How can I help my wife

[ToniB]

Sorry to intrude in Your Forum but on Sunday We had an incident that caused My wife some distress and upset .We where walking back from church together holding hands as We usually do and We passed a group of Young Girls as We went past We heard one girl say something like "Look at the Lesbians " this was a a big thing as she is really struggling with my Feminine appearance saying "I married a man not a woman and I can not find You at all attractive as a Woman .Please can somebody suggest some way I can help her come to terms with things as I really don't want to lose her . I suppose it does not help her being in her seventies and having been brought up an Irish Catholic so some real big mountains to climb and the fact that We only got married 4 Years Ago and there was no sign of my impending transition at the time

[Laura_7]

Some people compare it to a twin ...
they will be like their male/female twin, with many of the same features ...

being a lesbian is not against religion, it should be about love between people..
and usually teens of all genders find lesbians hot
That may be a reason why they talked about it.


hugs

[PrincessButtercup]

If you see yourself and present as a woman and your wife is a woman, then yes, the world is going to perceive it as a lesbian relationship, because that's what it is regardless of what anatomical bits you're hiding under your clothing. Other than avoiding any form of PDA, I don't have any advice on how to save your wife from that judgement.

[Elis]

Agree with Buttercup about there being no other way than avoiding PDA. I was in a relationship with a girl and it took me a long time to be comfortable holding her hand in public; even though we lived in a large city. You could try holding her hand in public somewhere busy; then ler her know if she becomes uncomfortable she can stop and try again in a few mins so she gets used to it (which is what I did). I also came to the realisation that even if we did get the odd stare nobody would bother actually piping up to say something and most people are distracted in their own bubble to notice people around them. I'm guessing coaxing her to go to a LGBT group would be too much for her to handle.

If I was in your position I'd be upfront and say most people are going to view as as a gay couple and it can't be helped. Although I understand how difficult your situation must be. I hope it gets better for you and you can work it out

[JoanneB]

"I did not marry a woman". "I like how men make me feel". "I love how men smell", "Rubber doesn't do anything for me". "I cannot think of you as my 'Husband' with tits bigger then my natural ones"

Believe me, it is difficult if not close to impossible to 'Fix'. As the former moderator of my once said to me about an absolutely gorgeous transwoman member; "It takes a special man to go out with a trans..."

Seeing all the positive changes in me has helped my wife to....soften her views. Don't get me wrong, I still hear all the above, just not as often, to rarely. You can even add "Maybe if you wore a tee-shirt..." into the mix.

There is hope. Just no magic fix. Just like there is to being trans

[HappyMoni]

Could you maybe let her take the initiative as to when to hold hands. It might give her more control. Also listen to her, be attentive to what she is saying. It will help her knowing that you take her concerns seriously.
Moni
(Anyone tell me what PDA is?)

[PrincessButtercup]

(Anyone tell me what PDA is?)

Public Display of Affection

[Paige]

Please can somebody suggest some way I can help her come to terms with things as I really don't want to lose her .

Hi Toni,
If you figure it out, please let me know.  I'm in a similar situation and if I continue down this path all probably end up separating.
Take care,
Paige