TRIGGER WARNING! How do you cope with your monthly guests? (FTM)

[Sebby Michelango]

I want to know some advice and how you do cope with the most hated guest, the monthly red guest. How do you cope with the gender dysphoria etc, when the "period" aka. Uncle Red knocking at your door?
My strategy is to avoid treating it like a feminine thing. I treat it like a disease that all the sexes can get, and sometime I treat it like a bad cold. Sometimes I have dark humor, where I say to myself: "I have two noses. Both do have snot and both do bleed nose blood sometimes".

Btw, I have another question to you as well. Do you avoid some kinds of style sometimes (e.g. long hair, feminine clothing etc) mostly to pass and feel more comfortable/masculine? And do you think your hairstyle and clothes style would be different if you was a cis guy or started medical transistion?

Sometimes I think if I was cis, I would allowed myself to have a bit longer hair, like some of the masculine superhero perhaps. Because then passing and the trans issue wouldn't be the problem. But I'm not sure. I think Ross Poldark (2015 version) and Thor from Marvel looks cool with long hair.

[arice]

I took depo shots when I was younger to avoid it entirely. When I wanted kids, I just thought of it as something to be endured as part of that goal. Now, I just don't think of it as a feminine thing, just as some other injury to deal with. I use a cup so I only have to think about it a few times a day... pads used to upset me because I saw it more and had a reminder.


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[arice]

As for style, I doubt it would make much difference. I think I would be a lazy slob either way. I don't really have any other style.

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[FTMax]

I would mostly just disassociate whenever I had to do anything about it. If I felt particularly bad about it, which happened once every few months or so for many years, I would just stay in bed for a few days and not see anyone until it was over. My parents were very understanding about it even though I hadn't come out at that point.

I always preferred more masculine clothing choices for the sake of comfort and pockets. I wear the same clothes now that I did pre-transition. Having had long hair pre-transition and knowing all the maintenance that it entails, I have zero interest in ever having long hair again. The only conscious choice I've made appearance-wise for the sake of passing has been to let my facial hair grow out, even if I look like a 13 year old. Everything else has been for the sake of comfort or to save time/money.

[Elis]

When I had shark week I usually just watched a loy of tv and ate a lit of junk food. I also used to take paracetamol in the morning just in case of any cramps/pain later on in the day. Plus treating it like something men also get and not just a 'women thing' helped.

Before T I'd avoid everything feminine because I didn't want to be associated as female. Now I'm much more comfortable showing I have a fem side. I think this very common with a lot of trans guys. I still have an undercut but am growing my fringe out longer; when before I kept it quite short in fear of looking female. I've thought about growing my hair out to look like thors but not sure if that look only suits tall muscular guys (no offense; just my opininion). Plus it'll take ages to grow out to that length plus it would require a lot more maintenance.

I want to dress more fem but I'm a bit nervous of being harrassed; plus I'm completely clueless about female clothing. I've started off small though and got my ears repierced.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Denial, denial, denial. That's how I coped. Grimly washed a lot of soiled underwear. I bled A LOT and had to get the big diaper pads because tampons weren't making it in there. I probably had PMDD but never got treated because that was a "woman's complaint" and I couldn't have that.

I never really skipped work or school, tough. Took way too much ibuprofen (it roughs up your stomach, take it from me) and drank coffee to get over the cold-like symptoms. Actually I did miss work in the last year due to getting migraines on my periods which caused me to lose work.

In short, periods are garbage and I hope they die.

[King Malachite]

I wear pads.  Tampons trigger me too much (because I think nothing should be going up there).  What I do is I fold A LOT of paper towels to put on top of the pad so I won't thing about the blood coming out as much.  I also wear 2-5 pairs of black underwear.  I can't control the bleeding much, so I like to be able to control how I deal with that.  At one point, I've even looked up on how to embrace my period.  I won't be surprised if I do that again since I have no plans of transitioning for the next few years.

[sigsi]

Ha when I was younger I called it "the curse". I try to ignore it, otherwise I feel like crap and usually get depressive about "being born in a freaking girl body". Sometimes I can't leave the bed/bathroom at all due to cramps/etc, so take Pamprin. Protection wise, it's easier for me to ignore pads. Conclusion is I'm miserable and probably not moving around much. Although I want to eat crap, eating less salty/junk food beforehand helps with my side affects. I've read that different foods can affect how periods go, so you could look into that and see if that helps.

For clothes, I tend to stay in a neutral catagory with a black t-shirt and dark pants. Even before bad dysphoria, I dressed this way. Hair wise, I like my short and shaggy hair. Having my mom force waist-long hair until I was 12, I'm never going back. I semi-wanted to try a half shaved look with shaggy hair on one side, but it would round out my face too much right now. For makeup, I used to wear a lot of black eyeliner/eye shadow/nail polish through school (none now). If I was born genetically male, I would probably still like eyeliner, but am opposed to it now.

