Mixed emotions

[Midnightstar]

June is getting closer and i'm starting to get nervous even though my endro appointment  is still a little longer of a wait and everything. I just can't believe that this time going to end up asking for testosterone and I actually have the guts! I can sit here and say I'm still scared I'm going to back away! but at least the doubts have settled down And I've kinda come to terms with occasionally doubting. I feel like smiling and yelling "I'm gonna be the man iv'e always wanted to be" And on the other hand i feel like curling into a ball and saying "I hope i don't back out" okay there's definitely some doubts left. But it's not as horrible of a feeling and i don't feel like they can stop me as often.
I'm also excited it's a mixture of emotions, I sitting here writing this and i got these little giggles coming up.
I still got a good amount of time left but it feels strange! I'm getting so many mixed messages and mixed emotions right now it's not even funny. I could be having a nervous breakdown and laughing at the same time but it isn't that.
does this happen to a lot of people before t and things? i feel like a idiot for having this many reactions in a couple seconds of thinking about everything coming in june. I really hope my endro will let me take T! I hope all the blood tests are over (Which they should be) but i don't know i just hope i can get it done soon i hope i don't got to wait another couple months.

[Contravene]

I was very calm and assured about everything, checking into my insurance coverage, setting up my appointments, going to get my blood test done, requesting T. It wasn't until the day of going to get my first T shot that everything kind of hit me. I actually was so nervous that I ended up missing my appointment and had to reschedule it. Missing that first appointment for my shot helped me realize how much I wanted and needed to start HRT. The disappointment, impatience and feeling of necessity I had when I was delayed in starting T erased any doubts I'd had as to whether or not I really wanted to go through with it. I absolutely knew then that I did want to start T and that I was ready. I guess it's kind of like the trick where you flip a coin into the air to make a decision. You won't even need to see which side turns up to make your decision because while the coin's in the air you'll already know what you're hoping for it to land on.

[FTMax]

I was very nervous before T. When I first realized I was trans and started to research what all went in to transitioning and what the possibilities were, I wasn't sure that I wanted T. Top surgery was the only thing I was set on before I started transitioning. It wasn't until years later that I realized the more I thought about it and the closer I got to transitioning, that T would solve a lot of the things that caused me social anxiety.

But that didn't make me any less nervous about it! I'd received a lot of poor health care prior to coming out, and I'd read a lot of horror stories from other trans people who had issues with their care, and I was just sure something was going to go wrong. But I've been really pleasantly surprised. I'm nearing the end of my medical transition this year and I have nothing but positive things to say about my primary care doctor and all the surgeons I've worked with along the way. I've been anxious before every visit I've ever had and I often second guessed myself as each one drew near, but I always leave feeling 100% better and completely confident with the decision.

My advice, you just gotta go with it. You never get anywhere sitting still. So just roll with it and see where it takes you. It sounds like T is the right path for you. You might find journaling or blogging about your feelings helpful. I wasn't really into therapy, but writing things out helped me process my thoughts.

[Midnightstar]

I was very nervous before T. When I first realized I was trans and started to research what all went in to transitioning and what the possibilities were, I wasn't sure that I wanted T. Top surgery was the only thing I was set on before I started transitioning. It wasn't until years later that I realized the more I thought about it and the closer I got to transitioning, that T would solve a lot of the things that caused me social anxiety.

But that didn't make me any less nervous about it! I'd received a lot of poor health care prior to coming out, and I'd read a lot of horror stories from other trans people who had issues with their care, and I was just sure something was going to go wrong. But I've been really pleasantly surprised. I'm nearing the end of my medical transition this year and I have nothing but positive things to say about my primary care doctor and all the surgeons I've worked with along the way. I've been anxious before every visit I've ever had and I often second guessed myself as each one drew near, but I always leave feeling 100% better and completely confident with the decision.

My advice, you just gotta go with it. You never get anywhere sitting still. So just roll with it and see where it takes you. It sounds like T is the right path for you. You might find journaling or blogging about your feelings helpful. I wasn't really into therapy, but writing things out helped me process my thoughts.

i'm falling asleep at the moment so i'll probably edit this later and get back to you in a longer response
but it's good to note i do blog a lot and write poems a lot i just do it on another site 

[Jay_]

God, no. I'm the sort of person who gets anxious about everything, and I imagine that's a common experience among transgender people in general. I was nervous right up until the moment the nurse finished giving me my first shot. As soon as it happened, though, I realized there was no point doubting things, since I'd already made my choice, and when that happened, I felt a lot better. Instead of worrying, I got excited about the changes I would start seeing.

[Jacqueline]

God, no. I'm the sort of person who gets anxious about everything, and I imagine that's a common experience among transgender people in general. I was nervous right up until the moment the nurse finished giving me my first shot. As soon as it happened, though, I realized there was no point doubting things, since I'd already made my choice, and when that happened, I felt a lot better. Instead of worrying, I got excited about the changes I would start seeing.

Jay,

Welcome to the site. I wanted to share some links that we like to pass along to newly posting members. Good information as well as the rules that govern the site. If you have not read them, please take a moment to do so now:

Things that you should read

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With warmth,

Joanna