How did you all get past your fears to make the leap

[Laura_Squirrel]

I never had a girlfriend and I never had any children. So, that wasn't an issue. It was simply a case of 25 years (at the time) of hell and I just couldn't take it anymore. If I hadn't came out and got the ball rolling, I would've been dead for a decade by now. I had nothing to lose.

[Kova V]

Q: How did you all get past your fears to make the leap?
A: Suicide attempt and having nothing left to lose.

[CarlyMcx]

I had, and have, a lot to lose.  Wife, adult children, and a career as a self employed attorney.  I attempted transition three prior times in my life, and each time found a compelling reason not to  (money and support when I was 20, career when I was 26, and family when I was 35).

Now here I am at 53.  I suffered massive panic attacks for the past 10 years while living in denial, and tried everything I could think of to stop them, until they got so bad that I started being afraid to leave the house and drive to work.

Then I knew I had to do something or I was going to lose my career anyway.  So here I am now on hormones.  Maybe it is just a placebo effect (I started on them yesterday) but I am able to think more clearly and work more effectively than I have been in a long, long time.  Maybe forever, because I no longer have the dysphoria distracting me.

If you want a reason to do it now, be advised:  If you do not transition, and keep this part of yourself a secret, you will have to lie to people you love about your feelings, and you will have to handle the dysphoria alone, since you cannot tell anyone about it.

Living your truth is better.

[Randy1980]

Thank you all for your replies they are very helpful and encouraging to hear.. It seems like most of you took the leap because you felt you got to the point that you had to.. I guess what I have to figure out is if I should roll the dice and stay living as a male and hope I don't developer bad dysphoria or anxiety and get to the point that I have to transition in order to save my life or do I just go for it now.. I mean right now I have a good life and I don't hate being male right now I live relatively happy as a man I just desire to be a woman much more.. I guess I just feel safe being a man and I'm do good at it lol but there is much to think about.. It's a very confusing life we trans live and a scary one

[Dena]

The problem is if you wait until you have to transition, you are playing a very dangerous game. You are only talking to the ones who survived it and we know many don't. Even if you don't plan on transitioning, you should see a gender therapist and do some of the ground work. Therapy and low dose HRT has bought many on the site the extra time they want or need.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207785.0.html

[kaitylynn]

The point, well made, about 'waiting' illustrates where many of us start our physical journey.  I waited, but have paid a heavy price.  It took supreme distraction to keep me from slipping over the edge of a deadly cliff throughout my life where I knew what needed to be, but I was finding excuses to avoid.  Once I ran out of distractions, there was nothing left to do but follow my reality to what ever point it would lead.  Radical self love, age, maturity and a loss of will to fight myself...these motivated me to start in earnest my transition.

[Randy1980]

Well I already have an appointment scheduled to try and figure this out and I am giving her a huge consideration even if I don't transition fully I am really leaning towards that at this point I'm just waiting to see a therapist before making that final decision.. I guess with me I just don't feel like I have the same dysphoria anxiety and depression as many do in this forum I've never been a person that gets stressed easily.. Always worked through and dealt with stressful situations really well and have never been depressed.. The only thing that worries me is someday developing that I may or may not I've been fine this long and have lived a happy life but it worries me ever sense I came out to my wife I want it even more and did experience one definaye instance of dysphoria since coming out to her.. Or maybe I've always had it to some extent and never noticed it idk even though I felt this way since childhood actual talking about it in this forum and especially with my wife has opened up a whole new can of emotions and thoughts I almost wish I had kept it inside where it seemed safe but I know I did the best thing by telling my wife and joining this forum its been I big help all of you are really great!!

[KristyWalker]

yes The  HRT is a miracle for me. I have found my peace.

I am the same way about two month in to h.r.t. I had this wave of peace  and it has lasted I have never felt this okay with my self in my life.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

[Rachel_Christina]

Alcohol...

[Randy1980]

Are you saying alcohol helped you past the fears to make the leap?? Lol love it

[Randy1980]

Kristy are you fully transitioning or just taking low dose hrt to help you?

[Rachel_Christina]

Are you saying alcohol helped you past the fears to make the leap?? Lol love it

Yep, had a lovely dinner my GF made us, with a bottle of wine, ended up sinking that bottle and when we went to bed, it just came out, we talked till about 5 o'clock in the morning, she was so accepting, so helpful, she cryed for the things in life I missed out on
She is a rock, and has help me threw so much, thanks to her this process is moving so fast, got my HRT in a exactly a month on tge 11 of July!
But yep a bit of a courage boost!
Thank god we are both light weights :3

[KristyWalker]

Kristy are you fully transitioning or just taking low dose hrt to help you?

I am transitioning I am on a full dose of hrt.

[Tasha_]

Lol... i  did the same thing with my wife Christine!!! Except I only told her I liked to wear heels and stockings sometimes, which was all I knew then... she is the one who helped me realize what it was, and then every time I felt like I wanted to tell someone else in my life, I usually had a little buzz... the last time I had a six pack and put it on facebook.... so, no more surprises.... no more individual talks.... and basically everyone knows..... and only one person who I already knew was ignorant and small minded was a douche about it.... everyone else has been accepting and supportive.... my wife MOST of all....