On a slightly off note, when I was 15 my mom made me wear a dress for something, so I picked out a short black somewhat frilly dress. I ended up wearing an oversized black hoodie to cover it up for the event, but thought to myself that if I were a guy I would want to try it on at least once. If it wasn't for the fact that wearing a dress meant I was a girl to everyone else, it was fun to wear in a drag sort of way.

[Midnightstar]

I want to know some advice and how you do cope with the most hated guest, the monthly red guest. How do you cope with the gender dysphoria etc, when the "period" aka. Uncle Red knocking at your door?
My strategy is to avoid treating it like a feminine thing. I treat it like a disease that all the sexes can get, and sometime I treat it like a bad cold. Sometimes I have dark humor, where I say to myself: "I have two noses. Both do have snot and both do bleed nose blood sometimes".

Btw, I have another question to you as well. Do you avoid some kinds of style sometimes (e.g. long hair, feminine clothing etc) mostly to pass and feel more comfortable/masculine? And do you think your hairstyle and clothes style would be different if you was a cis guy or started medical transistion?

Sometimes I think if I was cis, I would allowed myself to have a bit longer hair, like some of the masculine superhero perhaps. Because then passing and the trans issue wouldn't be the problem. But I'm not sure. I think Ross Poldark (2015 version) and Thor from Marvel looks cool with long hair.

With my monthly it doesn't bother me often and very rarely i get dysphoria from it however it can happen so when it does happen i normally just not think about it try to play video games and sometimes try my best not to think about what it does or why it exists.

And if i was a cis guy i think my style would be the same i actually hope if i take T then i can be a guy and pass but also not be scared of wearing nail polish and being a little feminine mixed in with everything.

[WorkingOnThomas]

I guess I don't deal with it well. I pretty much try to stay home as much as possible and go nowhere. Fortunately, I just have three days of really heavy bleeding and then it's over.

I don't think my style would be different if I were sis. The only thing I'm planning on doing different after I've been on T for a bit is wearing some of the flower print shirts they're making for guys now. For now, I don't simply because I don't think it would help with passing.

[Elis]

I guess I don't deal with it well. I pretty much try to stay home as much as possible and go nowhere. Fortunately, I just have three days of really heavy bleeding and then it's over.

I don't think my style would be different if I were sis. The only thing I'm planning on doing different after I've been on T for a bit is wearing some of the flower print shirts they're making for guys now. For now, I don't simply because I don't think it would help with passing.

I recently bought a mens tshirt with a flower design on it; it's now one of my favourite t shirts

[FTMDiaries]

I'll be honest: apart from the pain & faintness, I've never really had a problem with Shark Week. On the contrary: I think bleeding is a very masculine thing to do. Marines bleed when they're injured. Boxers bleed when they've taken too many hits in the ring. Ian Astbury bleeds a little while he sings. You've got to be tough to cope with blood, so that's the approach I take.

So I just thought of it as having a lower abdominal wound. If I was a soldier in the field, a medic would come along and pack that with some gauze or something to stop the bleeding. And yes, army medics use tampons to staunch the flow of blood from bullet wounds. That's pretty much the sort of thing that I'm doing. I also don't see it as being an inherently 'female' thing. Cis women don't menstruate after the menopause, but they're still women. Trans women don't menstruate but they're still women. Some trans men menstruate but we're still men. A little blood (or a lack of it) does not define us.

As for presentation: I felt a lot more pressure early in transition to do as much as I could to make my presentation as masculine as possible. When you still look & sound noticeably female, every little thing you can do helps you to pass better. But now that I've been on T for as long as I have, my facial hair & deep voice do the job for me. I don't have to worry about making sure every little thing is 'just so'. Thankfully, I can now quite happily leave the house without my packer or wearing 'women's' trousers without worrying about people suddenly misgendering me. I feel a lot more confident in my gender expression, so I don't need to do as much work on my presentation.

[mm]

This hit close to home for me.  24 now and have had sharkweek for over 10 yrs now.  My mom started me with pads which I never liked having that pad between your legs and feeling and seeing it all the time.  Found out about tampons during my first year, one of my gf used them, she gave me one, was a jr size I think after talking with her on how to put it in; i was able to get it in and I actually didn't feel it hardly at all.  That was it; I have used them ever since only a miney pad once and a while if I think i could leak.  I use the super size for a day or two when I think i will have a heavy flow. I get cramps bad the day before I start so always know when it is coming, then little pain after I start and tampons keep me from realize I am bleeding.  I have never told my mom or dr about cramps as I don't want to take any female hormones of any type ever.  I just get through the pain for about a day each month.

