Thoughts About Junk

[AGhostInMyArms]

This isn't really a comfortable thing for me to talk about. This is about to get super personal but I want to share these thoughts with someone that might understand. I am genuinely interested in hearing what other guys in my situation have to say about the matter, and how you experience this intimacy for yourselves.

I am not a fan of my current junk. My phallus is my buddy, and he's big in my eyes, although there is a lot left to be desired for me. Sex is always something I want but is problematic - even when the partner is 100% accepting of me, I get so turned off by my own junk that I'm usually just ready to isolate myself. When I was 19 and semi-regularly hooking up with someone, I was able to penetrate him with what I had naturally. And though he enjoyed it, or at least put on a convincing display, I would experience moments of acute self awareness and become completely disgusted with myself. I would lose the erection completely, become disconnected, and put myself and partner in an uneasy situation.

More recently, I had a different partner for about 5 months. We would switch top and bottom roles. When I would bottom for other guys (bottom meaning, not my "bottom"), I really didn't care for it. With this person, and the connection we shared, I was able to enjoy being penetrated. Now, this did not lessen my dysphoria. Even after what I would consider great sex, severe depression would often follow. I do not like that there's nothing hanging, that my come smells different than normal semen (although, I've noticed and have been told, it is not like a "female's" either), the fact that yeast infections are not an uncommon thing and draw attention to that part of my body.

When I would top, which I love to be in that role, my junk was not able to penetrate him easily. We bought a Tantus real doe, which is a realistic strapless prosthetic and that worked relatively well. There were certain angles that did not work so well, like him riding me. It would also slip out of me occasionally and that disconnected me from the experience I was trying to create, and added to the dysphoria.

I have tried bottoming with my bottom - once. Perhaps we didn't use enough lube, it hurt like a sonofabitch! I can enjoy the experience of bottoming, but do not want the frontal hole. I'd like to ask, does anal really get easier? I have read a study that cis-men have more elasticity. I wouldn't want to bottom all the time, but I am worried about it being too painful to do when I am post-op phalloplasty. It's something I can definitely live with but something that I wonder about. Experiences welcome. Advice welcomed.

How do you guys feel about sex right now? Are you able to one-up your dysphoria, at least some of the time? Also to any post-op guys, I would love to hear how you relate to your body now. Thanks everybody.

[FTMax]

When I first became sexually active it was because I felt socially obligated to do so. All my friends were hooking up, I didn't want to seem weirder than I already was. But it was never something I would've actively pursued otherwise. Looking back now, I 100% believe it was related to my dysphoria and how I saw myself/how others saw me.

After I got on T and had top surgery everything improved a lot. I was open to a lot more sexually than I had been before, and I wasn't as hung up about being undressed. Still, there was a lot that I had no interest in, like being penetrated. It took having the right partner to finally be fine with receiving any kind of oral or manual stimulation. Prosthetics helped a bit initially, but they are not my girlfriend's preferred option, and I find the longer I'm waiting for bottom surgery, the worse my dysphoria gets when I'm having to strap something on for sex.

Overall, I feel kind of ambivalent about sex. I like keeping my partner happy, and I know that sex (regardless of how we do it) is at least somewhat important to her. I don't have a strong need for it. Time will tell if it's a dysphoria related thing, or if I'm mildly asexual.

[November Fox]

This is an old thread but I figured I can add something to this and maybe it still helps.

I´ve watched a lot of videos about er... bottoming since I thought I was gay  Now I´m not so sure about that anymore, but nevertheless learned a lot.

My advice is don´t just go all the way with anal at once. It makes plenty of sense that if you do anal, but are not used to it, your body hasn´t had a chance to adjust to it either. So instead, you buy a set of plugs, and you start there. Your partner can wear these with a harness most of the time.

Start with the small ones and then work your way up to a bigger size. If you´re going to skip that part and just have painful sex you could rip something down there, or create a tear, and I´m sure that hurts a lot too and could end up needing some time to heal.