[AnxietyDisord3r]

How did you who have transitioned or decided to every get past the fears of all the obsricles you knew you would face.. It just seems like I will never get the courage to do what I truly want.. I mean I think about my kids.. And breaking my parents heart and disappointing them..then there is the fact of losing employment or finding the right job that will except me if I do Lose my job.. That's a huge fear being that my family financially depends on me.. I have fears of bringing chaos to my family and turning us into outcast how can I do that to them knowing that we have a good life and a SD socially excepted right now.. I think about my kids being in school and not being able to talk about how cool and strong there dad is and having to explain that there dad is now a woman.. Would it be to selfish for me to transition my kids don't deserve to have to deal with that.. I mean I'm not at the point that I have to transition but its something that I really want I'm not depressed or suicidal I don't have extreme dysphoria I don't hate being a male I would just much rather be a woman because I know that's what I truly amso many things to consider.. How did all of you finally get past all of theses fears and finally make the decision to just go for it

A supportive spouse
A union job where I couldn't be fired for being trans
Money in the bank to pay for medical interventions
A supportive therapist and friends who didn't judge me

That's the basics. Having other friends and family come out as trans and transition during the same timeframe also helped. Like others, my anxiety and depression had gotten really bad and I had to go on anti-depressants, so it was clear I was no longer effective at shoving the issue under the rug. The therapy helped me get my life enough under control that I was in a good place to start transition.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Yeah maybe it takes hitting that ultimate low to actually do it but I would much rather do it before it got to that point.. I have been making plans even though I haven't decided fully yet just in case I do decide I want to be as preparedas I possibly can.. My career is a big one because I work construction and it is probably the worse environment possible for a trans woman so I've decided that if I decide to start hrt I'm going to inroll in either nursing or dental hygiene or something along those lines the schooling is 2 years or less and pay about the same as I make now so I think I would hide that I'm on hormones keep my job untill the schooling was done then start living full time and apply for the new job as a woman that's the plan I have come up with to solve that problem at least

I know a trans woman who is a union electrician in the South. She transitioned in place. So it's not impossible.

If you look into nursing I think you'll find there are plenty of union employers where it is illegal to fire someone for "gender identity" in the labor contract. You would be able to transition in place which would be much better for your pocketbook. Dental hygienists tend to be hired by sole proprietors where you can be fired for just about anything.

[EmilyMK03]

Talking to people helps a LOT.  If you can find a local transgender support group in your area, go to those meetings and get to know the people there.  Talk to them, hear their stories, and share your own experiences.  And of course talk to a gender therapist too, as they can also be extremely helpful.

Spending time and talking with others who may have gone through similar experiences will help you understand yourself better.  And it will help you come to a decision you're comfortable with.  These forums are great too, but you can accomplish so much more when talking to people face-to-face, especially when it comes to life-changing decisions such as this.

[Asche]

I'm somewhere in the middle of transition, and I haven't gotten past my fears.  I'm terrified.  I wake up at 3:00 a.m. convinced my world is going to end.  The only thing that keeps me going is that every time I stop and try to figure out what I could do differently, I realize that nothing else works.  It's transition or die, and so far, I'm not ready to choose death.  But it would be easier.  I've heard a number of people say that transition was by far the hardest thing they'd ever done, and I'm beginning to see what they mean.

I can't say I "decided" anything.  I started ~14 years ago by realizing I had to be who I really was or I'd be dead, and this is where it's led me.  Allowing myself to be who I wasn't supposed to be.  Then realizing I was trans.  Then the realization that I was going to transition.  (It wasn't so much a decision as a realization.)  At some point, you realize you've already jumped out of the airplane and worrying about whether you should have done something different seems kind of beside the point.  That energy is better spent getting the @#$% parachute to work.

I'm mostly getting by by taking one day at a time and not trying to be brave.  I don't try to do any more than I feel up to.  I try to avoid "what if?"s.  I whine about my troubles to anyone who will listen, and to my amazement, they don't mind.  They tell me to call any time I need someone to talk to.  They even call me brave, which is a laugh!

[Michelle_P]

Asche nailed it.  Leap Or Die.

I woke up this morning with the thought "What am I doing?  Am I crazy?  Have I totally lost it?  I should stop!"  Then I remembered how I felt back in March, four months ago, when I was curled up in the arms of black, suicidal depression.  Do I really want to go back to that?

If I hadn't started on the path to transition, I very strongly suspect that I wouldn't be here.  I had already worked out in detail how I was going to end my life, when something, I don't know what, triggered me to try one last time to get help.  (The thing with us old engineers is that we are far to good at planning to come up with something unlikely to succeed.  Scary, that.)

And yeah, it's not bravery.  It's survival.

And for the haters out there, my apologies for the inconvenience of my continued existance.  Not!

[WorkingOnThomas]

It wasn't a decision - I just got to the point where I was out of other options. 'Pray the gay' away hadn't worked. Medication hadn't worked. Therapy hadn't worked. Drinking was no longer working...

It was transition or die.