It's such a weird conundrum

[stephaniec]

It's really weird I've been on HRT for 29 months and been full time about a year and I get more confident everyday , but all of a sudden out of nowhere my confidence gets shattered into a million pieces when I'm sitting in Starbucks quietly surfing the internet then someone looks at me and I perceive it as clocking and my brain freaks. I'm kind of wondering if this is just an unsurmountable thing that's going to happen to me the rest of my life.

[Laura_7]

It's really weird I've been on HRT for 29 months and been full time about a year and I get more confident everyday , but all of a sudden out of nowhere my confidence gets shattered into a million pieces when I'm sitting in Starbucks quietly surfing the internet then someone looks at me and I perceive it as clocking and my brain freaks. I'm kind of wondering if this is just an unsurmountable thing that's going to happen to me the rest of my life.

You might simply give a friendly smile to people.
Most people react likewise then.
Just a friendly reaction can go a long way.

With misgendering a few ready answers might be studied.
Like pointing to boobies and asking if they look like those of a boy.
Usually people apologize then.

I'd say try to be friendly and polite.
People usually react positive then.


hugs

[stephaniec]

I usually smile, but once in a while I get caught off guard and it feels like I've been struck by a bolt of lightening.

[JLT1]

Hey!!!!

People stare for many reasons, most of which don't relate to us being transgender.  It is our mind that takes us there.  In the end, a smile works so many wonders.

I'm 24 moths post transition.  I get stared at ocassionally.  It goes with being a woman, not necessarily being a transgendered woman.

Hugs

Jen

[stephaniec]

I think I need to lobotomize that part of my brain that interprets people stares .

[Laura_7]

I think I need to lobotomize that part of my brain that interprets people stares .

Its trained reactions imo, may it be fear or a smile.
Its possible to change it to a smile. After a while it becomes second nature.
And if some people glare intrusively a smile might be the right thing to remind them they overstepped
usually people know themselves ...


hugs

[Wild Flower]

I think I need to lobotomize that part of my brain that interprets people stares .

Could be just a weirdo or a guy lost in his thoughts.

Today I was in line and look up to see a towering hulk'ish guy ataring at me and I look away. He didnt look away when we lock eyes.

Yes could be anything.

[Ms Grace]

Smile and gesture for them to come over. When they do, give them a photo of yourself. Say "here, this will last longer."

[Stevie]

 I used to weigh 385 lbs I got stared at all the time also got rude comments people talking under their breath pointing and giggling generally just treated  badly because of it.  It dose not bother me near as much as it did then when someone does it now, because I feel good about myself and pretty much have a constant smile on my face so most people smile back.

[Michelle_P]

Smile at them.

If in a safe environment like a high end restaurant (not likely to be attacked or stalked out the door), give them a wink.    This seems to scare the heck out of a certain sort of person.    They'll respond as to a threat, quickly looking away, typically facing downward, an avoidance response.

[stephaniec]

I live next to a University and most of the girls smile at me. I don't know if they see me as trans and are just being nice or whatever, but lately I've encountered a few of the upper sorority type that stare and that freaks me out.

[stephaniec]

Smile and gesture for them to come over. When they do, give them a photo of yourself. Say "here, this will last longer."

that sounds good , like autographed copies , Hi I'm Stephanie.

[Mermaid]

People look at each other for a variety of reasons. We're susceptible to ascribe our fears to those reasons... "he looked at me because he noticed my pimple", "he looked at me because I'm fat", "he looked at me because my hair's all over the place"...

Self-perception has a lot to do with how you interpret other people's glances, I think, and what you think they'll notice. Best not to care and to try to be indifferent (probably a hard thing), it's impossible to know what others are thinking...

[KayXo]

Wondering if you pass or not will make you miserable. Depending on others' perception of you will make you miserable. Be you, enjoy being you regardless...and life will be better.

[Michelle_P]

"Passing", to me isn't a matter of how comfortable I am.  It's more a matter of how safe I am.

Growing up, I learned to "pass" as male, to avoid being targeted (and beaten) in the schoolyard.  Eventually I developed a male persona, a collection of behaviors and habits I could run to more or less fit in with the male subculture that let me avoid triggering their "Outsider!" response.  I could hide behind that persona, safe from abuse, and isolated from any real social interactions.  Safe, but fundamentally damaged; that was me.

I'm dismantling the male persona now with some help, and letting myself out.  I very likely don't "pass" as male or female at this point, but as a better defense mechanism, I try to avoid being noticed in environments where I could provoke an aggressive response to my very existence.  I am very fortunate to live in a region that is relatively trans-friendly.

I don't really want to be concerned about the perception of others beyond the risk of aggressive responses to the sight of me.  If someone else suffers from a transphobic reaction to my existence, that's their problem (unless they go for a physical attack, of course).

[stephaniec]

That's how I was growing up, I created this my person just to survive. It's such a terrible way to live. to live behind a creation. That male mask just to survive and not to be bullied or feel more odd than you already feel.