Have you ever wondered if you will back out before taking T?

[Midnightstar]

This is a daily thought of mine wondering if i'll end up backing out before taking testosterone, iv'e backed out of asking about testosterone before but this time iv'e gotten myself the courage and it so long of a wait i'm wondering
am i going to get there and not ask again? Just curious if others have feared or even done this themselves.

(My apologies if i'm repeating something iv'e asked before i don't always keep track and
its just been on my mind. The closer everything gets i get really nervous and scared of if i can make the right choice.)

[Elis]

Yeah I had when my GP gave me my prescription; as I never thought she'd actually give me the go ahead for T. I didn't seriously consider it though because I wanted to finally be rid of my dysphoria which was crippling. Even after taking T the first few months I was still thinking WTH I was doing.
I would ask again; get the prescription and T;  then deal with it then. Maybe take a breather for a few hours/days before taking it. As I said previously it's good to remember not to feel forced to take T.

[Midnightstar]

Yeah I had when my GP gave me my prescription; as I never thought she'd actually give me the go ahead for T. I didn't seriously consider it though because I wanted to finally be rid of my dysphoria which was crippling. Even after taking T the first few months I was still thinking WTH I was doing.
I would ask again; get the prescription and T;  then deal with it then. Maybe take a breather for a few hours/days before taking it. As I said previously it's good to remember not to feel forced to take T.

Yea, and i understand that
problem is i don't know if i am feeling forced i feel like i want to take T
but then i'm scared and i don't know if im scared because of feeling forced or just scared.

[Elis]

Surely you can't feel forced because only you are asking for T; it's not like your therapist or doctor is saying; 'you have to take this'. And scared of what? Could be best to break down a list of pro and cons. If you're out to family or friends you won't have much to lose taking T; because they expect you want it or will ask your doctor for it. Also if you have bad dysphoria and tried different things to deal with it which weren't completely successful; then T is kinda the last solution.

It takes around 3 months for you to see changes physically and mentally; if you still don't feel 100% sure about T you can always stop.

[Midnightstar]

Surely you can't feel forced because only you are asking for T; it's not like your therapist or doctor is saying; 'you have to take this'. And scared of what? Could be best to break down a list of pro and cons. If you're out to family or friends you won't have much to lose taking T; because they expect you want it or will ask your doctor for it. Also if you have bad dysphoria and tried different things to deal with it which weren't completely successful; then T is kinda the last solution.

It takes around 3 months for you to see changes physically and mentally; if you still don't feel 100% sure about T you can always stop.

Yea, it does take around 3 mounts but there are effects that i can't get rid of no matter what.
I'm scared of my own choices i'm scared i don't have enough dysphoria i'm scared that i don't match what most trans people do. I'm scared in general, and i know its all up to me and that is even more frighting nothings ever been completely left up to me before. i guess that's my problem. I have done pros and cons iv'e been thinking about writing one out and sending it here to see what others think...my pros and cons are strange there always in the middle or yes. Being sometimes agender doesn't help either but im sure people know that. yea, sorry if this is probably another repeat of my fears but its a all consuming thought. Maybe there is something else holding me back i haven't discovered yet and thats why i can't stop thinking about it i dont know. I feel bad to because even though its getting closer to that time i'm still on repeats. 

[Elis]

Taking T for 3 months won't really cause any irreversible damage. Your voice may be slightly deeper but won't be noticeable to anyone but yourself and your downstairs area may be slightly bigger but that's it.

At the end of the day you just have to jump in and go for it; otherwise you're going to drive yourself crazy thinking up pros and cons and what ifs. That was my thinking when dealing with trans stuff.

[Midnightstar]

Taking T for 3 months won't really cause any irreversible damage. Your voice may be slightly deeper but won't be noticeable to anyone but yourself and your downstairs area may be slightly bigger but that's it.

At the end of the day you just have to jump in and go for it; otherwise you're going to drive yourself crazy thinking up pros and cons and what ifs. That was my thinking when dealing with trans stuff.

Yea, you're completely right and honestly i didn't know that because i thought no matter what the voice would stick.

