(PLEASE REPLY) What are my options?

[redhot1]

I'm in need of some new luck. I'm acting like a bum stuck with my parents, no real work experience. I spent my entire life so far in mostly isolation from everybody else. I never had anyone I actually hung out with on a regular basis. I have to have something called "Community integration" (CI) which takes me out into the community (mandated by the state, so I have very limited say in whether I want to skip a day or quit working with CI altogether), my parents doubt me when I tell them that I think I don't want to work with my CI staff and I can't figure out how to reason with them with anything.

Off-topic a bit: They are also doubting when I say I want to break up with my girlfriend, I wish I can be certain, but I am able to even process if I want to end it all with her, but my parents made it worse. 

I can never achieve any reasoning with my parents for things I want in life. I guess I will never be independent living, be able to explore my transition and gender or anything else.

I feel like a broken bum who can't reason with his most trustworthy authority, his parents. My mild Asperger's autism sucks, I feel even more defected than it seems other aspies are. At least they learned to get out more. Because I lived in isolation forever, I was never trained to observe or people watch.

I want to get my life on the road and over with RIGHT NOW...I don't want my parents to doubt me, and I don't want it "soon" I want it right now.

How do I deal with them, I might have rendered myself impossible to reason with their doubts. I think it's partly my fault.

The reason they feel I "need" community integration staff is that I need to get a job and learn independence, but before I had CI staff visit me daily, I never cooked by myself or anything independent. I don't even have a learning permit.

How can I prove to my parents now in the short-term that I don't want or need CI staff?

[Dena]

I suspect the only way you will get out of community integration is to prove you can not only handle everything that CI throws at you but you exceed it. An example in my life would be at work, I not only do my job but I find things I can do on my job beyond my normal responsibilities that make me a more valued employe. In your case it might be doing thing around the house without being told to do them. You might wish additional education and seek that without guidance from your CI staff. If you want to cook by yourself, start planing menus days before you need them and show you not only know what you need to buy but you have the recipe to prepare it.  By providing you don't need help is the only way to get rid of it. I suspect you have a history and that is why you are living with CI and you will now have to overcome that history. There isn't a fast fix for this and it isn't going to be easy but if you put out effort you can do it.

[redhot1]

What are some specific ways I can apply this to my situation?

[Obfuskatie]

Maybe join a group that shares an interest of yours in the area? Sports, games, books, etc.. Make connections outside of CI, girlfriend and parents and it'll give you more to do, look forward to, and make you feel less imprisoned while you're working to gain more influence on your own life. I'd highly recommend volunteer work or a part time job that works for you. If your parents see the spark of ambition in you, they may help foster it.
Transition is super hard, you're going to need a support network for it. I'd suggest getting more independent first, then revisiting and getting counseling to help you communicate you feelings to the people who matter to you.

     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Dena]

It's hard to tell you what to do without knowing more about you but it comes down to two simple things.
1. How many things to people do that are your job because it's to much work to get you to do them?
2. How often do people have to remind you to do something that you do all the time?
Take action to make the answer to both question zero and you will show that CI is no longer required.

You were put on CI because something about you indicate you were incapable of caring for your self. To get off CI you have to prove otherwise.

[CarlyMcx]

What Dena and Katie said.  I would only add that transitioning is not only very hard, it is also very expensive. 

When I started buying female clothes and makeup, I was shocked at how fast the cost of everything added up.

Right now as I sit here, I am wearing:  Hollister skinny jeans, $25 discounted, Cable & Gauge blouse, $20 discounted, Victoria's Secret bra, $50, panties, $5, OPI nail polish, applied it myself, $6, Revlon concealer to hide beard shadow, $10, Revlon lipstick, $10, Louis Ferre synthetic wig, $275, women's reading glasses, $20, Agape sandals, $25, Steve Madden handbag, $40.  Total, $486.00, and this is not even one tenth of my femme wardrobe.

Being a girl is expensive.  In order to transition, you need a job.

[redhot1]

Hopefully I can find a web design/development job soon. How much should I get paid an hour?

Also, the transition must be something I should explore with a therapist first. I never know right now if I'm "really" Transgender (though seeing me on here means I'm questioning) so I hope to have all the questions worked out soon.

[Dena]

Don't be to picky about what they pay you on your first job. Most companies are pretty good about pay raises once they know somebody is worth the money. It far better to pay somebody more to keep them than hire a replacement. Larger companies have the pay ranges all worked out and you don't have much ability to demand more pay at first.