Why can't you just freely choose to live as a woman.

[stephaniec]

Is it so insane to freely chose the life of being female rather than the mumbo jumbo of some medically defined classification of some form of dysphoria. Can't I just decide that living as a woman is more appropriate  without some medical classification of being wrong. What if I have no problem whatsoever of living my life as my  birth gender , but one day I say to myself that I much prefer expressing my identity as the gender opposite of what I was born as. I love being woman. I love dressing and presenting as the gender opposite of my birth . I feel I don't need any rational diagnosis of mental and physical conflict. I just freely choose to be who I am without causes such as disorientation of genes or hormones or whatever medically defined terms for your desire to be the opposite from birth gender. For myself I've chosen since the age of 4 to pursue being and growing and learning to live as a woman. I'm trying to understand  why simple choice is not seen as a valid rationale.

[Maybebaby56]

Hi Stephanie,

If you wanted to live by yourself on a desert island, your decision would be all that is needed.  However if "living as a woman" includes having others accept you as a female, then it gets more complicated.  Just like funerals are not for the deceased, transition is not just for you.  Everyone else has to transition with you. To make that happen, people need labels and explanations and to be able to make sense of it all.

On top of that, most of us ask for some sort of medical intervention to treat our dysphoria. All the rigamarole of transition, the diagnosis of gender dysphoria, the therapists, the endocrinologists, and whoever else gets invited to the party, are part of that process that "allows" us to be who we are. Intrusive as it is, I'm glad the process exists, as it gives many of us a path to self-fulfillment.

That's how I look at it anyway.

With kindness,

Terri

[suzifrommd]

Stephanie, I totally agree.

It bothers me that our gender has been medicalized, that we need the OK of a medical professional before we transition. It should be a civil rights issue. Freedom to be ourselves.

That's changing. Ireland's new law, for example, doesn't require any medical documentation.

[Ms Grace]

Sorry Stephanie, I think your question is a bit flawed. Technically nothing is stopping anyone from choosing to live as a woman if they want to. Change your wardrobe and your name, remove your beard (if you want) and away you go!

It's the "optional" medical extras - like HRT, FFS, BA, GRS that are the gate-kept components. Now, of course, for many of us, they aren't optional, for any number of us they're pretty much essential. We need them to assist us in what is our particular personal process of living as a woman, to help us feel complete and comfortable with ourselves - and it is there that the hoop jumping and roadblocks come into the picture.

I guess the cis centric medical service industry sees those "optional extras" as extreme, that anyone who would want them must be a bit bonkers if not totally unhinged. They are thinking of it specifically from their perspective - "I wouldn't do that, why would anyone want that/want to do that to themselves?". They're cis, they can't understand why we want/need those things. They say, "OK, if you really want those extras you have to at least "prove" to us how much, you have to tick some arbitrary boxes, blah blah blah".

I'm freely choosing to live as a woman, fortunately I live in a city where I could do that with little strife. Yes, I have utilised HRT as part of that process but it's only now that I realise I could have just gone ahead regardless... I wouldn't have been anywhere near as happy that's for sure, but I still could have lived as a woman.

[Rebecca]

As Grace points out ultimately you can live your life in any way you please.
Acceptance by others and even ourselves however is another matter entirely.

We can choose to do as we wish.
Others can choose to not like us (they don't need a reason).
The only thing we can ever truly control is our own intentions.

I personally held off on the medical side due to extreme privacy/trust issues but in the end I decided I need what they offer.

To get what I need hormones, speech therapy and surgery I will jump through any hoops they want me to with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart.

[suzifrommd]

It's the "optional" medical extras - like HRT, FFS, BA, GRS that are the gate-kept components.

Not in this country. In my state, for example, you need a doctor's note to get a gender change on your driver's licence. The medicalization of our gender is encoded in law just about everywhere in the country.

[Ms Grace]

Interesting and sad.

Yep, I'm lucky that Australia doesn't even have gender listed on driver's licences, and where change of name only requires a trip to the local Birth, Deaths & Marriages registry, no doctor's letter, and some money (not much but can't remember how much)...not a session in front of a judge. I'm very sorry you have those extra hoops.

[paula lesley]

Very interesting...

