(I don't want to use names in the risk of family finding this, please say if it's hard to read.)
So. The first person within family that I came out to was my father, bless his soul. He took time to accept, as he was in his fifties and didn't grow up with all the media coverage transsexuals get these days. Once he had accepted it, he did tell aunt1.
I decided to come out to aunt1 over a month ago, only to find she already knew about it, and how I had talked about wanting treatment (hormonal therapy). I do not know who else my father had told, and I am not mad, annoyed or angry over his actions. He needed someone to tell. Someone to talk to about it. He has passed, so I don't know who else he told. But I hold no negative emotions towards that, or him.
What I do not like, is that my extended family are deciding to tell one another, too. Aunt1 told my cousin, but apparently she had already "guessed it", and she's told another aunt of mine; aunt2. Now, I don't know who is aware or not. It's mostly how they're telling each other that bothers me, not that they're passing it along so secretly...
What they're saying is that I want to be a boy, and god knows what else they're saying in regards to this. Cousin decided to show aunt2 a relatively new photo of me from my Facebook, me with short hair, and then told aunt2 that I want to become a boy... That I'm trying to. I'm thinking of blocking her now. ;~;
I just wish I could of told them, individually, and been able to explain properly.
Because it's not me "wanting to become a boy" as my mind is already of a boys. I've got a boys mind with a girls body, I want to fix the mistake. It feels as if my family are talking about me behind by back, and I'm getting the feeling that it's not good talk.
Most, if not all of my aunts and uncles seem a bit iffy when it comes to homosexuals. They don't think it's normal, but that it's weird...
Why do family do this? Tell each other and explain in... One of the worst ways possible? I know, I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I'm not a girl wanting to be a boy. I've got a boys mind and a girls body. I want to fix the mistakes. I'm just a transsexual. Why can't they just tell each other that? "Oh, deadname is saying that they're a transsexual!" Is something I'd prefer any day, compared to "aunt2! Look at this photo of deadname! They've cut their hair short as they're wanting to become a boy!"
The secrecy of it all is a bit off putting, if I'm honest. I have to ask aunt1 now and again who knows... Because otherwise, I'd be clueless. My family are clearing talking with each other about this. Otherwise aunt1 wouldn't be aware of who knows what.
Aunt1 and cousin are talking.
What exactly am I meant to do in this situation? I'm meeting aunt2 later next week. She wanted to spend some time with me alone, and she's got that. About three hours... For a drive. Gulp. I want to explain that I'm simply a transsexual - that I've got a boys mind and a girls body. That I've never been a girl. But what even is a transsexual in the mind of possible homophobes in their 50s? Will they be thinking like, rocky horror? I have an idea that the picture in their head isn't a pretty one.
Their ideas of homosexuals is that they're all very feminine and not to be trusted around children; that they're a bit wrong in the head. Dirty and weird... That's their opinion not mine... Oh, what I'll happen when they find out I'm a homosexual too. Their opinions on transsexuals aren't good, either... I'd rather not type up all of that, though. Rather block it out of my mind.
Sorry for the length of this. Help a brother out? Like, what even am I meant to do, to clear up this mess that's been made? Is it right for family to do this? I feel a bit... Betrayed.
