because I can does it mean I should?

[_starlight_]

my wife sat me down yesterday and talked with me and its a game changer to where we were at previously. She said she has had time to process this and knows I am a good person and she loves me very much and that:

1 - She accepts I am transgender.
2 - She said that no matter what I decide to do she will be stay with me as my love and partner and support me and is OK if I decide to transition completely.

for 2 she doesn't like it but will accept it and it is my choice. This is huge! I love her so much

And now the run way is cleared for me to transition with her in my life which is all I have ever wanted.

Now..I could pick up the phone and start HRT. I could order the clothes I think are so cute. I could start shaving my body, order my makeup, get fitted for wigs, start electrolysis and laser. with in our budget of course.

Yet now I have to decide and here is the challenge. I want to so badly... I really do. I want to pull the trigger and do it. But there are still those nagging voices.  "Life is easy for you right now", "you have a son what will he do?", "your family won't understand", "your job may be at jeopardy", "Why not just stay as you are?", "You won't pass!", "your wife loves you, but does she deserve this change in her life dreams?"

So I'm struggling with this final decision. I'm fortunate to have a partner like the one I have, but now I'm worried I could make the wrong decision here.

So the punch line question, how do I come to peace with these remaining concerns? Any guidance? books I should read?  I need some help here. I want to do it but I want to be 100% not 65% sure.

[Ms Grace]

Transition is many hundreds, if not thousands, of steps. Best to take it one step at a time - that way it won't seem so daunting and will also offer you the time and space to decide what you want/need to do regarding those trickier life issues.

[_starlight_]

That is the hard part, part of me wants to go crazy and do it all as fast as I can... and that scare the hell out of me. I agree I should go slow, yet I don't want to go to slow.   

I'm gonna make hair removal appointments today. Thats a start.  And maybe a doctors appointment (they take months to get an appointment). And maybe order my first wig.

wondering if there are books or guides to help with these un-certainties I'm feeling

[Denise]

Ms Grace is absolutely right.

GO SLOWLY.

I STRONGLY suggest talking to a therapist, one that specializes in Gender Identity, would be highly advisable.  You are about to embark on a long and in some cases expensive journey.  Spend the extra up front to save you a lot in the future.  You wouldn't build a house without an architect.

It's taken me 7 months from coming out to being comfortable with transitioning and my wife is NOT keen on the idea.

[suzifrommd]

So the punch line question, how do I come to peace with these remaining concerns? Any guidance? books I should read?  I need some help here. I want to do it but I want to be 100% not 65% sure.

What made me sure was going out and presenting socially as a female in as many social situations I could. I went to restaurants, shopped, and joined a divorced/separated support group and an all-female trans-friendly women's reading group.

When I began to find it more and more difficult to return to my male life afterward, I knew transition was right for me.

[kittenpower]

I think it is worth considering that all of your fears could become a harsh reality; you could become unemployed, you may not be able to pass as a woman, and are you willing to continue through the challenges of transition that we all must endure (regardless of how attractive someone is, transition is still a struggle for the vast majority of us), and your wife is supportive now, but do you think she will feel the same in the future, especially if you are unemployed and unpassable. If you know the risks and are completely accepting of a worse case scenario (which is a stark reality for a lot of us), then transition could be right for you. Some things that will help you stack the odds of a successful transition in your favor is to: have a viable plan with a reality based timeline, be financially secure, and see a therapist to listen to your concerns and to help you stay grounded; a therapist is also needed for HRT, and surgery recommendation letters.

[Peep]

It is a series of steps but there's no reason that the first step can't be something fun like a wig P:

[JoanneB]

my wife sat me down yesterday and talked with me and its a game changer to where we were at previously. She said she has had time to process this and knows I am a good person and she loves me very much and that:

1 - She accepts I am transgender.
2 - She said that no matter what I decide to do she will be stay with me as my love and partner and support me and is OK if I decide to transition completely.

for 2 she doesn't like it but will accept it and it is my choice. This is huge! I love her so much

And now the run way is cleared for me to transition with her in my life which is all I have ever wanted.

Now..I could pick up the phone and start HRT. I could order the clothes I think are so cute. I could start shaving my body, order my makeup, get fitted for wigs, start electrolysis and laser. with in our budget of course.

Yet now I have to decide and here is the challenge. I want to so badly... I really do. I want to pull the trigger and do it. But there are still those nagging voices.  "Life is easy for you right now", "you have a son what will he do?", "your family won't understand", "your job may be at jeopardy", "Why not just stay as you are?", "You won't pass!", "your wife loves you, but does she deserve this change in her life dreams?"

So I'm struggling with this final decision. I'm fortunate to have a partner like the one I have, but now I'm worried I could make the wrong decision here.

So the punch line question, how do I come to peace with these remaining concerns? Any guidance? books I should read?  I need some help here. I want to do it but I want to be 100% not 65% sure.

Great, your SO is on board, she does not want to find you swinging on the end of a rope. Same for my wife.

But.....

Work... Just what is your 'Half Life'. And don't give this used to be in upper management person the "But I am protected..." There is Always legit business reasons to get rid of someone. Cost/Benefit  Plain and simple

Family... How important is that?

Friends... Same again

Just how much is 'Gender' tied into the totality of who you see yourself as?

Back 7 years ago my life was into the toilet... once again. This time about, no absolutely, everything I identified myself as was taken away. How that all came about was because of how I was not handling being TG

I made a lot of changes. I found a way for both my "male" and female aspects can live peacefully withing me (most of the time... You know, typical family squabbles) I still live and present as male. I still have the respect of others for my unique abilities. My wife is... not thrilled but mostly OK with my breasts being larger then her pre-BA ones. I am happy. I am far better person. With all the personal growth I needed to undertake in order to survive I have become the sort of person she she I could be.

In a perfect world I would fully transition. I would like to. I do not need to. If the point came I needed to in order to survive, I know I can make it. I lost about all the Shame. The only guilt is the pain I cause my wife.

[Ms Grace]

That is the hard part, part of me wants to go crazy and do it all as fast as I can... and that scare the hell out of me. I agree I should go slow, yet I don't want to go to slow.   

I understand, but the very nature of the process generally forces a break on that anyway...beard removal can take many, many months even flat out, hormones will take 12-18 months to be really noticeable, etc. But as noticed above, no reason the first step can't be something fun!

[AshleyMichelle]

For me and for many others, every step forward was heavily weighted. After every step forward, you may second guess it a half dozen times. I havent heard from one trans that said transition was great and I'd do it again. Transition is a difficult process; especially with kids and spouses. For many of us their is no choice but to go forward. Many who go through any transition to their chosen end point, live tremendously happier lives.

From my point of view a therapist needs to be your second step. Your first step is experiment and play and have fun with what you think you need to be happy. If shaving, nailpolish, wigs, etc, feels good then you have that experience to reflect on while talking to a therapist.

You've come this far as to tell your SO. It's already in your mind. For me it was on my mind since I was a kid and every time I tried turning it off I fell into a depression. Throughout history science and phycology have proven it's not healthy to repress this.

So play and have fun with it and schedule the appointment for a gender identity therapist.

Hugs, Ashley