I'm a Heterosexual/Straight Male with a transitioning (FTM/F2M) partner

[craig.francis]

I'm trying to find anyone who is willing to share their experiences, or any kind of resources, for a Heterosexual/Straight Male, where their partner is transitioning from Female to Male.

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My partner has never associated with being Female. When we met they were more gender neutral, but 5 years later, they are now transitioning to being Male.

Personally I've never found the Male form attractive, so this has been a bit difficult. On the other hand, we generally get on well, and share similar views.

So far I cannot find anyone else in this situation (it seems that it's usually people who are Bisexual, Female partners who started in a Homosexual relationship, or partners who are transitioning from Male to Female).

The best information I can find are articles like the following, where the partner is "not 100 percent straight":

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/01/what-its-like-when-your-wife-becomes-your-husband.html

[Ms Grace]

Hi!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

Hopefully someone will be able to offer some perspective for you. I do know a trans guy who has the same male partner since before his transition - unfortunately neither are on this forum!

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Cheers

Grace

[arice]

The fact that you're on here is awesome! Welcome to the forum.

My husband isn't on the forum and I'm not sure either of us are ready for him to be... but he would basically be in the same boat as you. We have been together almost 17 years and while he has always known that I'm a "guy who happens to be female", it is only recently that I have been consumed by a desire to transition (wholly or partially). He did question his sexuality as a teen but had long ago come to the conclusion that he was straight. I like to think that our marriage will survive whatever transition I need but I don't know. For us, the key so far has been honest communication. Our problems tend to arise when I keep things to myself out of fear that he won't be able to handle it.
My advice to you is to be honest with each other, talk about your thoughts and feelings before they get out of control, don't make assumptions about each others intentions, talk to a gender therapist and couples therapist if you have one.
Good luck!

Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk

[Peep]

Like arice said, the key is always communication - that's the advice I've been given and it's been working okay for me so far.

My boyfriend still identifies as straight, but we're planning to stay together regardless. Our view on how he labels his sexuality is that it's no one else's business! If someone's dating someone with brown hair, do they have to talk about if they still prefer blondes? lol P:

As far as intimacy goes, I'm early on in my transition so that hasn't become an issue for us yet. Again, communication there is key. It depends on your temperament, but some people once they're really familiar with someone, physical changes don't have as big an impact as you might think, as long as their personality stays the same. That's the dream at least

For most people, transition is pretty slow, very few things happen overnight, and as long as you continue to communicate nothing should take you by surprise. My partner did some independent research which was very helpful as i didn't have to explain every detail when we came to discuss it. Just remember that not everyone transitions the same way - don't compare your partner to other trans guys too much.

Good luck!

[Feminator]

Welcome. I am a lesbian/Queer Femme who has a transmasculine, non binary partner.

I totally get the 'not attracted to the male form', I really am not. It's not my preference even though I have been with males in the past. I don't like the idea of whiskers, stubble on faces, hairy bodies or that male smell.... I have been with my wife for 11 years now and pretty much suspected that she was a bit more he than a she. So, I don't know if talking to me would help but you are welcome to message me or whatever and I will help where I can. 

[craig.francis]

Thanks for the intro Grace,

I've had a quick look at the rules and guidelines, and will do my best to keep to them (they seem simple enough, and I'm glad to see you have spent the time writing them up).

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Hi Arice,

Well done in keeping your relationship going for 17 years, maybe it was easy, but for some that's quite an achievement.

If your husband isn't ready to be on this forum (and I'm not sure if I'm ready either), and he wants someone to talk to, while I can't promise I'll be any use, we could email each other instead?

So far I think we have been ok at communicating, and hope it will continue, but I do wonder if I keep some of my concerns a little secret.

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Hi Peep,

I think your boyfriend has the right attitude by saying that it's no one else's business. As you're right, hair colour isn't treated like that, and I'm finding that these things are not as simple as yes/no answers (as in, someone belongs in group X, and that's it).

And I hope you're right about physical changes not having as big an impact. I'm just not sure what it will be like when my partner starts growing facial hair, their voice changes, and potentially other changes as well. I never imagined I would be in a situation like that.

As to the speed of transitioning, I am glad it takes time, and I'll try to keep aware of the changes. What I fear is that I'm going to put my head in the sand (as in, focus primarily on work), then suddenly realise what has changed in a few years time.

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Hi Feminator,

Thanks for the invite, I'll send a private message in a bit (I'm a website developer, but when it comes to actually using websites, well, we will see how this goes).

But it does sound like we have some concerns in common, the list you provided is very similar to my own.

And by coincidence, my partner is a massive Doctor Who fan as well, so maybe you will have someone else to talk to as well (just going by your avatar).

[craig.francis]

... I don't know if talking to me would help but you are welcome to message me or whatever and I will help where I can.

Hi Feminator,

Looks like I can't message you at the moment, as I'm getting an error message saying:

You are not allowed to send personal messages

So maybe email instead?

My email address is "craig [at] craigfrancis [dot] co [dot] uk" ... please replace the bits in square brackets as needed (I'm just trying to avoid my email address being picked up my spam bots).

[PrincessButtercup]

Hi Feminator,

Looks like I can't message you at the moment, as I'm getting an error message saying:

Unfortunately you have to have 15 posts before you're allowed to send private messages to other members. You can find that rule and other post count information here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.