Genital dysphoria hit me hard between the eyes today

[Amoré]

Well it goes like this. My body is changing. My body hair is falling off and hit is doing what it is supposed to do and been very kind too me mostly. I don't know why but I have the most embarrassing dysphoria now. I feel like I want to rip it off or cut it off. I have a bad history with trying that already as a teenager but wiser now I know that I need it to make the new parts. I just don't know I haven't got the money for grs. Saving looks like it would be impossible for a while and to save that amount of money is impossible.

The problem is when the hurt of having it and living with it is more than holding out and being able to manage it. That is what happened as a teen I wanted to cut it off I did not care I still got scars.

So how do I manage this it makes me feel like a freak.

[Dena]

You need to remember that the surgery will require tissue and what you have will be a valuable part of the surgery. Most of what I had is still there but moved around to make a feminine and functional bottom. What also helped me was the social role and being accepted as a woman. How your bottom looks isn't important most of the time when you are in public.

[JoanneB]

... How your bottom looks isn't important most of the time when you are in public.

Or, as I like to say, the Crocodile Dundee panty check.

Some of the anxiety may be from now that you are going down this road you want to put it all behind you. The dangly bits are a constant reminder of that past.

Rather then spending time in the negative, venture on over to the positive side. The body hair diminishing must be making you feel good. No more hairy beast coming up! AND it is a great sign that your breasts will soon start to respond to the HRT. Plenty (pardon the pun) to look forward to there.

When I look at my naked hairless self in the mirror with those beautiful breasts I wanted all my life, it makes it so easy for me to ignore the rest. I give myself a virtual pat on the back for all the hard work it has taken. All the scary moments I lived facing up to my deepest fears and being better for it.

[Beth Andrea]

If looking at what you have is distressing....the obvious thing to do is to not look down!

You do have to wash it, and tuck, but neither requires you to look at it. If you pee sitting down, you don't even have to hold it.

With that part out of your vision, focus on what is good: hairless body, arms, and legs, breasts (real or padded, they're both good), flirty eyes, delicate mannerisms...

Hope this helps!

[link5019]

Or, as I like to say, the Crocodile Dundee panty check.

Some of the anxiety may be from now that you are going down this road you want to put it all behind you. The dangly bits are a constant reminder of that past.

Rather then spending time in the negative, venture on over to the positive side. The body hair diminishing must be making you feel good. No more hairy beast coming up! AND it is a great sign that your breasts will soon start to respond to the HRT. Plenty (pardon the pun) to look forward to there.

When I look at my naked hairless self in the mirror with those beautiful breasts I wanted all my life, it makes it so easy for me to ignore the rest. I give myself a virtual pat on the back for all the hard work it has taken. All the scary moments I lived facing up to my deepest fears and being better for it.

That's kind of how I feel at the moment, especially with the constant reminder with the dangly bits there! But It makes me happy when I look and see how body hair is thinning. Seeing my breast slowly growing, even though I'm still shy of 2 months, still makes me feel good knowing things are happening.  The best things are those worth waiting for. I have issues being patient, but I know that it's all worth it in the end.

Some advice a friend of mine gave me is look at the silver linings. Look at the positives. There will be a lot of negativity in the beginning, and learning how to be patient and adjust to the changes. I can't say a whole lot because I'm still only in the beginning myself, but it's slowly getting better!! It just takes time You got this Amore!

[Amoré]

I try not too look down at it and stuf the worst part according too my doctor I have infection in my prostate and have too play with it to drain it and I can't. I tuk it and sit and urinate but still with my breasts being a small a cup when in the bath I see these two cute lumps and then that in the background and it kills me.

[FTMDiaries]

TBH what you're feeling is actually very normal, and it's something a lot of us experience: as we start to visibly transition, our dysphoria over our mismatching body parts can actually increase, as can our impatience to have everything match correctly. I'm sorry this is happening to you because it's horrible when you're going through it, but it can improve with time (for me, it took about a year for this stage to ease off). But at this stage, it's all about finding the right coping mechanisms to help you through it.