I started wearing guy's clothes and now only wear them and am taken as a guy using the men's here on campus when I can't get to a unisex restroom, only a few on the other side of campus from where I am most of the time. Does make it interesting to change tampons in there, always make sure there is no sign of blood in the stall when I leave and put my trash in the waste bin them I wash my hands.  I have had short guy's style hair for over a year now, ever been to the barber shop now.  Will be nice to get on T and hopefully a total hysto some day to end it FOREVER.

[Elliot-]

If you can I recommend using mooncup. It has made the whole thing a lot easier for me, because you can't see or feel it at all. I bleed a lot and emptying it 2-3 times a day is enough.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I had vaginitis (like Brandon Teena--man his story scared me stiff) and couldn't get a thing up there for years. But that's just me, other ftms have suggested moon or diva cup or even BC pills. (BC pills made me very sick so be careful.)

What I don't understand is how you can miss 2-3 days of school/work to cramping? I couldn't afford to do that so I just tanked up on caffeine and Vitamin I (it works) and even took (very expensive) Pamprin et al, also naproxen sometimes (stronger than ibuprofen) so I could keep going. Heck, I think that is why women are actually tougher than men. They get grades/do job even with monthly pain/misery/mess fest. I only missed one test once then I got educated about Ibuprofen. (Unfortunately, was not warned about the stomach lining damage risk.) Many cis women I know have gotten ablation or hysto for bad periods as well. These are sterilizing but frankly sometimes bleeding gets worse after you've had a child or two.

I live in the US where you're not a team player/not serious if you stay home for "minor" complaints. I couldn't bear the cramping even at home in bed actually and would have taken any intervention to make it stop.

[Kylo]

I take Norethisterone in such a way that I don't have periods at all. It's entirely possible to find a balance in the body whereby you are not taking those pills everyday and spacing them out, but not allowing a trough in levels that triggers periods. It's not recommended to use the pills for this purpose but frankly, T should not be too long away for me so I doubt it matters.

Dealing with actual periods, I use codeine for the pain (kills it completely) but you should be careful with codeine because it is addictive if used for too long. 3 days max, used at the height of the pain or discomfort should sort it out. Then you can basically forget about the discomfort for the rest of the day, usually. I ignore the condition as much as possible and do not consider it a "female" thing - I think this is partly the reason why I never suffer PMS. To me it is like accidentally slicing a finger or bashing an arm - just something to deal with and not a reason I should be feeling utterly lousy or strung out about. I never thought that I should extend my annoyance with it to feeling like bad moods were justified or anything like that because that then validates the condition, to my mind. I haven't had a period for a very long time but I do remember they were medium level pain and bleeding - so not super light but also I realize that some people have them so bad they are truly debilitating. Thankfully I am not one of those people.

Regards the long hair - before I was out as trans I hated the idea of having long hair because I wished to distance myself form the feminine. However having fully accepted the condition of trans and everyone I care about knowing about it, I actually feel much more comfortable having longer hair. When viewed as a woman I wanted to masculinize myself, but when viewed as a man I'm completely comfortable with the longer hair look.

[sigsi]

What I don't understand is how you can miss 2-3 days of school/work to cramping?

Work wise, I only missed one day due to immobility thanks to cramps. That was the first day in 3 months I went off a birth control I was experimenting with so I didn't get periods (just skipped the empty pills). It was bad.

School wise (high school, not college), I didn't care too much would periodically skip a day, a morning class or gym because of side effects (never as bad as that one time during work though).

[FTMax]

What I don't understand is how you can miss 2-3 days of school/work to cramping?

It really depends on personal circumstances. In middle and high school, I would maybe take off one day per month for it if there was nothing on the syllabus that couldn't be made up later. College and grad school were easy. All it took was an email to the professor saying I have a fever and don't want to get anyone else sick, but I've done the reading and X, Y, Z assignments for the next class and to let me know if there was anything I needed to catch up on from the day I missed.

As far as work, the only time I've ever had an issue was when I was a police officer. If we wanted to use sick leave without advance notice, we had to go to a police and fire department clinic and get excused by a doctor, or show up at work with hospital release paperwork. In my job now, there's no one looming over me making sure my work gets done and 90% of the time I work from home. Before I started T and ceased having monthly visits, it was easy to shove off work to other days of the week and take off 2-3 days in a row if I needed to.

[sigsi]

Work wise, I only missed one day due to immobility thanks to cramps. That was the first day in 3 months I went off a birth control I was experimenting with so I didn't get periods (just skipped the empty pills). It was bad.

School wise (high school, not college), I didn't care too much would periodically skip a day, a morning class or gym because of side effects (never as bad as that one time during work though).

I forgot to mention above that if I didn't go in to work or school, I always called in sick. It helps that I rarely ever get sick, so chances are I wasn't missing other days a lot.

[Kylo]

I never missed any time for it.

I wish I'd figured out how to abuse it, because I loathed school with a passion. I should really have been home-schooled. Too many problems there.