How did you all get past your fears to make the leap

[Randy1980]

How did you who have transitioned or decided to every get past the fears of all the obsricles you knew you would face.. It just seems like I will never get the courage to do what I truly want.. I mean I think about my kids.. And breaking my parents heart and disappointing them..then there is the fact of losing employment or finding the right job that will except me if I do Lose my job.. That's a huge fear being that my family financially depends on me.. I have fears of bringing chaos to my family and turning us into outcast how can I do that to them knowing that we have a good life and a SD socially excepted right now.. I think about my kids being in school and not being able to talk about how cool and strong there dad is and having to explain that there dad is now a woman.. Would it be to selfish for me to transition my kids don't deserve to have to deal with that.. I mean I'm not at the point that I have to transition but its something that I really want I'm not depressed or suicidal I don't have extreme dysphoria I don't hate being a male I would just much rather be a woman because I know that's what I truly amso many things to consider.. How did all of you finally get past all of theses fears and finally make the decision to just go for it

[cindianna_jones]

My anxiety became so great that I had no choice. I just 'did.' There was nothing that could contain it. No belief system, electro shock, whatever. I had a driving force pushing me toward destruction, according to everyone else in my life. The detritus and flotsam of my life lay waste in the wake.

It was sad. Very sad. I too had kids. I had a promising career. And I cast it to the wind to do what I did. My internal conflict was that strong. I took the easiest path. Like water escaping from a place where it doesn't belong.

It sort of worked out. I recaptured my career. I could have done very well. Instead, I did okay. I have no complaints. Some in my family will never accept me. Most have learned to tolerate me. Some have embraced me.

You will know when it is time. You should try to plan better than me. You know, before the cyclone is upon you.

[Fresas con Nata]

How did all of you finally get past all of theses fears and finally make the decision to just go for it

I don't really relate to your question because, well, I don't share most of those fears.

• I have one son but he's living with his mother in the opposite corner of the Mediterranean. I know that sooner or later I'll have to tell him, and the sooner the better (he's a young kid), but we have no real daily contact.
  
• I have no significant other who would be shocked.
  
• Parents accepted it remarkably well, but even if they didn't, I'm not too emotionally attached to them (or anyone else for that matter) so it would be like Meh, their loss.
  
• No one depends financially on me.
  
• I work for a small friendly company, and now I'm actually doing my job at one of its clients, in as tolerant a country as the UK. While coming out at work worries me a little, I feel optimistic about it. I feel like a pressure cooker and I know that, over time, the real problem would be not coming out at work and having to keep it all to myself.

[Randy1980]

Yeah maybe it takes hitting that ultimate low to actually do it but I would much rather do it before it got to that point.. I have been making plans even though I haven't decided fully yet just in case I do decide I want to be as preparedas I possibly can.. My career is a big one because I work construction and it is probably the worse environment possible for a trans woman so I've decided that if I decide to start hrt I'm going to inroll in either nursing or dental hygiene or something along those lines the schooling is 2 years or less and pay about the same as I make now so I think I would hide that I'm on hormones keep my job untill the schooling was done then start living full time and apply for the new job as a woman that's the plan I have come up with to solve that problem at least

[melissagirl]

I suppose maybe it's a fear between career, kids, spouse or missing out on living the life you've needed since you were little. I grew up wishing with all my heart I could live the life of a woman, but not even knowing that it was a realistic possibility. When I learned it was possible, I pretty much knew what I was going to do.

At this point in my life, my career is better than ever. I never lost my job due to transitioning. I'm divorced and am in a relationship that is so much more fulfilling. My children are still a big part of my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me and accept who I am.

On the other hand, my parents still won't accept who I am, but that's about really all I can say bad.

So in the end I would say it was totally worth it. It wasn't fun, but I am happier.

[Randy1980]

That's awesome mellisa its nice to here of people that it worked out well for luckily I already have a wife who is excepting and actually prefer I transition at this point at least so I have no fears in that area.. And like you I have known and wished to be female since I was little also maybe around 6 yrs old.. But just because I know I can do it doesn't mean I'm sure I should do it and knowingly bring all the stress and hardship onto myself and my family that is what I have to figure out is what I "want" ok to cause stress to my family

[Randy1980]

Another fear aside from transitioning is the fear of not doing it then end up getting depression, dysphoria and eventually getting to the point where I have to do it 10 or 15 years down the road I'm already 35 and if I do it I'd like it to be complete by 40 ID like to transition as young as possible I can't wait for my appointment with a therapist next month I'm hoping therapy will help me come up with the decision

[stephaniec]

benefits vs costs. Why is living presenting female important and more important then presenting male. Whats the benefit. Why is looking female more important than looking and interacting as male. I'd just say be analytical with yourself and see where the balance leans to. I did it to stay alive and to give life another chance , but everyone is different and has their own rationale which is just as valid as anyone else.

[Amber42]

I feel very similar Randy.  I've got a great family and I'm doing exceptionally well at my career.  I'm in a high tech job.  I'm moving up the corporate ladder and being given opportunities that many would love to have.  I can achieve great heights.....but even though I am capable of success in this life, it's not the life I want.  Deep down, I am actually the complete opposite of what I am at work.  When I take a dress up day, that other person is the one I much rather prefer.