This process does indeed rely on external feedback. The observer plays a greater role than we do. I did " dress up " at the very beginning of my transition ; pre everything and never having tried before. Even in private I went to a large shop and watched peoples faces as I tried to walk in heels for the first time. Being England no ones cared. Just a man in drag. As you say in your country " What ever "

But, to be seen as " Female " you have to look the part. I do find this SOOOOOO ! annoying.

It is all part of human interaction. It's all gone ones and zzzzzz............


Paula, X.

[Ms Grace]

See, for me, living as my identified gender now for over two years, if someone tried to tell me I wasn't a woman I'd say we're the one needing some psych evaluation. I recognise though that there are plenty of jerks who'd be happy to tell me I'm "not".

[Rebecca]

Being England no ones cared.

It's amazing isn't it.

I expected a mob of angry villagers with pitchforks, fire and chains but everyone has been like "Don't care" which is so cool.

Get to do whatever I want and not had any negative experiences yet.

Double takes etc I find complimentary at the moment as I know I still have a long way to go.

[Emileeeee]

I also needed a doctor's note to change it on my driver's license and with the SSA. I love having to ask permission to be myself. I thought the whole allure of being an adult was not having to ask permission for everything!

[AnneK]

Is it so insane to freely chose the life of being female rather than the mumbo jumbo of some medically defined classification of some form of dysphoria

What really gets me is that a woman can freely wear "men's" clothes, yet guys who wear feminine items are some sort of freak.  If people could just be who they want to be, without problems from others, this would be a much better world.

[staciM]

It sounds logical to us to "just" live as our true gender, rather than our birth gender....without the medical hurdles.  However, like it or not, gender is a societal construct that exists.  Some for meaningless things and some for privacy and security reasons.  I hate to go back to the bathroom/change room thing, but it exists.  Don't hate me, but in my opinion, the medical components and "process" for paperwork puts some validity to the gender change, rather than someone "on a whim" declaring they are the opposite sex for whatever reason they would do that....innocent or not....and then flip-flopping at will.  Can you imagine if huge bearded dudes just said "I'm a woman" and proceeded to use the woman's facilities and that had to be accepted?  Would you all feel comfortable with that?  As a "true" transgender woman, I wouldn't.

[RobynD]

The answer is yes, you can be who you want when you want. Although we have come a long way in gender understanding. The parts of it still tied to doctors and conditions are a bit troublesome. Many people of course do have these issues but some do not and some have to lie in order to get the meds and support they need. That is sad.

The truth is that society in general has very little interest in not being more free. It is just the outdated notions of how we separated ourselves and what specifically that meant to the culture.

[RobynD]

Can you imagine if huge bearded dudes just said "I'm a woman" and proceeded to use the woman's facilities and that had to be accepted?  Would you all feel comfortable with that?  As a "true" transgender woman, I wouldn't.

If there were compelling statistics to indicate danger i might question it. Since those do not exist, i really should not care based on any "creepy feeling" or loss of privacy or other things that people talk about. I've undressed and used the facilities next to the other gender in Europe many times, once you do it the mystery is over and you forget about it. Beards or no beards

[Kylo]

Well, if you wanted to begin describing yourself female and dressing female, nobody can stop you.

The problem comes with other people accepting it, and of being operated on, or being given hormones.

I agree that to some extent, as another said before me, it's not just you if you want other people to see you a certain way - you're asking them to acknowledge something they may not understand or even see at first for your benefit, but not for theirs. They are transitioning with you. It seems to help people do this if they understand your need. At the moment we call it medical and psychological, maybe some day in the future it won't be necessary.

Other stuff like getting hormones I can appreciate the frustration with. Why exactly is testosterone a controlled substance, for example, as if it's a class A narcotic? It isn't, and yet it's treated much like illicit drugs. If I want it I have to jump through legal hoops and can't take it easily across borders even though it's necessary for my health now. But while having to go through all of this via the medical establishment, at least I can get their advice and knowledge on what to expect. It's not the most dignified process, but I see that it's supposed to be there to help. If I could get surgery and hormones privately but without the process I'm not sure I'd be aware of all the risks and services available.

One day human society may be ready for true variety and freedom. For now, it does not seem to be.

[kellypinkbunny]

sorry lady's BUT it's all about thats right you guessed it MONEY!