Workplace Transition

[Claire_Sydney]

Yesterday I had my first meeting with the workplace consultant that will be assisting with my transition at work. It was her, myself, and the HR business partner for my team.

She was lovely and seems to understand trans issues very well. She will also deliver the workplace training sessions to my team. I think she will be a great advocate.

However, doing things like fixing a date, and discussing the mechanics of the transition bought home just how real this is. Especially putting a date on it.

I got scared very quickly. I'm terrified at the prospect of putting my deepest, darkest, most shameful secrets down in an email and sending it to 1,000 people. I'm scared of my work colleagues seeing me in my wig. I have ten years history with these people. They have no reason to suspect I am transitioning. I know most people on the campus.

I managed to maintain my composure for the whole meeting. When it was over, I ran to the nearest empty office and burst into tears.

I finally managed to re-gain control of myself. So I went to my desk, packed up my stuff and went home. Then I rang my friend and burst into tears again.

This morning I started reading stories of other people's workplace transitions to try and glean what things makes it succeed and what makes it fail. Of the dozen or so I read, about 9 involved an incredibly supportive employer and work colleagues initially, but deteriorated into being fired within 12 months.

Is that how this goes? You start off terrified and vulnerable? The after you transition at work you are awkward and vulnerable? Then you are unemployed?

Sometimes I wonder if it is better to just tear off the bandaid and show up as yourself at work, so you can let go of the worry and anxiety?

[RobynD]

My coming out was piecemeal and i sort of let the grapevine do much of the work. I realize many do not have that luxury if you can call it that. I didn't want it to be an event or monumental in any way, just me asking nicely to my closest friends and colleagues to call me by the right name and pronoun etc., my dress was already changing but had always been on the androgynous and/or femme side.

Anyone that tried to make it a big deal with me ...i sort of responded like "well thanks, but its not that big of a deal or that interesting, I'm the same person " etc. This was probably a defense mechanism for me.

Having said all of that, even the way that i did it, there was some of that same feeling you describe. Like well the course is set, there is no going back now and i remember feeling sad, euphoric, and afraid, sometimes all within the same day.

[AnonyMs]

This morning I started reading stories of other people's workplace transitions to try and glean what things makes it succeed and what makes it fail. Of the dozen or so I read, about 9 involved an incredibly supportive employer and work colleagues initially, but deteriorated into being fired within 12 months.

Is this in Australia? I thought it was much better than this. I've also had the impression that it depends a bit on what type of job you have. I'd like to know more about this as I've been wondering about my future more and more lately.

The entire thing sounds like one of my big fears, even though its kind of impossible now. I've gone to a lot of effort to change my life based on my fears and aversion to risk, and I'm half expecting that at the end of the day none of it mattered. Certainly all fears I had about seeing doctors and therapists, and progressing to my current state of medical transition were all ill founded. I'm happier now than I have been in many years.

[Cindy]

Hi Hon,

I'm in Australia, was very well known at work and transitioned from a Friday to Monday. I told my staff that was all. I never told HR prior to transitioning. My gender identification is my business not anyone else's.

I have academic appointments at Flinders University and work for SA Pathology the largest pathology service in SA. I didn't have any issues at all.

Feel free to pm me with any details you want to know, I'm more than happy to help you out.

[Ms Grace]

I didn't even wait to get to an empty office when I came out to my boss and a close colleague... I just burst into tears right in front of them! That was at a fairly emotional time, I didn't have any concrete plans on transitioning but I knew the lever for it had been thrown. 12 months later...

Anyway, you're going to be pretty much OK if you're working in Sydney, Australia (which I'm only presuming by your user name!!)...

I think it varies depending on the overall culture of the organisation and the nature of the people working there. Sounds like you're in a large workplace so it's likely you'll encounter "resistance" from some quarters - by that I mean, blokey bros and uptight TERFs and probably a few hardcore religious types.

NSW workplace laws protect you from discrimination and harassment on gender identity grounds and your employer sounds like they are across that. Thing is though, although people have to treat you with a degree of respect that doesn't mean they have to like you. You might encounter passive aggressive resistance (eg deliberate misgendering and dead naming) and could shoulders (ignoring you or moving tables) from some and plain idiotic behaviour from others (asking supposedly "harmless" questions or making outright stupid statements). Keep a journal of all that of behaviour, record who, where, when, what - keep it impersonal and emotion free. If you have ally's have them verify it. And report it. Don't presume idiots and bullies will change their way, if they think they can get away with it and nothing happens then they will only get worse. It's up to you're employer to provide a safe workplace for you and to put the others making life difficult for you in their place.

All that said, I didn't have any of those issues in my work place. But it was much smaller (only 15 employees), very progressive and community based and largely women, so there wasn't a macho or blokey culture anyway. That made it a lot easier. I actually told everyone in a staff meeting. Our organisation did have a big community footprint though and we had connections with many others outside the office, those people were told by email by my CEO based on something I had written. I was amazed at the flood of support I received from so many people.