[Peep]

The way I see it, I don't have to be 100% sure until i'm actually injecting it. It's going to take me so long to get to it, I'm not waiting to be certain before asking. I'm using the wait time to decide. Usually I lean towards yes, about 20% of the time no

[Jonathan L]

I freaked out and almost backed out of taking T once I got my hands on it. I think I was so focused on getting T and had expected it to take a really long time that when I got it so quickly I just panicked. I had to deal with the fact that I was really going to do this and that it would change and complicate my life (even if some of those changes were things I wanted). I went ahead with it though because I knew that if I didn't I would always be wondering "what if" and because I thought taking T would clarify whether or not it was right for me. I know that it's controversial to take T without being 100% sure about it but I also know myself well enough to know that I was never going to be 100% sure and that being in limbo was definitely not working for me. I've been on T for a month and like Elis I'm still wondering WTH I'm doing lol (Elis, it's comforting to know you felt that way for the first 3 months). I really thought being on T would make a light bulb go off in me and I would know if it was for me or not, but so far I still go back and forth a lot. I think some of that is fear of the unknown and some is fear of having to deal with people noticing that I'm changing.

What has helped me is to check in with myself every week and ask myself if I really want to stop and not take my next injection. So far the answer has always been no. I'm too excited to see what happens and too miserable with the way things are to stop at this point. But if that changes it helps to know that I can always stop at any time. It also helps to remind myself of why I'm taking T. I'm very unhappy with my body the way it is now. I have a lot of dysphoria and that is not magically going to go away on its own so taking T gives me hope that someday I can be more comfortable in my body. I'm also really uncomfortable with the fact that everyone sees me as female (I don't pass at all) so taking T seems like a good way to fix that.

[FTMax]

I figured I would know fairly early on whether or not it was worth it for me. It was pretty much an instant fix, so I see no reason why I would ever stop. Mentally I felt loads better, physically I look great. The only negative side effects I've ever gotten have been fixable (acne=time, skin care regimen; fatigue post hysto=dropping dosage by 20%). I think it's important to be honest with yourself about what you want, what you can reasonably expect, and the current state of your health. And it's important to share all of those things with the doctor providing your hormones so that you stay healthy and get where you want to get in your transition.

Conversely, I had a friend get their first two injections and then decide that T was not right for them. I don't like to question people's choices or decisions regarding their healthcare, so I haven't asked why. They did dive headfirst into transitioning and sought out an informed consent clinic in order to get quick access to hormones, so this could have possibly been avoided by discussing everything with a therapist or counselor in advance.

When in doubt, talk it out.

[Charles96]

 When I first got it I said to myself if I didn't want it after the first shot, I would stop. Well of course I wanted it right away, even if there was no changes, I felt better for the first time I finally felt alive.

[Midnightstar]

I figured I would know fairly early on whether or not it was worth it for me. It was pretty much an instant fix, so I see no reason why I would ever stop. Mentally I felt loads better, physically I look great. The only negative side effects I've ever gotten have been fixable (acne=time, skin care regimen; fatigue post hysto=dropping dosage by 20%). I think it's important to be honest with yourself about what you want, what you can reasonably expect, and the current state of your health. And it's important to share all of those things with the doctor providing your hormones so that you stay healthy and get where you want to get in your transition.

Conversely, I had a friend get their first two injections and then decide that T was not right for them. I don't like to question people's choices or decisions regarding their healthcare, so I haven't asked why. They did dive headfirst into transitioning and sought out an informed consent clinic in order to get quick access to hormones, so this could have possibly been avoided by discussing everything with a therapist or counselor in advance.

When in doubt, talk it out.

Yea, i have talked to a counselor however someday i'd like to travel and find a really good counselor.
Mine is working for what i need i'd say but not the best either however he is new and young so i understand
That's why many times i adventure back to this site instead. I am  planning on taking T i just get worried to often you could say. But if you don't mind me asking if you have a tiny amount of achne  before T does that normally mean you'll have a lot when taking T?  or does it differ on the person?

[FTMax]

But if you don't mind me asking if you have a tiny amount of achne  before T does that normally mean you'll have a lot when taking T?  or does it differ on the person?

I think it differs person to person. My skin was an issue during my first puberty, so I fully expected it to be a big problem this time around. It hasn't been that bad, and it's definitely improved from my first year on T.