Boy, I know where you are coming from. I've been married for over 21 years and my wife knew that I was a CD before we married. We went to a gender therapist then and worked it out, sort of. Like most of us, it comes and goes in cycles, we buy clothes, purge them, etc. The kids came along quickly and we now have 5 kids. I told her at the time we got married that I wasn't going any further, but in the last year I find I can't live with myself anymore. I started seeing a gender therapist not so regularly where I live now as it's expensive and she just confirms what I've always known, but was afraid to admit: That inside I am a woman. My wife went to the therapist with me and it didn't go well. My wife says that I said I'd never take it further and that I should stick to that. She says she doesn't want to be married to a woman. SO, the choice is that I lose everything except who I am or I stay miserable until I die. She seems fine with that. What's confusing to me is that in my conversations with the original gender therapist said my wife has her own gender issues and that she doesn't know if she wants to be like her mom or dad. My wife has admitted that she has some gender issue, but that she lives with it. She's somewhat masculine in mindset and gets along with men better than women, but in terms of expression, she's female and seems to like that or at least that what she goes for. I love this woman and in a perfect world, if I was a woman and she was a man, we both be happier as individuals and a couple, but she doesn't want to let go of something and to show her true self. For instance, once during sex she said she wished she had a penis (she will deny it now)...I don't get it...Is social enculturation that strong? She tells me to wait a few years and that society will be different then. I don't if she just expects me to go into remission again or is it something like she's waiting for her mom to pass (her mom is old) as her mom has a huge influence in terms of acceptance. If there's one negative about my wife, it's that she's always looking for validation, especially at work. She's very competitive. I think she's afraid her mom would disown her. SO...There's a lot to consider when you are involved with someone. Kids get involved and I'll tell you that many times, there's a good reason women marry and date transgender folk and it's not some blind chance thing. Even my wife admits that much. In the end, you'll have to make a decision and live with it. What I can tell you is that it gets worse with age in terms of being able to hide. At some point, the true self wants to come out. I know mine will, I just need the courage. You will find it too.