I am also a wig wearer, and honestly I got nothing but genuine compliments. Just pick something that looks natural and suits your complexion and style and people will either not realise or quickly forget.

I think the bottom line is that if people respect you and like you already that won't change. Just be confident in who you are and your presentation. If they see that transition has helped you finally be true to yourself and made you happier they with get right behind you.

What's your timeline?

[lily paige]

I came out to HR about 4 months ago. They have been very supportive. I ask how and when i want things done and who will be involed. I got them to tell senior management.

Now i have to tell direct management im not sure how to do this as i dont trust all of my supervisors. Im worried they will unwittingly tell my colleagues.

I know not all my colleagues are onboard with lgbti an some are against it which worries me. I told this to HR and they are setting up a lgbti education program for work.

I have 3 weeks off work so ill mert with HR and senior management and set a date i feel i should be present this time.

I live in  victora and there are laws about discrimination plus i know there is one other trans women working for them in rual victoria thats been with them for 10 year she was out when she join so im not worried on that side.

From my experience my work wants this to work and is willing to do what ever it takes to be inclusive.

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

[Dana60]

I've been talking to our HR department for a few months, and so far everything is going ok. We have had The Gender Center come in for a chat and they will provide staff training. I have settled on a date in August to go full time, as you say it was very scary to put a date on it although it does make me feel better to have done it.

The company themselves will definitely not be a problem, they have some very strong diversity policies. However It is quite a male dominated workplace, so I am expecting some of that blokey attitude, but it shouldn't be too bad.

[amoeba]

Hi Claire, others have gotten the practical advice down far better than I could. All I want to jump in and say is that a certain amount of worry and concern is probably healthy in context. I feel like it's part of how much preparation and work you've put into it, all of which I'm sure is going to help make the process smoother. You've done all you can with the factors under your control. Things that you cannot affect or control are simply not worth worrying about, precisely because of that reason. All anyone can really do is their best. And that's enough.

You're an ultimate badass and I have no doubt you're going to crush this, just like you crush aberrant clauses in contracts every day!

i believe in u <3

Good luck, and hugs.

[Claire_Sydney]

Is this in Australia? I thought it was much better than this. I've also had the impression that it depends a bit on what type of job you have. I'd like to know more about this as I've been wondering about my future more and more lately.

Some are, some aren't.  One story was an someone working in IT in Chicago in 2006.  They had a stable career of 15 years in software design but found themselves out of work for the last 4 years.

I was at a trans group meeting in Sydney tonight.  I spent some time chatting with another aussie transwoman who lost her job after transitioning and is struggling to get another appointment.  She has moved to Sydney hoping the job market will be better.

The one that was most alarming is a case study in one of the publications by the organisation that is consulting to us.  It's not entirely negative, but the author expresses some regret about how transition has impacted adversely on the individual's career.  It was two years ago.

Still, there seem to be lots of good stories out there too.

[Claire_Sydney]

I've been talking to our HR department for a few months, and so far everything is going ok. We have had The Gender Center come in for a chat and they will provide staff training. I have settled on a date in August to go full time, as you say it was very scary to put a date on it although it does make me feel better to have done it.

Hi Dana,

Is it ok if I send you a PM?  I'd love to have a chat (either on the phone or in person) and possibly exchange experiences..

[Claire_Sydney]

What's your timeline?

To be honest Grace, I have no idea.  None.

I know I'm not ready yet.

But I also know I won't be able to go on concealing my appearance forever.  If things keep growing as they are, it will be struggle come mid-Spring to hide the growth. 

There is another part of me that would just like to get it over with sooner to remove the anxiety.

The whole thing is so scary, I don't even know how to figure out a timeline....

I'm going to the therapist tomorrow... maybe she can help me figure out a bit of a plan?

How did you know when you were ready?

[Claire_Sydney]

You're an ultimate badass and I have no doubt you're going to crush this, just like you crush aberrant clauses in contracts every day!

Aww, thanks Amoeba!  I miss you! Hope you are doing ok.

Thanks so much for your beautiful note.  It made me smile, and calmed me down.  Of course, you are right.  No point worrying about the things I can't change.

Thanks for making me smile again.

[Dana60]

Hi Dana,

Is it ok if I send you a PM?  I'd love to have a chat (either on the phone or in person) and possibly exchange experiences..

Hi Claire, absolutely you can PM me, i'd love to catch up.

[Ella_bella]

@Claire_Sydney

Im about to start the process myself at the moment, and also live in Sydney. My employer is slightly complicated... firstly Im on fixed term contract (that has just been extended by 6 months - this is the way my role works), my company's HQ is in Canada, with a regional APAC office here in Sydney. I also travel throughout APAC, am customer facing and some of those customers have cultural differences, and in some regions there are laws that can be used against transgender people. My industry is very masculine dominated, and I know that there will be some people that I know as my previous self that will struggle with the change.