I feel like the entire world I've worked so hard to create is the very same thing that is preventing me from being able to do what I want.  Talk about a paradox!!

I am pre-HRT, pre anything right now, but there is that calling.  Some days it's much stronger than others, but manageable at this time.

The feeling of guilt is so deep for me.  I have a great marriage, big family, large community that we're part of and I just don't know how I could get the courage to throw it all to the wind.


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[stephaniec]

I'd just like to add that my choice was easy. I had nothing to give up , absolutely nothing.

[Randy1980]

Yeah I feel the exact same way I feel like I'm living a lie the small things I dolike dress sometimes always wear women's underwear and shave my legs and wear cite nighties to bed with my wife feels so good and feels like the real me and I want to feel that way always.. But just like you I have a good life now family friends career its hard to throw that away to be my true self and also like you at times I really want to do it and I'm all for it then I think about everything and I'm like I can't it sucks without all of those fears and obsricles I would do it in a heart beat without question

[Randy1980]

I so wish it were that easy for me stepheniec

[stephaniec]

the easiness came from absolute nothingness

[Randy1980]

I am fortunate to not be in that place and hope I never have a feeling of nothingness.. But the bright side is that you climbed your way out of that and found your trueself that says alot.. I hope you are in a much happier place now

[stephaniec]

yes The  HRT is a miracle for me. I have found my peace.

[Sarah_Evelyn]

Randy I write this understanding the turmoil you are experiencing. I much myself have had and still have the same issues but are working through them. I am at very early stages of transition. No hormones as of yet but hope in the next 3 months.
Ok to start off and answer your subject question. For me it was finally understanding that I have been living a lie for 41 years. It was my own lie part fabricated by ignorance, part fabricated by society and a big part fabricated from fear. Whilst they are internal fabrications I don't minimize them. Everyone decides when enough is enough and some never do. The choice is yours.
I believe everyone needs a professional if they are unsure because it is a big thing to consider. If you are at this point questioning you should get some help to help guide you.
I stand to loose a marriage and 2 children. My children are from different relationships. My current spouse knows but since it is early, no saying where it will go. I love her dearly and don't want to lose her, but I have realized myself, that i have to be my true self or i am am nothing more then a facade.
For the children: its a hope I have, that they understand. Mine are young enough and I've always been a "look at all things from all sides" parent I can only hope they understand. That's what we do as parents, is teach our children and hope they make the right decisions.
So in the career world it is tough I have yet to experience that. My career is what kept me hidden. I spent 23 years in the Marine Corps. Tough rules, FEAR of getting caught etc. Now that medically I have to retire (unrelated) and the wall keeping me in is crumbling it became worse, the inner me needed out.
The culminating event was telling my 10 year old to be who she was and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.
How could I be such the Hypocrite.
Done sir, Done. Time to be myself

[Deborah]

I still have fears.  But I had gotten to the point that I hated life and went to bed every night hoping and praying that I would die before morning.  That feeling was a whole lot worse than whatever fears I am still carrying around.  Utter despair has a way of forcing you to make the hard choices.


Sapere Aude

[Dena]

I knew at 13 but by the time I reached 23, I could no longer continue to live unless I transitioned. Had I not transitioned, it would have all ended at age 23. The only thing that kept me alive over the next 8 years was the fact that I was moving closer to my goal. Several times my progress stalled because of lack of information or pretty useless medical care  and the depression returned bad as ever.

You might feel you can continue to live as you are but will you be all the person you could be to those around you or will you be wandering aimlessly through life because your heart really isn't into it. I had it pretty bad and you might not feel it to the same degree that I did but just because you can live with the pain doesn't mean you should.

[Kylo]

I guess it wasn't so hard when I have no kids and my parents were already disappointed in me for some reason, or too bothered with their own things to care. The only thing that makes it hard at all is that I have a 10 year relationship which is going to extinct because of this. This is only a problem because I care about the person I'm with and want to continue being with them. If this wasn't an issue the only things I'd face would be... being treated the way I've always been treated anyway. Like an outsider. But I've had three decades to get used to that so it matters not. 

Ultimately I realized my life sucks so hard as it is, for the reasons of being inhibited by this condition from living a normal life, transition doesn't seem to present much of a problem for me. I guess my life really blows if it holds almost no fear for me.

[JoanneB]

Which Pain is Worse?

Fear is a two edged sword It can save you, or  hurt you. Life is about balance. What is truly important to you? What do you NEED to do to keep or obtain what is truly important to you today. The answer is only valid for 24 Hrs, mostly, maybe. It is allowed to change just as everything living does. Tomorrow's answer may be different.

At this point in my life, "Most" days I simply want to transition. Some days, or hours, I feel I NEED to. Huge difference between the two. I play a delicate balancing act juggling all the various aspects of my life, my world, that make me, me. It kind of sort of works, most days, which I am thankful for.

I also know beyond any doubt if the point ever came that I needed to transition 'Fully' in order to survive, to be happy, that I would. Meanwhile HRT, my support group, therapy, spirituality, and my "Reality Therapist, AKA wife, keep me going.