Packing has helped me enormously, but I've noticed that the benefit has become less and less over time--particularly since my hysto. With nothing left but bottom surgery, I guess my focus has tuned fully on my genitals.
We are all over the map. I used to think that I didn't want bottom surgery because I was not happy with the options. But after top surgery, I started thinking about my bottom half more and more. I guess I tend to obsess mostly over the next step in my transition; any step beyond that doesn't get much of my attention. And, as I said once hysto was out of the way . . .
Several years ago, I was more strongly leaning toward meta. That phase didn't last long. I was confusing what was easier with what I really wanted. For the last few years, I have resigned myself to phallo. It's just what I need.
I suggest that you think of your needs as a process. RIGHT NOW, you don't want bottom surgery. Sometime in the future, your needs/wants may change. Until then--if, indeed, the shift ever even happens--go with whatever staves off or mitigates your dysphoria. If packing helps, then do it. If a larger packer or a different harness or an STP device improves your state of mind, get it. If fantasizing helps, do that. If you wind up moving toward a prosthetic that you glue to your nether region, do that. We all have to experiment with what works; there are no easy answers. Try not to worry about what will happen if the current strategy does not work.
