I'm trying to come out to my mom...

[AxelM07]

So... I came out as transgender to my grandmother earlier, and she didn't take it well. She keeps insisting that it's just a phase and that I'm a girl, when I keep insisting that I'm a guy. I'm planning on coming out (again) to my mother later, but I'm worried because the first time I tried to, she acted like I was joking about it. All in all, my family isn't really accepting. My sister, who knows, keeps saying that it's too much of a change for her and that I'm still her sister. She doesn't know how much that hurts. What I'm asking, really, is if any of you have any advice on how to re-come-out to my mother. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

~Axel

[Laura_7]

Here are some materials that might help :

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638

This is an emotional letter fom a cis parent .. parts of it might be shown :

http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/



You might also look for an experienced gender therapist to help you explain...

you might aks at a lgbt center, plannedparenthood or PFLAG for counseling and a referral ...
or you might talk to a school counselor you trust ...


hugs

[AxelM07]

Thank you so much! I'll definitely look into that!

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's place. The just a phase argument is difficult to overcome because it shows that your parent really hasn't put any thought into what you said. The only solution to the problem is presenting an argument that can't be ignored and that will take educating your self. Wiki has some useful letters to parents on the opening page and additional information that could prove useful in your argument. I made an attempt at a letter as well. Take what you need from these source before your next discussion. We are willing to to talk with parents in the Significant other section if you can talk your mother into visiting the site. Good luck.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[AxelM07]

Thank you, so, so very much. Danke, gratzie, takk fyrir.

[Midnightstar]

So... I came out as transgender to my grandmother earlier, and she didn't take it well. She keeps insisting that it's just a phase and that I'm a girl, when I keep insisting that I'm a guy. I'm planning on coming out (again) to my mother later, but I'm worried because the first time I tried to, she acted like I was joking about it. All in all, my family isn't really accepting. My sister, who knows, keeps saying that it's too much of a change for her and that I'm still her sister. She doesn't know how much that hurts. What I'm asking, really, is if any of you have any advice on how to re-come-out to my mother. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

~Axel

I don't have many resources i know about but i can say that you could always try giving them some links to other transgender people and maybe find one that helps explain everything to them? Also sorry that isn't much but i do wish you luck i know how hard it can be when your family doesn't understand. 

[AxelM07]

TW-- Trigger Warning
Update: I came out to my mom via letter. She didn't take it well, either. She shut down completely and refuses to speak about it. She's acting rather childish, in my opinion, but then again, that's what always happens when my siblings or I do something she doesn't like. The only things she said on the subject were, "You were born a girl, and you're going to stay a girl." and, "You're only doing this for attention." The latter response, by the way, was exactly what she said several years ago when I was depressed and trying to commit suicide. So... Yeah. It didn't turn out very well.

[Laura_7]

TW-- Trigger Warning
Update: I came out to my mom via letter. She didn't take it well, either. She shut down completely and refuses to speak about it. She's acting rather childish, in my opinion, but then again, that's what always happens when my siblings or I do something she doesn't like. The only things she said on the subject were, "You were born a girl, and you're going to stay a girl." and, "You're only doing this for attention." The latter response, by the way, was exactly what she said several years ago when I was depressed and trying to commit suicide. So... Yeah. It didn't turn out very well.

*hugs*

Please look for a supportive therapist.
They may help you, a diagnosis of gender dysphoria would probably not be as easily refuted.

You might look for a therapist who has, amongst others, gender on their list, and say its for depression.

You might also talk to a therapist at school you trust, and ask for a referral.

Please look for treatment and don't let anyone discourage you.
Keep on looking for a way, there will be a way eventually.

If you feel like it please reach out ... there are helplines :

www.translifeline.org


hugs

[AxelM07]

Thank you very much for your help. I've found a therapist in my area, I've just got to convince my mom to make an appointment. Unfortunately, I go to a rather small school, so there aren't any therapists to talk to there, but I feel confident that I'll be okay. I've bookmarked the website for the helpline you gave me, in case I ever need it. Thank you again!

~Axel

[Laura_7]

Thank you very much for your help. I've found a therapist in my area, I've just got to convince my mom to make an appointment. Unfortunately, I go to a rather small school, so there aren't any therapists to talk to there, but I feel confident that I'll be okay. I've bookmarked the website for the helpline you gave me, in case I ever need it. Thank you again!

~Axel

*hugs*

Keep on keeping on . Yes convince her 


hugs

[AxelM07]

Update #2: My mom has cooled down considerably, and she's moved to the "it's just a phase" stage, which is still hurtful, but better than before, I suppose. She's agreed to take me to the therapist I found, though I'm a bit suspicious that she's only doing so because she thinks the therapist can "cure" me. According to her, my older sister went through a similar "phase" when she was around my age, though my sister is very cisgender today.

I'm just hoping that seeing the therapist not only helps me work through all that I've been going through, but also gives more validity to my true gender so that my mother will maybe someday accept me for who I am.

Thank you all for the excellent advice you've given me. I am ever so grateful, and I hope all of you can live your lives to the fullest and be who you are without opposition.

~Axel

[Laura_7]

In the first link above is a hint to a brochure.

You might print and carry that brochure along if you want.

Hope all goes well and if you have questions just ask here


big hugs

[Michelle_P]

Axel,this sounds far too familiar.  Many of us have had significant others (parents or spouses) go into denial, or declare that it's 'just a phase'.  Getting a therapist to work with you is the right thing to do.

You may find that after a few sessions, you and the therapist can have a joint session with your significant other, to try and clear things up.  Just don't assume that it's a quick fix.  Parents and spouses can be pretty darn stubborn sometimes and take quite a while to realize that your situation is real and not fading away.