Hi Everyone,
I just returned home from Kiev. The positives; breathtaking religious sites, welcoming people, beautiful women, delicious food, no articles on Donald Trump, I was able to use my Russian, and the relatively strong American dollar ($10 for 4th row tickets at the National Opera of Ukraine!). The negatives; areas of congested and abject poverty (derived from remnants of the USSR, and Russian meddling), a conservative psyche 30 years behind the West, and to come the theme of my post, I experienced the same problem which I wrote about in my first post on Susan's.
Even though I've always known that I'm transgender, I only recently started explored my gender. Of course, indulging this part of myself has greatly enriched my life, but it has made sexual relationships impossible. I was once able to receive pleasure from doing what was expected of me, but now with my gender somewhat developed, I can't bring myself to pretend anymore.
This is problematic for two reasons. One, while I could be happy just being friends with most women I meet, in a nebulous way I still want to have sex with many of them, and many of them would also like the relationship to advance in that direction. Two, I'm more acutely afraid of the future. Like most millennials, I would like to marry when I reach my 30s, but since I might never transition, I'm afraid that I might never start a family and even if I did, it would be untenable.
I know something will eventually need to be altered, either my path or my expectations, and I will alter one when it is worth it, but until that time I wish I could have short term sexual relationships again. Long term sexual relationships were never possible for me, because I never wanted to make it seem like I'm confident that I will continue as I am, but now when I meet someone new and special, my goodbyes come even more quickly, and lately, are painfully frequent.
I would like to delay the next goodbye for a little longer, so I would like to ask you, before transitioning, what was your technique for having sexual relationships? How did you reframe the situation in a way that excited you?