I don't know whether this will help you, but one of the things I used to do to help with my bathroom dysphoria was to lay facecloths over the bits I didn't want to see when I was in the bath. Then I'd just give it a quick wipe with that facecloth immediately before getting out of the bath, so that I didn't have to spend too much time paying attention to it.

You could also wear underwear or even a pretty pair of loose shorts in the bath so that it's less obvious. Also, bathing at night with the main light out but with a couple of candles (and perhaps a glass of wine) to give you a nice atmosphere in the bathroom can be very helpful. I also removed all mirrors from my bathroom so I wouldn't catch any unwanted reflections. In short: I tried to get rid of accidental exposure to the things I didn't want to see, and I tried to make these occasions more of a treat so it would be more difficult for me to get upset.

As for your other problem: I recommend going back to your doctor and telling them that it's not possible for you to drain it yourself and you'll need an alternative method of doing it. I presume you've been given antibiotics etc. to treat the infection, so if it needs to be drained and you can't do it yourself, you might have to ask for it to be done in hospital. Surely there's another way they can do this...

[SidneyAldaine]

I don`t know if this helps you, but...since you can`t do nothing about it for now, you can always imagine it`s a piece of you that should have stayed inside of you but by a mistake it got out. It`s still yours and it`s still the same, it just has a different placement and proportions. So what I`m trying to say here is that some of our parts are just misplaced vaginas and transformed female organs, just waiting to be placed where they belong once again. So don`t think of the things down there as a male parts, but female parts, waiting to be placed where it belongs.

Anyway, that helps me

[link5019]

I don`t know if this helps you, but...since you can`t do nothing about it for now, you can always imagine it`s a piece of you that should have stayed inside of you but by a mistake it got out. It`s still yours and it`s still the same, it just has a different placement and proportions. So what I`m trying to say here is that some of our parts are just misplaced vaginas and transformed female organs, just waiting to be placed where they belong once again. So don`t think of the things down there as a male parts, but female parts, waiting to be placed where it belongs.

Anyway, that helps me

That's actually a really great way to think about it. I like that because that is definitely a method that can help! ^_^

[Midnightstar]

Well it goes like this. My body is changing. My body hair is falling off and hit is doing what it is supposed to do and been very kind too me mostly. I don't know why but I have the most embarrassing dysphoria now. I feel like I want to rip it off or cut it off. I have a bad history with trying that already as a teenager but wiser now I know that I need it to make the new parts. I just don't know I haven't got the money for grs. Saving looks like it would be impossible for a while and to save that amount of money is impossible.

The problem is when the hurt of having it and living with it is more than holding out and being able to manage it. That is what happened as a teen I wanted to cut it off I did not care I still got scars.

So how do I manage this it makes me feel like a freak.

Hello, i also have some bottom dysphoria its not extreme but there are days it shows its face and i hate every moment of the days when it does come along and try to drag me down. This may or may not help i can't say but maybe you could go for a walk outside or do something small yet something that interests you to keep your mind running and thinking about the positive instead of the negative? and also
Saving seems like it would never work out and take to long but don't give up, you only need a couple bucks a month to put away. I started saving and i don't even have a life outside of my house and before i new it i had almost over 1,000 dollars keep up the hope you'll get there nothing is impossible.

[Amoré]

Thanx guy's I will try all your methods it might help for those days

[Rebecca]

It has been mentioned a couple of times in this thread but to me tucking is a lifesaver.

Even the nicest skinniest jeans were horrifying; seeing that lump looking back at me in the mirror.

Thanks to tucking my reflection doesn't have any lumps she shouldn't so neither do I. That thought in itself provides a lot of comfort.

To unavoidable contact just keep it quick and professional then tuck it away and it's gone again. Rushing leads to mistakes which then extends the unpleasantness.