively at home.
A few weeks ago my wife was out drinking with friends. Around midnight, she phoned(quite drunk) to say she couldn't get a taxi. I put on one of my lovely female coats over the party frock I was wearing (it was Friday night after all) and drove out to get her in make-up, nails, forms the works. The experience was exhilirating, just the walk to the car and back was such a rush and driving around like that was a wonderful feeling. Wife was cool about it because I'd rescued her and she was tipsy but I keep asking her to come out to a club with me dressed but so far she has flat refused. I think it embarasses her more than anything. There is a whole section of Glasgow city centre full of gay bars and nightclubs where no one would give us a second glance. I don't have the nerve to go on my own and it is pretty sad to go to a pub on your own whether you are trans or not. I'm hopeful that one day she will relent though. We've already come much further than I ever thought we would.
I keep promising myself I'm going to answer the door to our post-girl as me, but so far I've chickened out every time. When I think of showing the real me to others I often feel like a fraud. As a NB I'm not a "real" woman. Don't want to be. I don't know if I could cope with being seen as a guy in a dress on the high street. I really envy all of you who have found the courage to do just that because all my soul searching leads me to believe that that is exactly what I want. Maybe one day. My daughters keep telling me to "live the dream" but I get terrified just thinking about the possible consequenses of doing so. The social conditioning is strong in this one.