I have told the highest ranking individual in our APAC office, and several very high ranking individuals in the HQ office. Ive been very lucky so far in that my superiors have been very understanding and supportive. However I attribute this to how I approached them. I didn't just dump the situation in their lap and expect them to deal with it, I offered some options regarding the workplace transition. Whilst it is my business and damned if others have a problem with it... I think it goes a long way to work WITH your employer to manage the change in the workplace... after all it is for YOUR benefit right? Presently I'm living full time everywhere outside of work - I haven't bumped into anyone from work in those times, but Im almost at that ambivalent stage where I wouldn't really care if they all found out at this point... but thats due to the work I've done regarding my coming out.

As some others have said previously, the Gender Centre here in NSW has a service that can assist with the workplace transition. Im in early discussions with them currently to organise a work change management workshop.

I'll be more than happy to chat and discuss to help in any way I can. Feel free to PM me!

[Ella_bella]

@Claire_Sydney

I received your PM but it appears that I don't have enough posts yet to reply. I'll see what I can do to get enough posts up today without being annoying.

[Claire_Sydney]

Thanks Ella! :-)

Easy fix - I will PM you my email address..

[Ms Grace]

To be honest Grace, I have no idea.  None.

I know I'm not ready yet.

But I also know I won't be able to go on concealing my appearance forever.  If things keep growing as they are, it will be struggle come mid-Spring to hide the growth. 

There is another part of me that would just like to get it over with sooner to remove the anxiety.

The whole thing is so scary, I don't even know how to figure out a timeline....

I'm going to the therapist tomorrow... maybe she can help me figure out a bit of a plan?

How did you know when you were ready?

I thought you might have had a timeline since you were talking to HR, but that's OK, a plan isn't mandatory!

How did I decide? It just decided for me. When I started taking HRT I figured a year should do the trick. However, once I started going out in girl mode and really enjoying myself I became frustrated at the disconnect between presenting as two versions of myself. Even after I had started a 100 day countdown to full time I just suddenly realised I was already ready and went for it. ANd I'm so glad I did. Sure, it was scary as hell but so worth it too.

[rosinstraya]

Hi Claire,

I'm in state government in Sydney and I transitioned at work in March 2015. I'd been on HRT for about a month at that time!? I told HR at Christmas 2014 what the plan was - I had told a number of others in the workplace in stages prior to that. I had the involvement of Liz Ceissman from the Gender Centre at an early stage, and I had the support of senior management.

Emails were prepared to go out from the big boss and the head of the area where I worked. The GC has some templates for these. You do not have to "spill your guts" in an all staff memo. What happened was I took a few days off, during which time the emails went out saying what was happening and giving me the organisation's full support in my transition. Then there was morning training for my section by the GC and a morning tea at which I was "introduced" - it was scary, but I got through it. Then the next day I came back to work as me.

Face to face and day by day I have had no problems at all. I did find that there were changes in some of my work relationships - some better, some worse.

I am not about to be sacked! As Grace said, there are protections in law - www.adb.nsw.gov.au has more info.

Take the time you need for this. I would strongly recommend getting the GC on board.

[Claire_Sydney]

So we had another meeting with the workplace consultant last week.

I asked to set a date for either the first or second week of September to present at work using my new name.  My boss said that was fine, but I might want to consider the fact that most of our exec's are overseas at a trade show during that week.  I decided, rather than delay three weeks until they return, to bring it forward another week.

So we agreed on the following timetable :

- I will go on leave on 12th August
- Diversity training will be conducted throughout the week of 15-19 August
- I will return to work on 25th August

Two other positives :

- My employer agreed to send a relatively long list of my colleagues to the diversity training sessions.  The cost of taking 80-100 lawyers, commercial managers, scientists, engineers, and consultants out of their jobs for a half-day each must be quite an expense commitment; plus the cost of paying the consultancy fees for a full week of training.

- We discussed who the wider notification email should originate from.  They initially wanted it to come from the HR Director.  I explained that this approach felt too much like a compliance outlook on the matter, and I would prefer something from the Office Of The CEO that expresses organisational support.  I understand the company has over 3,500 employees and this is not really an executive-affairs type matter, but given my 10 year history, this seemed reasonable.  They agreed!

-  Ongoing court proceedings have been a barrier to formalising my name change for quite a while.  Our Director of Legal notified me last week that she is optimistic that the current litigation shouldn't prevent me applying to the registry to change my name after early July.

- I started trying to prepare distribution lists. I exported all my Outlook files into Excel spreadsheets of everyone I have ever corresponded with by email.  Then I sorted them into internal and external contacts, removed duplicates and erased any names that I no longer work with, leaving a total of about 600 (internal) and 700 (external) people to notify.

Am I scared?  Terrified.

[Dana60]

Wow, great that you have a date now, very exciting but also very scary.