Transition takes us through mani twists an turns. To keep this simple as possible for myself, I designated it into 3 tasks. Mi body, This is not mi job! HRT is in charge of all that. I take mi meds, an I let them take care of na rest there. Mi tasks break down into two catagories, Craft an Health. I'm not interested in discussing Craft in this thread. We all ar different in too mani ways, an mi taste in style an how I flow as a woman is irrelevant to this part. My biggest concern with transition is mental health. It's truly na name of this game if ye will. Mi life pre transition was an extremely volatile mess. As I grow through this process, like everyone, serious Mental Health issues pop up. I cant run!!! I have to face harshly every ugly truth about myself. It is truly a fight of life or death for mi, NO SURRENDER!!! I am terrified to arrive post op an not have myself sorted proper, as I've seen this is a very horrible an potentially deadly mistake.
That being said, na subject is guilt an how it has effected mi transition. Whilst exploring this in a grouppe meeting I had to finally face na GUILT I carry over what mi transition has done to mi daughters. Yaaaa..... Harsh INDEED!!! I totally just know how I ripped mi daughters off of having a "normal" family experience divorced or otherwise than their friends. I totally ripped off mi children of a male father an na common experience most all their friends have. I gave na gifts of confusion an shame. This is a horror I will not have ani chance to correct for years if ever an I have to live with this. I fought for mani years for mi children but in na end I had to walk away for mi own sanity truly. I had to leave an go very far away. Mi reason, MI! As I faced mi transition an learned what it's truly about I see no other way to balance an peace with anything in mi life till I fully sort myself. I have no idea how to deal with these emotions but to put them in na hurt lokker an march forward. I both fear an pray for na day mi daughters come bak to mi an give mi a second chance.
A real chance.
There mae bi no way to correct all na mistakes I (an yes others too) have made in mi life, an I have no idea what to do for to correct anything but m bloody well trying. Na primary solution I see is to face as much as I can find an correct what I can. Na only way to peace an happiness is to sort mi mind and mi body. To complete mi physical transition an contue forward working on mi Mental Health that I mae bicome a better person, a better parent, an a useful servant of mi Gods.
