Okay, let me say some things about myself. Let me start off by stating some things about myself. I am 29 years old. I have recently gotten into crossdressing through BDSM (as I found out my Mistress was into it, so I wanted to try it as well.) It just started out wearing small things like panties, painting toenails then fingernails, things like that, but since then my relationship with her has ended -- but I have still pushed myself further just because I was interested. At first I had no intention as identifying as transgender, just crossdresser (though that definition conflicts with this site's definition of transgender, I am aware). I have been going further in regards to this, starting with just wearing female skirts with my male tops and shoes, to most recently at a large family get together I did go there fully dressed, as well as being willing to be dressed in public. Though I do do BDSM partly for sexual reasons, not entirely the case for crossdressing as I've been wearing what I wear 24/7 through my daily life.
A few things:
So when I was around 18 I was into the same stuff with BDSM and had looked into some trans issues, as well as wanting to try crossdressing. I figured I wasn't really trans because I had stereotypical male hobbies and such, also the fact that I was worried about family acceptance and problems with getting a job, etc.
Now, mainly I have just been exploring with this. Wanting to push myself further just to see how I feel. It was nice at the party yesterday, I met a lot of new people and it was nice that none of them seemed to be judgmental about what I was wearing. Pretty easygoing. Though I will say that it does feel a bit odd to be introduced as male (i.e. "my son") when I'm dressed female. But I have told my family I am currently identifying as male and dressing how I will because I want to.
I will say, that since I've started dressing, when at another family gathering, I noticed a lot of nice outfits, and noticed how nice their bodies fit into them and how they weren't judged and felt like because I was born male that I won't be accepted. I guess that it could be considered dysphoria? I've been told by my grandma and aunt that they won't be seen publicly with me unless wearing male clothes, when I feel like I should be able to wear or present myself how I want.
I guess since I felt that way I've been debating about whether I should transition or continue to live as male. I don't exactly have an overwhelming need to, but at the same time if I could be seen as female I might want that too. (But I don't think that I would be passable.) I don't really want to rush into things. I read conflicting things, that some people feel they are transgender from young age while others feel that way older (as would be with me). I know there is genderqueer and things like that too, but not sure, I feel as though I'd want to live as one or the other. How long should I wait and be sure how I feel?
Btw: If I transition I might want HRT to go through the physical/mental changes or whatever (Might not take that step until I lose weight because I am very obese), but probably not SRS as it's too expensive.
