Do I Want to Be the Woman I Wish I Could Be With...?

[KelliHu]

I think the  reason why someone seeks to transition matters because if someone makes physical irreversible changes based on a fantasy, there is a high probability that in time they will regret their decision.

I would tend to agree with this...as soon as I came upon this latest revelation that my feelings might be based on a fantasy, the feelings have not been as strong as they were before...

[KelliHu]

I brought up this very question to my wife, and she thought it was interesting...we concluded that what I consider my "ideal" body type in a woman is *exactly* what I'd look like if I were to transition into a woman.

[Kimberley Beauregard]

I used to ask myself that. Am I unhappy because I don't fit my idea of how I should look when presenting as female? Is the source of my jealousy towards other women the fact that I learn to be in bed with them rather than be like them?

But then I remember having that desire to be a girl from a young age and the accompanying disappointment when I saw my reflection. I remember that strong desire to be feminine at other times, and only pushing those feelings out because guys were ridiculed for being feminine (not just by their peers either). I remember at one point I preferred hanging around with girls, which changed because (again) it's "not what boys do". I remember the struggles I went through when I first tried to socialise with boys. I don't have those struggles nowadays and tend to get on with most people, but those early signs seem to say something.

And now, I remember how content I feel when I present as female and how much that shows in my photos.

*shrug*

[Lili]

I know how you feel, i concluded that i just love myself more than i love others.

[KelliHu]

I know how you feel, i concluded that i just love myself more than i love others.

I don't know that it's about loving myself...but that I love the fantasy of my "ideal" body type in a woman so much that I feel compelled to become that woman myself since my wife does not match that body type...

[Myrrial32]

This is kind of an odd thing. I have wondered this before, but I am definitely a lot more myself in the last 6 months being full time. I think I may be a little bit asexual because I don't feel a very strong attraction to anyone physically. In the past I didn't know I could actually become a woman. I had always thought it was a fantasy that I just had to keep to myself. I have always had crushes here and there with women so attraction was never something that could use to confirm my feelings about my body. And now I found if I spend enough time with a man I can develop feelings for them, but it isn't something that starts very obvious, another reason I feel like I might be a bit asexual. I don't know if I am a very normal case, but also not being interested in any relationships for over 15 years probably backs up my point of view. I just hope things get simpler once I start hrt next month.

[Lady_Oracle]

i think if you're having any form of serious transition thoughts you probably aren't cis and thats alright. And if you are cis then no worries at least you opened yourself up in ways most people wouldnt even dare to.

about thread topic, I think it's simply deep seated jealously (due to dyshoria) manifesting itself as attraction. At least thats the way I see it when I think back to my early years. I guess I learned it was jealousy after girls got to do things I wasn't allowed to do because I was a "boy". Essentially teachers would shame me in the middle of class, in front of everyone for behaving "like a girl" I was just being myself you know. Its also when I learned I had to be something else, someone else to survive my public school education..lol hey jokes on you my kindergarten teachers. I' am a girl, well a woman now I guess...

I'm not a girl not yet a woman lol

<3 britney 

[Jacqueline]

i think if you're having any form of serious transition thoughts you probably aren't cis and thats alright. And if you are cis then no worries at least you opened yourself up in ways most people wouldnt even dare to.

about thread topic, I think it's simply deep seated jealously (due to dyshoria) manifesting itself as attraction. At least thats the way I see it when I think back to my early years. I guess I learned it was jealousy after girls got to do things I wasn't allowed to do because I was a "boy". Essentially teachers would shame me in the middle of class, in front of everyone for behaving "like a girl" I was just being myself you know. Its also when I learned I had to be something else, someone else to survive my public school education..lol hey jokes on you my kindergarten teachers. I' am a girl, well a woman now I guess...


I'm not a girl not yet a woman lol

<3 britney 

Britney,

I think you raise some very good points.

I also relate to your final comment, I think.  However, I bet  I think about it a little differently just because where I am in my journey.

Thanks,

Joanna

[KelliHu]

i think if you're having any form of serious transition thoughts you probably aren't cis and thats alright. And if you are cis then no worries at least you opened yourself up in ways most people wouldnt even dare to.

about thread topic, I think it's simply deep seated jealously (due to dyshoria) manifesting itself as attraction. At least thats the way I see it when I think back to my early years. I guess I learned it was jealousy after girls got to do things I wasn't allowed to do because I was a "boy". Essentially teachers would shame me in the middle of class, in front of everyone for behaving "like a girl" I was just being myself you know. Its also when I learned I had to be something else, someone else to survive my public school education..lol hey jokes on you my kindergarten teachers. I' am a girl, well a woman now I guess...

I'm not a girl not yet a woman lol

<3 britney 

Thanks for the response.  I would agree that having any thoughts at all of transition means something...

And for me, the jealousy seems to be purely physical in nature.  I've never felt attractive as a man, so my theory is that the jealousy stems from feeling that women are attractive while I'm not, so to be attractive, I need to be a woman that matches my "ideal."  When I brought it up with my therapist last week, she asked if I'd live my life any different as a woman.  I responded, no, I'd live my life exactly how I'm living it now as a guy.  I'm sure there are feminine behaviors I'm exhibiting which I'm completely unaware of, but I'd probably be the girl that acts very much like a guy.

So when I think about transition, I think about it from the purely physical standpoint...

[cindianna_jones]

It is possible for MtF transgender feelings to stem from a belief that our significant other does not live up to some physical "fantasy" or ideal?

In other words, might a man develop transgender feelings because he subconsciously wants to physically and/or mentally become the "ideal" woman he wishes he could be with?  And if so, is this a "good" reason for transition?

Although I knew myself at a very young age of three, I absolutely had these feelings when I reached puberty. I often worried that my feelings had become a fetish. I'd get all excited when I dressed up. It was terribly confusing. When I started my RLT, those feelings that it might be a fetish went away completely. I became elated that I wasn't a freak, at least in that way. I became much more comfortable with myself. So, I've been who I am for more than thirty years and I've never looked back or had regrets.

[stephaniec]

Although I knew myself at a very young age of three, I absolutely had these feelings when I reached puberty. I often worried that my feelings had become a fetish. I'd get all excited when I dressed up. It was terribly confusing. When I started my RLT, those feelings that it might be a fetish went away completely. I became elated that I wasn't a freak, at least in that way. I became much more comfortable with myself. So, I've been who I am for more than thirty years and I've never looked back or had regrets.

Amen

[Magicka]

When I was a kid I would toy with the idea of being a girl and had fun doing girly things with my sister we were always close best friends. Then when I was 9 I started wearing pagan witchy jewelry as I really love jewelry and always have. When I was 9 I wore a dress and really liked it but got nervous and never did it again in case I was caught lol. Then my big brother started getting me working out when I was 10.....  he would make me do push up after push up pull ups and lift weights so I got really buff and started feeling manly at only 12 and puberty hit with all that t hitting me. I started feeling way masculine for at least 5 years a lot of my teens. I was benching 150lbs in 6th grade and 180lbs in ninth and running 5:25 miles. I started feeling gender confused again in my early 20's and by the time I was 26 I came to absolutely realize I was a woman at heart. Benn on hormones for 1 year now and have never loved my body more! 

The long journey of self discovery is soooo hard especially in retrospect when you are buried to the depths in regrets.

[Jacqueline]

 

This thread has been locked for evaluation. ' ->-bleeped-<-' is a theory that is not allowed on Susan's.

It is defined here with some explanation of it's controversy.

https://www.susans.org/wiki/ ->-bleeped-<-



Sincerely,
Joanna